


Deadbeat

by inexplicabletrousers



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: '''''for their safety''''', Abandonment Issues, Alcoholism, Angst, Annie Ren, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Car Accident, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Children, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grandma Padmé, Grandpa Anakin, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo has sisters roll with it, Loan Sharks, M/M, Manipulation, May Ren, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Physical Abuse, Rey Needs A Hug, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Snoke is a bad man, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, abandonment issues for everyone!, aka my original characters, but he's trying his best, but with sprinkled in fluff, character death is pre-story, emergency care order, eventually, implied PTSD, ish, kylo is a mess, more single guardian, removal of children, single parent Kylo, teacher!Rey, threatening behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 10:52:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 54,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15023021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inexplicabletrousers/pseuds/inexplicabletrousers
Summary: May and Annie Ren are not integrating with the class and cannot be separated (see incident report below.) Behaviour is fine as long as they are together and they are good readers. Issues through the week - Monday: Girls very tired. Said ‘Kylo’ (guardian??) got in late and woke them up. Asked about babysitter but no mention.Tuesday: No snack for breaktime - gave them something from my drawer. Same clothes	as yesterday.Wed: Still same clothes. Said they hadn’t had breakfast - sent with Miss K to get something to eat and spare uniform. Tried to catch their guardian after school so he could buy them uniform, but he avoided me.Thurs: Girls ok today - clean clothes, breakfast. Got quite upset during Fathers’ day card making. Said their Dad was dead. I suggested they made one for Kylo and they said he was ‘not nice’ so they wouldn’t. Again tried to catch him after school but couldn’t. Will make sure I get him tomorrow.Fri:She left the last section blank. She would fill that in after school today, once she had spoken to KyloAka Rey is a teacher and Kylo is caring for his sisters and trying his best. His best is not very good.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I had to write my shiny new idea instead of concentrating on the current WIP. I hope you enjoy! All teacher stuff is very much based on my job as a primary teacher in Scotland so if it seems odd it's because it's for a specific education system!

 

Rey sighed as she bent to pick up a pencil from beneath the battered blue desk. She shouldn’t be tidying. She should be at her own desk, opening up the _Weekly Reviews_ folder and scrolling down to note her concerns about her new students. Annie and May had been with her for a week now, and she had a lot of small niggles that needed to be addressed.  She spotted a further three pencils beneath the desk, too far in for her to reach without crawling through the small space where the desks had been pushed together and risking bashing her head on the underside of a table clearly designed for children to sit at, not for grown women to crawl around under. She quietly cursed her class’s useless tidying skills as she crawled under anyway. The thing was, she thought, the twins had come into her class with no background information, no handover pack from their previous school; nothing. They had barely spoken a word to her all week, and had ignored the other children completely, choosing instead to play together or just whisper to one another.

 

She had suggested to Amilyn, the deputy head and the woman responsible for the lower half of the school’s day to day running, that the twins be separated - one placed in Finn’s class and one in her own. It was clear that as long as their sister was there, neither would make an effort to socialise with the other children. It would be upsetting at first but children adapted quickly, and it would probably be better in the long run. Amilyn had agreed initially, but soon fed back to Rey that the girls’ guardian was set against the two being seperated. She would have to make the situation work with both of them together.

 

She had tried; seating them separately both at tables and on the carpet, assigning each their own buddy - Annie, who seemed quieter, she had put alongside  a sensible little boy who she knew wouldn’t be too much for the obviously anxious little girl; and May, who had at least spoken to Rey on the first day, she had placed alongside a sweet, popular member of the class who she was hoping would encourage the girl to continue to reach out and speak to new people. Somehow though, the twins always managed to find a way to be together - convenient trips to the bin to sharpen pencils, or ‘accidentally’ leaving their water bottle on the others table - whatever it was, everytime Rey turned her back, the two snuck back together. She had learned the hard way to just let them go to the toilet together when they asked, rather than insisting on her usual ‘one at a time’ rule; Annie’s screams as soon as the other child left the room had terrified the other children and brought the teaching assistant she shared with Finn running into her room. Separation was obviously not going to work.

 

She backed out from under the table slowly and carefully, managing to avoid cracking her head for the millionth time that year, and glanced at the clock. _Crap._ The second bell would go soon, letting the older children out to lunch and warning her that she only had ten minutes before the craft club she ran for some of the older students. She needed to write her review otherwise she’d have to do it after school, and she already had enough to do that evening - a stack of marking sat ominously at one side of her desk, always in the corner of her eye. She was fairly sure the ever increasing pile was watching her. She flopped down into the scratchy blue desk chair and opened the document, scrolling down to the stupidly named **Shocks and Surprises** section where she was supposed to note any concerns about students and any incidents. She had already written up the screaming incident in the document she was keeping about how well the girls were settling in, on the advice of Amilyn, so she could just cut and paste that in. The rest she needed to get down. She hated compiling all the little things. Put together they painted a much bigger picture, and it wasn’t one she wanted to see.

 

 

  * ****May and Annie Ren:**** The girls are not integrating with the class and cannot be separated (see incident report below.) Behaviour is fine as long as they are together and they are good readers.  
  
**Issues through the week -**
  * ****Monday:**** Girls very tired. Said ‘Kylo’ (guardian??) got in late and woke them up. Asked about babysitter but no mention. **  
****Tuesday:** No snack for breaktime - gave them something from my drawer. Same clothes as yesterday.  
**Wed:** Still same clothes. Said they hadn’t had breakfast - sent with Miss K to get something to eat and spare uniform. Tried to catch their guardian after school so he could buy them uniform, but he avoided me.  
**Thurs:** Girls ok today - clean clothes, breakfast. Got quite upset during Fathers’ day card making. Said their Dad was dead. I suggested they made one for Kylo and they said he was ‘not nice’ so they wouldn’t. Again tried to catch him after school but couldn’t. Will make sure I get him tomorrow.  
**Fri:**



 

She left the last section blank. She would fill that in after school today, once she had spoken to Kylo - if she just didn’t let the twins out after school to run and meet him, he would have to come to her. He had ignored the notes she had written to him and left in their bookbags, requesting a meeting to discuss anything she should know as someone who was spending all day everyday with his kids during the week - this was the only way. The bell rang and she stood up, walking down the long corridor towards the staffroom. Ten minutes to scarf down her lunch, then on to the art room.

 

When the bell rang again at the end of the day, she surveyed the chaos in her classroom. The children were in a line by the playground door, but she wasn’t letting any of them go just yet; not while there were chairs all over the place and half of them had abandoned jumpers, bookbags and water bottles on their tables. She cleared her throat and gestured around the room as the kids looked at her. Half of them understood and trudged back to their tables. The rest just accepted various belongings as Rey wandered around the room scooping them up and handing them to their owners. She pushed the door open and released the stream of children, watching as each made it to their respective parents and guardians, waving back to a few of the parents with whom she had grown friendly over the year she had been teaching their children. Annie and May she kept hold of, one holding each of her hands. She spotted Kylo skulking at the back of the playground, waiting for the girls. ‘He’s here. I see him.’ May told her, looking up at Rey with big brown eyes. Rey smiled and crouched down so she was at eye level with the girls, who she brought round to stand in front of her.

 

‘Listen, I need to talk to Kylo, ok? Nobody’s in trouble, I just like to know who everyone goes home to.’ She kept her voice cheery but she felt her stomach turn as the surprisingly big man made his way across to her. He towered over her, even once she had stood again, his arms folded over his chest. She looked up, meeting his eyes, holding his gaze with a professional smile plastered on her face.

‘Mr Ren?’ She asked. The man frowned a little and shifted. The movement was subtle, but his discomfort was clear. When he spoke it was a low rumble and Rey had to focus to work out what he was muttering about.

 

‘Are they causing trouble?’ He asked, gesturing to the girls, who still held Rey’s hands. That set alarm bells off for her immediately - even the kids in her class who came from the most difficult backgrounds were excited to see their parents and carers at the end of the day. The girls just looked tired. Rey shook her head.

 

‘Not at all, I just wanted to-’

 

‘Then we need to get going.’ Kylo interrupted. He unfolded his arms, holding a hand out to each of the girls who let go of Rey’s and grabbed onto their guardian instead. The three turned and started to walk off, but Rey half-ran around them, blocking Kylo’s path. She spotted Amilyn watching the situation from her office which looked onto the playground, and she felt confidence spark in her, feeding the embers of anger glowing in her stomach.

 

‘Listen,’ her professional smile was becoming ever more transparent, revealing her irritation at the situation, ‘I understand if you have somewhere you need to be. I’d like to set up a meeting at some point when it’s more convenient. We need to get the girls in uniforms at least, and if possible I need to know about their background. We definitely need to get you to sign some forms and give us health information.’ She saw a parade of emotions pass across Kylo’s face, too quickly to decipher. By the time she had finished speaking, he had settled on reluctant resignation.

 

‘Right. I suppose I can come in for a meeting.’ Rey smiled, relief flooding her body.

 

‘That’s great!’ Her usual enthusiasm returned for a second before a thought occurred to her, she cleared her throat. ‘If the uniform thing is a financial issue we can help out with that,’ she said quietly, using language she was sure the six year olds would not understand. Kylo shook his head, but didn’t seem offended.

 

‘No, that’s fine.’ Rey stepped aside and let the small family pass. Something was not right here. She groaned and walked back into the building.   


	2. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo have a meeting scheduled to discuss the girls.

Amilyn stood beside Rey in the school entryway, waiting for Kylo to arrive with the girls. Finn was taking both his own and Rey’s class with Ms Kanata, the scariest, kindest and generally most efficient teaching assistant in the school who would definitely keep the kids in line until Rey got back. ‘He said 8:45 right?’ Amilyn asked, looking at her watch. It was 8:50. 

‘He said he wanted to get the girls in uniforms before the start of the day when I called him.’ The bell rang, and Rey knew everyone would be lining up in the playground ready to come in. Still no sign of Kylo. ‘I’ll go back to class. If he shows up, could you come find me? I’m sure Finn will be happy to move things around and do singing whenever Kylo turns up instead of at the end of the day so we can meet.’ Amilyn nodded her agreement and went to let the office know that if Kylo did eventually show up they should ring her in her office. Rey rounded the corner to walk down the long corridor back towards her classroom, but as she did so the buzzer on the door went and she heard Amilyn calling her back.

 

***

Kylo woke up to the sound of his alarm blaring, and blearily lifted up his phone. 7:00. Why the fuck was his alarm set for 7:00? Work maybe? But he didn’t need to go to work now, if they fired him he had enough savings to survive for at least the year. He switched it off and went back to sleep. When he woke again it was 8:30 and his back was killing him. Why was he on the couch? He dragged himself upright, pushing the tangle of dark curls out of his eyes and blinking. 

 

Shit.

 

The twins. He had to get them to school, that was why his alarm was set to such a stupid fucking time. And he had a meeting with their teacher, who already thought he was a piece of crap deadbeat Dad. He pushed himself up and pulled on the T-Shirt he saw crumpled on the floor. It was black, which hid how long he’d been putting off doing laundry quite nicely, so it would do. He had slept in his jeans for some dumbass reason so that was just fine. He’d look like shit, but hopefully they wouldn’t be too late. ‘Annie! May!’ He called in the direction of his - now their- bedroom. No response. He grunted and headed into their room. The girls had obviously been up for a while - the sheets had been pulled off the bed and he found the two whispering together and giggling in a nest they had created from his clothes and bedding. ‘What the f-,’ he stopped himself, taking a breath. ‘Girls we’re going to be late. You want to see Miss Niima right?’ May nodded and Annie just shrugged. 

 

‘I’m hungry, Ben.’ She whined and Kylo groaned. 

 

‘Right. I’ll find something. Look you know it’s Kylo now? We have to stick to our new names, it’s important. You can’t forget that.’ He told her desperately and rubbed his temples when the girl’s lip quivered and May shot him a filthy look. ‘I’m not trying to be a d-’ he stopped again. ‘I’m not trying to be mean. It’s just important.’ He held out a hand which Annie took, May still eyeing him suspiciously as she followed them out of the room. ‘Let’s grab some food.’ He let the girl go and walked across to the fridge. There was pizza in there from last night. That would do. He pulled out the box, grabbed a slice each for the girls and gave them both kitchen roll so they didn’t get sauce all over everything. He looked over their grubby pajamas and then looked at the clock. He was buying them uniforms, right? There was no sense in wasting his time getting them changed twice. He hurried them out of the door and down the stairs of the apartment building.

 

***

 

Rey looked at the girls in their tomato stained pajamas, beaming at the children. ‘Hi girls! If you go along with Ms Konnix to get your uniforms sorted, I’ll see you back in class ok. I need to have a chat with your Dad.’ She caught her mistake but it was too late, the word was already out. Luckily the girls just giggled. ‘He’s not our Dad, Miss Niima. That’s just Be-’ Annie stopped when May elbowed her in the ribs. ‘Ow! That hurt, May. Miss Niima, May just hurt me!’ Rey set her face carefully to stern and looked at May. The girl looked back, unflinching.

 

‘He’s just Kylo. He’s not our Dad.’ The tiny girl scowled and Rey glanced up to see a mournful expression overtake Kylo for a moment before it was replaced once more by a mask of irritation. There was definitely something odd going on with this family. Rey nodded to the girl in front of her. 

 

‘That’s not the problem here, is it May.’ She said gently. ‘We don’t hurt each other at this school, do you understand?’ May nodded but it was a nod Rey had seen many times, and all it meant was that the girl wanted Rey to leave her alone. Rey decided to leave it for now - there was enough to do and she wanted to get back to class. 

 

Once the girls were being seen to by Miss Connix and Amilyn had headed back to her office, Rey gestured for Kylo to follow her into the small meeting room beside the staff room. She sat down on one side of the desk and Kylo chose the seat opposite, struggling to fold himself into the child-sized seat. ‘Sorry, Mr Ren. These chairs are not designed for adults, do you want me to go and grab us some from the staffroom?’ Kylo shook his head.

 

‘S’ fine. I’ll cope.’ He said. He looked like he’d slept in the clothes he wore, but the dark circles under his eyes suggested he hadn’t slept very well. He ran a hand through hair that had obviously not seen a brush today and continued. ‘Kylo’s fine. Not Mr Ren, that’s- it sounds weird.’ Rey nodded and smiled. She had to at least try to get on with him for the girls’ sake. She nted his preference in her diary for future reference and held out a hand for him to shake. 

 

‘Rey,’ she introduced herself. He looked at her hand for a moment but made no effort to shake it so she pulled it back. Ok… It was going to be like that was it? She adopted a more business like tone and began to run through some of the forms Kylo had to fill in - medical details, any allergies, any issues at their previous school, permission for photos to go on the website - an endless list of admin which she had to contend with. When all the forms were sorted she sat back and looked at the list of questions she had for him. Where to start? ‘I didn’t get any details of your situation when the girls joined my class - I can see that they have some issues with their father at least from this morning, and from last Friday when we made fathers’ day cards. Is there anything else I should know about?’ Kylo looked at her like a deer in headlights. He was silent for a few minutes before standing and stretching suddenly, like a cat that has been confined for too long. He closed his eyes for a moment before sitting down again and swallowing. 

 

‘They’re my sisters, not my kids. They’re funny about cars since our parents died in an accident, but they’re ok with buses.’ His gaze flicked up to meet hers and she was struck by its intensity. ‘I’m trying to help them.’ He murmured. ‘They’ll sit in a car now, but they freak out when the engine starts.’ He cleared his throat, voice becoming suddenly less wistful. ‘Sorry. You probably don’t need to know this.’ He pressed his lips together for a moment. ‘I don’t really have anyone to talk to.’ He told her with a wry smile and Rey felt her heart break a little, for him and the girls.

 

‘Is there anything we can do?’ She asked and Kylo shrugged. 

 

‘I don’t know. Can I get back to you?’

 

Rey smiled at him. ‘Of course. You’re not on your own, ok? We’re all here to help your sisters. I’ll start looking at counselling resources we have access to and see if anything’s a good fit.’ Kylo nodded his gratitude and Rey closed her planner. ‘I think that’s us for now then unless - no hang on. Do you have the name of their old school? I’d like to get some handover information so I can plan properly for them.’ Kylo closed off again instantly.

 

‘I don’t remember, sorry.’ The lie was obvious, but there was no sense in arguing right now. She would log it as a further concern. Right now she did need to get back to class, curious as she was about the man in front of her and his mysterious past. 

 

‘Ok then, I’ll muddle through.’ She’d had worse. One year a boy had joined her class speaking little to no English and noone had bothered to tell her his first language for weeks until she’d finally managed to get hold of his parents and a multi-lingual translator. She stood and extended her hand. Again Kylo just stared at it and she rolled her eyes inwardly, making sure to maintain some level of professionalism. ‘Oh,’ a thought occurred to her, ‘Look I probably shouldn’t do this, but this is my school email. You can contact me directly on it, instead of phoning the office, in case you need anything.’ She handed him a slip of paper torn from her planner that she hastily scribbled her email on. She wanted to keep tabs on him, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t willingly discuss his situation with anyone else - he had been cagey with her and she needed the information. She was fairly sure that any barrier between them would prove too much, so she would do her utmost to remove them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeep I hope you enjoyed it! Someone please tell me if I get too teachery, I don't want to make this boring with professional terms etc!!
> 
> Kylo is such a mess lmao. Send kudos to help him?


	3. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Rey make some plans. I am bad at summaries.

Rey took a long swig of beer, put the glass down with a thud and pointed at Finn. ‘Space.’ she said decisively. Finn nodded slowly, sipping his own drink as Rey continued. ‘We begin with a dark classroom, right? Get all the chairs in two rows like on a plane, and see if we can get some sort of voice modulator so we can talk to them through it and pretend to be the… captain? Pilot?’ she looked at Finn who shrugged. ‘Right, whatever, we talk to them and do a countdown from 10 - getting our maths objectives in for the bottom groups right there - and then we show them a video on the whiteboard that looks like something they might see out of the window as we take off!’

Finn grinned and jotted down a few things on the A3 page they had laid out on the table between them, much to the confusion of the other patrons of the small pub. He held a finger up to stop her when she went to continue. ‘Slow down. You’re about to enter orbit yourself there,’ Rey folded her arms and huffed at him but Finn ignored her. ‘The idea’s sweet, but we’ll probably have to edit a video together. And I was thinking, because a voice modulator is a ridiculous idea and it’ll be obvious, what if we got a parent to record something?’

 

‘I’ll do you one better,’ Rey said, ‘what if we got someone to come in? Not dressed up obviously, if it’s a parent someone’ll recognise them, but if we did it in your room they could hide in your cupboard and shout and then the kids could ask them questions.’  

 

Finn cracked up at that and took another swig of his drink. ‘Right, well we’ll see if you can convince anyone to hide in the cupboard for us then. Shall we plan the lessons that actually cover the objectives now or…’

 

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Rey rolled her eyes. ‘We’ll do our actual jo- Hang on!’ she glared across the table, ‘Why me? How come I have to do the talking to parents part?’

 

Finn shrugged. ‘You can usually get people to do what you want. Bat your eyelids and they’ll listen.’

 

Rey was halfway through taking a sip of her drink, and Finn’s answer made her snort into, blowing froth across the table and their planning. ‘Brilliant. Now we’ll have to explain why our planning folder stinks of beer. ‘ She deadpanned, before continuing, ‘Anyway, I seem to remember you being the one dating a parent, which by the way is very much frowned upon.’

 

Finn flushed for a minute but recovered, grinning at her. ‘Rose is not a parent, thanks. I am not ready for that life, I like being able to hand them back at three. She was only at parents’ night to because Paige, who _is_ a parent, was working and couldn’t make it. Totally different thing.’ Rey smirked at him, remembering the night in question. She had finished twenty minutes earlier than Finn, because while she had been late finishing at 8:15 rather than 8:00, Finn was always going to end up later than her. She had poked her head through his door to give him an out if he needed it, reminding him that the janitor would want to lock up by 8:30 - a lie but a helpful one - and she had seen him deep in discussion about sci-fi with who she had assumed was one of the parents. Months on and they were finally dating after Rey had met Rose and told her that if she wanted anything to happen she would have to just tell Finn she wanted to because the man was largely oblivious. He probably had a point now she thought about it.

 

‘Fine.’

 

The rest of the evening passed amicably with the two getting down plenty of ideas and writing a decent framework for the next few weeks. They parted ways when they passed Finn’s street and Rey walked the last few streets on her own. As she was walking, listening to her music and generally minding her own business, she spotted someone she knew. Kylo. What the hell was he doing out this late? He was walking alone, one hand stuffed into his pocket and the other swinging what looked like a bag of groceries. He was on the other side of the street but they were going in the same direction, his long strides carrying him past her. She watched as he paused and checked for cars before crossing the street ahead of her. He met her eyes suddenly, frowning as he wondered where he recognised her from. He waited for her to catch up, still frowning. ‘You’re walking on your own in the middle of the night?’ he asked, incredulous. Rey rolled her eyes.

 

‘As are you. Good evening, by the way. How are the girls?’ Kylo looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

 

‘I think you know where the difference is, Miss Niima.’ He drawled and Rey found herself furious at his suggestion. ‘The girls are fine. They’re asleep.’

 

Rey glared up at him and he glanced away. ‘I can handle myself, thanks.’ She informed him. She was fairly confident she could kick Kylo’s ass if it came to it - she had taken enough self defence classes in her life to know how to use someone’s strength against them and Kylo looked like he had strength to spare. ‘I’m ok. Thanks for your concern. Who’s with the girls?’ she probed, and Kylo furrowed his brow.

 

‘Noone. I was only nipping to the shop, they have my phone if they need me.’ Rey looked baffled.

 

‘If they have your phone, how do they contact you?’ She ignored the glaring issue that he was leaving his 6 year old sisters unsupervised for now. She would make that clear once he had explained his ridiculous system.

 

‘I have two phones. One for work, one for the rest of life.’ Rey nodded, ok that wasn’t far fetched.

 

‘You know it’s still illegal?’ she asked mildly, and Kylo shrugged. ‘Also not your best plan. At least lie to me about not doing it again so I don’t have to report you.’ He smirked at that.

 

‘I won’t do it again,’ he deadpanned, ‘which way are you headed?’ when Rey pointed to a turning a few streets down he nodded and started in that direction.

 

‘You don’t have to come with me, Kylo. I’m fine.’

 

‘I do.’

 

Rey growled under her breath and walked quickly to catch up. ‘What did you need so badly this late at night anyway?’ she asked him, wondering what was worth abandoning his sisters for.

‘Fresh air,’ Kylo said darkly, ‘peace and quiet.’ Again Rey found herself questioning why he had ended up responsible for the girls, but then he didn’t seem to have any support system. It was possible that there was no other option. She of all people could understand that he didn’t want the girls to go into the system. He stopped by a dark green door with peeling paint a few doors down from where she actually stayed.

 

‘I’m at number 26,’ she told him, continuing.

 

‘I don’t need your address,’ he told her and she felt like an idiot as he pushed a key into the lock. He hadn’t been lying then, the shop was only a few minutes away. It wasn’t the worst crime she could imagine. More to the point, he lived on her street, which was irritating. She had avoided living beside any of her class so far, but of course it had to be the twins and their brooding older brother she ended up living near. He scowled suddenly as his phone buzzed.

 

‘The girls?’ She asked, suddenly worried, but he shook his head.

 

‘It’s my social worker. I have to take this.’ He answered the phone, barging the door open with his shoulder and disappearing. Rey smiled at that. At least he had someone helping, though she was sure if social services were involved with the case then the school should know. Maybe they did - it wouldn’t be the first time she hadn’t been informed about things senior leadership had decided she didn’t need to know.

 

***

Kylo stood in the dark hallway of his building, phone pressed to his ear. ‘Yessir?’ He answered, a sour look on his face. ‘It’s late. What about the girls? No, but I shouldn’t-’ he stopped again, shoulder slumping. ‘No, I understand. No, please, don’t-’ his fist clenched at his side as he listened again. ‘I’ll go.’ he said eventually, gritting his teeth at the response and hanging up.

 

He rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time until he reached his top floor apartment. Pushing the door quietly he headed inside, quickly shoved a banana into each of the girls’ school bags which had been abandoned on the floor by the door, and stuck his head through the door to check on them. Both asleep, Annie curled around May, whose small thumb was stuffed into her mouth. Each of them clutched the small quilt he had made them on the recommendation of the family therapist they had seen shortly after the accident. He had cut sections of fabric from each of his parent’s clothes and made comforters that he’d been told would help the girls sleep. He still hadn’t worked out a way to help himself sleep. He probably deserved it. Still, looking at the sleeping girls, he uttered a small prayer of thanks to a God he had stopped believing in when he came home and found that his Dad had made good on the threats he’d heard through the wall most nights and finally left. He shook the sharp memory off and crept into the room, grabbing a black jacket and his work phone again, and heading back down the stairs.    

 

***

Rey sat down at her computer, shooting off a quick email.

 

_Hi Amalyn,_

 

_Just wondering if you knew anything about the Ren family having a social worker? Ran into Kylo today and he had to leave to take a call from them. Wondering if we could set up a meeting with them - seems like we could be working together more to help the girls._

 

_See you Monday,_

_Rey._

 

She sighed and closed down her computer, padding through to her room and grabbing a pad to scrub off her makeup. It was going to be a long wait until Monday. She should try and put everything out of her mind and just relax; school was going to be stressful for a while with all this nonsense, she deserved a break. Still, there was something about Kylo that stuck with her, useless as he was at caring for the girls. He was obviously trying. She remembered his quiet admission _‘I don’t really have anyone to talk to,’_ and something inside her twisted in sympathy. ‘Not your job,’ she muttered to herself. She threw the pad into the bin beside her dresser and headed over to bed. ‘He’s an adult, he’ll cope. You don’t need to get anymore involved.’ She heaved a sigh and lay down to sleep. She was going to get more involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, drinking while planning makes you a better teacher according to some colleagues. I don't really drink so who knows, but I do come up with crackpot schemes like this a lot. Also tf is Kylo going? Who is his mysterious social worker? Tune in next week!! (Probably Monday)


	4. Involved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds an unexpected visitor waiting on her doorstep. The mystery surrounding Kylo Ren and his small family deepens...

When Rey checked her emails on Monday morning, 5:30 am - straight after her alarm, she found Amalyn’s response. She had also copied in the support for learning teacher, Ms Tano, who had already assured Rey she was on the case looking for any kind of support for children who lost parents in their district.

 

_Rey,_

 

_Thanks for getting in touch about this - I had no idea they had a social worker. I’ll get in touch - maybe somebody on annual leave who hasn’t got round to contacting us yet? Even so there must be a file if there’s a social worker which would be helpful I’m sure. I’ll keep you posted.,_

 

_Amalyn_

 

Rey frowned as she stretched her arms above her head, working out the tightness in her shoulders. Another Monday. She clambered out of bed and headed over towards the shower. It was odd thinking that her building probably had the same layout as the flat May, Annie and Kylo were staying. Though she assumed theirs was larger - her tiny bedroom, shower and kitchen/living area would not suit a family, however small. She needed to stop obsessing about them. There were 28 pupils in her class now, each with their own issues - some bigger, some smaller - and it wasn’t fair for her focus to be completely on just two of those.

 

She screwed her eyes closed and opened them again, letting the cool water and the fresh scent of her shower gel wake her up fully. What was she teaching today? Reading was fine - new books, write your weekend diary then class news for speaking and listening - but she had no clue what she was going to do in maths. They needed to learn about missing numbers when subtracting next and it would be a challenge. Missing numbers when adding had baffled a good half of the class, so she should probably do a solid recap of that first. That meant worksheets, which meant marking. Ugh. Unless they did whiteboard work, which meant she could just check up on those she knew were struggling. Whiteboard work and self assessment, that was the way forward.

 

It took all of Rey’s self-restraint not to ring the buzzer on Kylo’s building as she passed on the way home. She did not believe for one minute that both girls were sick at the same time - there had to be another reason for their absence that day. She shook off the urge, telling herself it was highly unprofessional, and that her sticking her nose where it didn’t belong wouldn’t help anyone anyway. She walked past the door. There was probably a reasonable explanation, maybe they had an appointment or something.

 

Any sensible musings, or benefit of the doubt, she had been giving Kylo was pushed rapidly aside when she reached the door to her building and found May sitting on her front step, a small patchwork blanket clutched in both hands and an anxious expression on her face. Rey pocketed her key and crouched in front of the child. ‘Hi May. Are you ok sweetheart?’ The girl looked up, eyes widening in surprise as she registered Rey’s presence.

 

‘Miss Niima!’ the words were filled with quiet releif and Rey’s stomach churned. Where was Annie? What exactly was going on? ‘ ’m okay,’ May continued, ‘We need help.’ She was still watching Rey through those huge brown eyes, and Rey nodded. Professionalism be damned, this was a child who needed help. She would deal with the consequences later.

 

‘Ok petal, tell me what’s going on,’ she paused, remembering her child protection training. ‘I’ll try and help, but that might mean telling somebody else, ok? I need to be sure you’re safe.’ May frowned at that.

 

‘I’m fine.’ She paused, fiddling with the quilt again, ‘Kylo’s hurt,’ she said in a small voice, looking up at Rey, ‘he won’t go to the hospital, even when me an’ Annie maked him call. He just said he was fine n’ shouted at us.’

 

Rey rolled her eyes. That definitely wasn’t her job. ‘You want me to ring the hospital? I can do that, and wait with you until they come?’ May shook her head furiously, lips pressed together.

 

‘No hospitals. Ky’ll get mad again.’ Rey sighed. It was possible, she supposed, that Kylo was not that badly harmed and just wanted to avoid wasting the hospital’s time. She glanced at her door, then at the bag of books she had left on the ground beside her. She pulled the key out of her pocket again and opened the door to her building, putting the bag at the base of the stairs before offering a hand to the small girl who had followed her in, and heading back out.

 

‘Do you have a key?’ Rey asked as they reached the door that would lead up to the Ren’s flat. May shook her head and stood up on tiptoes to ring the buzzer. Number 8/3. Not too many stairs then, at least. A small voice answered and Rey bit back a smile at how polite and professional Annie sounded on the other end.

 

‘The Ren residence. Who is it?’

 

‘Me!’ May yelled up at the panel, decidedly less professionally, ‘and Miss Niima, she’s gonna help us but she’s gonna tell someone if we need to.’ Rey’s smile broke free for a moment before the severity of the situation reasserted itself in her head. There was a buzz and the door clicked open. Rey followed May who ran up the stairs, scrambling part of the way on her hands and feet. When she reached the top she rushed through the open door, leaving Rey to follow confusedly in her wake. Fortunately the flat did have a similar layout to her own, and where she predicted the living room would be was indeed where the living room was.

 

It was a mess. The air was stuffy and thick, and there was a faint stale smell that she couldn’t put her finger on. She found herself wading through laundry, discarded novels and a worrying amount of takeout containers to follow the girls across the room towards a door that, if she was right about the layout of the flat, lead to the bathroom. She paused outside for a moment, waiting for the girls to explain her presence. On a table beside her she spotted a half-drunk bottle of whisky beside a pair of tumblers. The small glass-topped table was surprisingly clean and tidy, a set of keys resting in a small glass dish beside the bottle and the cut glass tumblers, a photo of the girls in a keyring that dangled over the edge of the ornately coloured dish. It seemed out of place in the otherwise overwhelmingly messy abode. She was ripped from her musings by the sound of Annie calling through the door,

 

‘Miss Niima? Are you coming?’, followed by a low rumble she assumed was Kylo complaining, though she couldn’t hear what he was saying. She sighed. This was her in over her head, involved where she had promised to stay out of it and be a professional. Through the open door she saw the girls kneeling up beside a bathtub which seemed to be filled with towels, their small fingers gripping the edge and their backs to the door. She pushed the door and took a breath, unsure of what to expect.

  
  


The first thing that struck her was the amount of blood on the edge of the tub, but the second was Kylo’s remarkably composed appearance. Aside from his knuckles which were visibly were scabbed and bruised as he rested his huge hand over the girl’s small ones, he seemed unharmed. His nose had maybe been broken, which would explain the blood and the makeshift splint, but other than that it seemed the girls had made a mountain from a molehill. Rey had seen worse. ‘The girls lead me to believe you were dying,’ she began apologetically, ‘otherwise I wouldn’t have just barged in here. May was on my doorstep, I thought there was an emergency,’ she shifted uncomfortably as Kylo scowled at May.

 

‘I told you it was fine,’ he grumbled at his sister, ‘you didn’t need to bother Miss Niima, I’ll be fine in a few days.’ He looked up at Rey and his face returned to a neutral expression. He paused, collecting his thoughts. ‘I’m ok,’ he repeated, though Rey seemed unconvinced. There were no visible injuries, but now she was closer a few of the towels had soaked blood into the pattern, masking the severity of whatever had happened.

 

‘Why are you in the bath?’ it was an inane question, but it seemed valid and drew a pained smirk from the man reclining before her.

 

‘I didn’t want to bleed everywhere. The girls were asleep when I got in, I didn’t want to scare them when they woke up.’ Rey pressed her lips together, biting back questions as she noticed Kylo gathering his thoughts. He shifted, trying to sit up straight, but winced and gave up. ‘I was stabbed-’ he raised a hand when Rey went to speak, -’not much. It’s not a big deal. I’ve dressed it, I just need to rest for a bit. The girls have been very helpful,’ he gestured to the pillows and towels around him and shot them a small, genuine smile. Annie grinned back at him, but May still looked worried.

 

‘Stabbing is bad,’ She asserted, turning to Rey, ‘He has to go to hospital.’ Rey pursed her lips. She didn’t disagree, but at the same time she knew how important it would be not to undermine Kylo in front of the girls. She glanced at Kylo who just stared at her, not unlike one of her class when she had caught them in something they shouldn’t be doing. She threw her eyes to the ceiling for a moment and then crouched in front of the worried child.

 

‘I’ll have a look, ok? If it’s really bad we’ll go to the hospital, if not we’ll see if you can stay with someone else until Kylo’s well enough to take care of you.’

 

Kylo’s mouth turned downwards in a scowl and he muttered irritatedly, ‘there isn’t anyone. We don’t know anyone here.’ Again Rey found herself wondering why he had moved them away from any support network they may have had. Even if he had no family aside from the girls there had to have been friends, or at least a school that knew them. She sighed and made her way to sit on the edge of the tub beside Kylo’s feet.

 

‘You have a social worker, right? They could organise respite care.’ Kylo’s eyes widened for a moment and she thought she saw fear, just for a moment. She glanced down. Of course he didn’t want the social worker involved, he was trying to keep the girls. She felt for him, but at the same time this bordered on dangerous neglect; if anything went wrong how could he help the girls? They were too young to be caring for him while he was incapacitated. It wasn’t like he had support in place to make this feasible. ‘But they’ll call the cops and expose whatever nonsense you’re involved in, right?’

 

‘Fuck off,’ he snarled and the girls flinched. He bit his lip and swore again under his breath, pulling his hand back from where the girls had been grasping his fingers. ‘May, Annie, I’m not mad at you. Go play in the other room and let me talk to Miss Niima.’ He waited until the girls had scurried off, casting backward glances as they went. Rey stood and closed the door, steeling herself. She had dealt with angry parents before. This was no different. He was just in a tub, wounded and she had no legal recourse because she had entered his home. She took a deep breath and turned back, expecting to find him riled up again. Instead she saw his lip quiver almost imperceptibly as he opened his mouth to speak, ‘I’m sorry. You’re trying to help, I’m-’ he swallowed, ‘I can’t lose them,’ he murmured, and Rey found herself sinking into those big brown eyes. She blinked furiously, trying to focus on how she could help rather than on how kissable his lips looked, even split as they were right now.

 

‘I’m not trying to take them away,’ she said, frustrated. ‘But this isn’t good enough for them, you know that.’ Kylo shrugged, expression surly and Rey was back to business-mode. ‘You can sulk all you want, it doesn’t change the facts. What are you going to do?’ The man before her looked down, once again reminding her of a child she was reprimanding. She knew how she could help, but it was hugely unprofessional. It would have to stay a secret, and she didn’t know how she would achieve that with Annie and May - children weren’t known for their capacity to keep secrets, especially those who already had enough to keep. She groaned slightly. ‘I have to tell someone.’ She told Kylo gently, and his face crumpled.

 

‘Please,’ he begged. ‘You could stay? Or.. the girls could stay with you? Please don’t tell anyone, you don’t- You don’t understand the situation.’

 

Rey folded her arms. ‘Explain it then.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a plan for this fic and I have already just wandered off track down this rabbit hole, so now we're flying by the seat of our pants again. Thanks to everyone in the writing discord for all the encouragement, you guys are the best <3 And to everyone who has commented so far, you guys are lovely and I'm gald you're enjoying this! I promise there will be some answers soon rather than just all the questions!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!!


	5. An Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo offers an information-shaped olive branch.

Kylo’s side ached, a dull throbbing pain jarred by every breath and movement, but that pain was nothing in comparison to the abject fear the woman standing over him was causing. Why hadn’t the girls just fucking listened? He knew they hated him - they had every right to - but they should understand how important it was that the three of them stayed together. He had made that clear enough times. They were too fucking young, they hadn’t really known Han and Leia, not _really._ They certainly didn’t know Luke.

 

He forced himself to think back to the life they had lived before he fucked everything up - Lando would help, maybe? Or Chewie, but that would get back to Luke and he couldn’t let Luke know where he was, that wasn’t an option. Chewie blamed him anyway, and he should. There was no way he could face his father’s best friend after everything he’d done. Then what? Who? The girls deserved better, he could see that in Rey’s disapproving gaze, but there were no options. There was no way in hell he was letting Snoke take them away, that was his mess and he would deal with it. He didn’t believe for one second that the man would act in the interest of the children he was supposed to be protecting; there would be some ugly scheme in place for him to make more money when Kylo inevitably failed. He had to explain, at least something, to Rey.

 

‘I-’ He took a breath, wincing as he did so. ‘If they take them away from me they’ll send them to my Uncle,’ he muttered, frowning as he uttered the final word, ‘He seems like the perfect solution to the issue, but he’s not. No one would believe me over him, they’d just take the girls and they wouldn’t be safe. Our social worker understood that, he’s helping them start again here where we know my Uncle won’t find us.’ Kylo swallowed, looking up at her through pleading eyes. She didn’t know who his Uncle was; there was a chance she would believe him. He watched her eyes for something - anything that might suggest she was sympathetic.

 

He was a piece of shit, he knew that much, but _she_ was better than that and with the half story he had sold her she should at least pity him, even if she couldn’t accept that he was a suitable guardian. He hadn’t lied. There were certain… omissions, which painted him in a less favourable light, but if he was going to protect them Rey had to trust him. She sighed and moved to kneel beside the tub, leaning over him to carefully move the towels and pillows around where his hand pressed his side; presumably where the wound was.

 

‘I’m not going to pretend to understand what’s going on,’ she murmured as he moved his hand aside to allow her access to the wound, ‘and I know you’re trying to keep them safe, but.. - ah shit, Kylo this is...  - you should see a doctor,’ she had peeled away the makeshift bandage revealing the extent of the wound. It looked small enough, but it was still oozing which wasn’t a good sign. Rey honestly had no idea what she could do. Kylo shook his head,

 

‘I can’t. If my medical records are transferred they’ll find me. I’ve avoided any official documents since I moved. It was why I was avoiding the school,‘ he admitted. Rey sighed, that made sense. She still didn’t know how he had ended up being stabbed, but he seemed adamant about staying hidden for the girls’ sake, and as far as she could tell he wasn’t lying.

 

‘At least let me clean it,’ she demanded, looking around for something clean. Pulling open the bathroom cabinet, she found an unopened pack of sponges - it’d do. ‘Is there any alcohol I can use?’  Kylo shook his head.

 

‘I don’t keep any. ‘ He told her through gritted teeth, face contorted into an agonised snarl as she gently peeled away the fabric that stuck around the wound. She frowned.

 

‘There’s a bottle of whisky-’ She began, but stopped when she felt Kylo’s hand gripping her wrist suddenly.

 

‘That’s not mine. I haven’t drunk it, it’s just- You can’t use it. Please, Rey, it’s-’ he swallowed painfully and Rey waited for him to finish his statement. She watched as the urgency left him suddenly, confusion and resignation chasing across his expressive eyes as he deflated, suddenly defeated though by what she couldn’t say. ‘I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore. Waste not want not, right?’ he finished bitterly, and Rey rolled her eyes. More mystery. She supposed it was to do with his parents; she felt the tension in his tone that had been present the last time he had mentioned them, during the meeting at school. She sighed.

 

‘You’re sure? I could go back to my place, I have a decent first-aid kit there.’ She was going to push him, she decided. It was the only way to get the answers she needed. If she was going to risk her career, she needed to know why and who for. The girls she would happily protect, but she could do that through traditional channels, fill in a welfare concern form and let social services deal with it. Something in her wrenched against that, roiling against the notion of betraying Kylo. It was stupid; she had just met him, and she was putting her career in jeopardy - the career she had worked hard to build, working two jobs while she completed her undergrad so that she could focus on her teaching qualification and not worry about money during the year long PGCE course. Now she was risking all of that for some guy - some _kid -_ she barely knew, just because he seemed lonely? She was being stupid. Still, she waited for his response.

 

‘You won’t call anyone?’ he demanded, his eyes widening at the prospect of her leaving.

 

‘I won’t call anyone, shit Kylo, I just said what I was going to do ok?’ Her patience was beginning to wear thin - he clearly didn’t understand what she was risking by even being here, though at this point she was fairly sure she could explain away her actions. She was dealing with a medical emergency first, then she would contact someone to help out. He frowned, but released his grip on her wrist. For a moment her skin felt strangely cold where the solid warmth of his hand had been, but she didn’t dwell on that. ‘that way madness lies,’ she muttered to herself as she rose and turned out of the bathroom.

 

She found the girls huddled together, pouring over a book. _Charlie Cook’s Favourite Book_ by Julia Donaldson - the book’s theme of escapism was not lost on her in that moment. She crouched in front of the wary, worried children and smiled warmly. ‘I’m going back to my place for a minute to collect some things to help your brother ok? You can come with me if you want.’ She didn’t want them to feel abandoned, though she would hopefully only be gone for a few minutes.

 

Annie fidgeted, reaching a searching hand behind her for a minute before pulling out the phone Rey had seen Kylo carrying the day before. His work phone. Rey smiled and took it from her. ‘Good idea, sweet-pea. I’ll take this ok, so you can ring me if you need anything. That way you guys can stay here and make sure Kylo doesn’t do anything silly like trying to move anywhere ok?’ May chuckled slightly when Rey insulted her older brother, and the normal response of a younger sibling to the plight of her big brother sent a spark of relief through Rey. They were still a family. There were still strong bonds between them, despite the anxiety she had seen. She wondered if their reluctance to go with him the previous week had been born from the secrecy he had obviously sworn them to, rather than from anything more sinister. She hoped desperately that that was the case, and she hadn’t been taken in by a dangerous man.    

 

The journey to her flat was quick; she was only a few doors down, though her flat was up a lot more stairs than Kylo’s. She found her first aid kit where it hung beside her door, a relic of old anxieties that she couldn’t quite lay to rest. She grabbed it and turned to leave, quickly closing the door and locking it before hurrying down the stairs. As she did, she felt the phone in her pocket vibrate, muttering ‘crap,’ she pulled it out and answered without glancing down at the screen. ‘Annie? May? Is everything alright?’

 

‘Who exactly am I speaking to, and how did you get hold of this phone?’ A voice responded. It was somehow gruff and smooth at the same time, and she shuddered slighty. The stairwell was always cold, she told herself, taking a breath before answering the man.

 

‘I’m helping Kylo with the girls while he’s sick,’ she said, careful not to reveal her position or identity as she did. This was his work phone right? She should probably let them know he wouldn’t be coming in for a few days. ‘Listen,’ she said, holding the phone to her ear with a shoulder as she locked the door to her building, ‘I don’t think he’ll be coming in for a few days. He’s not in a good way.’

 

‘I see.’ The voice responded, ‘And you are…’

 

Rey frowned. She was not going to tell whoever this was anything they didn’t need to know. ‘I told you, I’m just helping with the girls right now.’

  
‘Yes, the girls. Of course, if he’s… unwell -’ there was an amused quality to the man’s voice that infuriated Rey, and she had to bite back a retort, but the man on the other end continued blithely -’ they will need somebody _competent_ to care for them. Very well. Tell Kylo I expect to see him soon. He’ll know who rang.’ With that the man was gone. Rey frowned and checked the name on the screen. _Snoke._  She wondered idly if that was a first name, or a surname, or just a company name. She would investigate later on. Right now she had a job to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have a small revelation, but I'm sorry guys, I'm going for a mystery vibe with this so no more answers for now. You'll have to be patient with me and with Kylo. He's certainly torn up about something though right? And what about that mysterious Snoke? What's he up to? 
> 
> Much love to the ladies at The Writing Den for encouraging me to keep writing this and actually get stuff done! You guys are the best <3
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


	6. A bargain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo come to an arrangement. The girls have an important task to carry out.

‘So we’re agreed?’ She asked again. Kylo grimaced, still squashed into the bathtub, but more comfortable at least now that she had helped him dress the wound properly. ‘I’ll stay here, I don’t mind sleeping on the couch, until you’re doing better?’  
  


‘As long as it’s not mentioned at school, got it. The girls can keep a secret, they’ll be ok. Or I’ll ring and say we’re away at a funeral or something so they aren’t at school until you’re gone.’ Rey glared at him at that, and he seemed to shrink beneath her gaze. It was a risky idea, but it was all she had right now. She didn’t want to get him into trouble; he was clearly very anxious about whoever his Uncle was ending up in charge of the girls, and for all she knew he had good reason. Still, the girls needed to be in school. ‘Fine, fine,’ Kylo grumbled, cowed by her gaze, ‘I’ll send them to school. They’re six though, they can both read, I don’t see why Missing a few days is a big deal.’ He added, unwilling to let her have the last word.  
  


‘There are a lot of benefits to being at school beyond learning to read. And I know they’re good at number as well, don’t start with that,’ she held up a hand to stop him arguing again, ‘But socialising is very important for, them, especially as the new kids in class.If they disappear for more than a day it sets them back. I can get them into breakfast club, that way they can ride to school with me.’  
  


Kylo sneered at her comment about socialising, but agreed to her terms. She would stay. The girls would keep it quiet. Rey ran a hand through her hair. ‘Right, I’m going back to mine to get some stuff then I’m going to try and get some sleep. I’m usually at work by seven so the girls should get to bed too.’  
  
  
Kylo shifted slightly into a more upright position, wincing as he did. ‘May, Annie. Come here a minute.’ He called, and Rey stepped aside to let the children past. She smiled at Kylo briefly in parting and left the room.  
  


Kylo nodded his goodbye and turned to the girls who stood beside the bathtub. ‘Are you ready for your next mission, my knights?’ he began in an overly formal tone. The girls giggled, and Annie knelt, bowing her head, ‘Anything, Sir Kylo!’ she grinned and Kylo smirked back. ‘Ok. Your mission is to protect the fair Ms. Niima from harm while she stays in our Kingdom. You are strong and brave, and I believe you are up to the challenge. If anyone were to discover she was staying in this land, terrible things might befall her. It is your sacred duty to guard the truth.’

  
Fuck this was nonsense, but the girls seemed to be lapping it up. He supposed he would have at their age, if anyone had bothered to play with him. He had been showing the girls the books he’d kept about castles and knights, myths and legends. At their age it had been all he was interested in, and they were some of the only kids books he could find when he was packing up everyone’s things. He nodded somberly as each child shook his hand, accepting the challenge, before he continued. ‘Very well. You truly possess the spirit of a noble warrior. But to complete your sacred task you must rest. Bedtime.’ The girls’ faces fell, but he remained stern and serious. ‘I mean it, off you go. You’ll see Ms. Niima in the morning, she’s going to be helping us out.’  
  


On the other side of the door Rey hurried off, not wanting the girls to know she had been listening in. She grinned as she ran down the stairs. Well, well, well. It seemed Kylo Ren was perhaps not as brooding and angst-ridden as she first suspected. He was certainly capable when it came to dealing with his sisters, and she was glad to see him enjoying time with them. An idea came to her suddenly and her grin broadened. Kylo would have no real option but to agree, once he was suitably recovered. He owed her. She was going to ask him to start their space topic. His voice wouldn’t be easily recognisable to any of the kids aside from Annie and May, and having Kylo there might help them feel more included in the school community.

 

When she returned, Kylo had managed to maneuver himself out of the tub somehow, though the action had clearly cost him - Rey saw blood bloom dark against the dressing she had applied to his left abdomen, obvious now he had removed his shirt and changed into jogging bottoms. She scowled at him. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ she asked, incredulous. The man was going to drive her mad. Kylo leant against the doorframe to a room she assumed was the bedroom, breathing slowly and deliberately. For a minute she found herself hypnotised by the movement of his ribs, but her attention was captured once more when he spoke.

 

‘I was getting the girls in bed.’ He spoke through gritted teeth, and Rey wondered if he was capable of standing without the support of the doorframe. How he had crossed the flat was a mystery to her, but it was becoming more and more clear that this was a man with very little regard for his own wellbeing. Rey groaned and walked over to him, offering an arm in support. He just looked at her, confused.

 

‘Take it. I’m getting you somewhere you can lie down again, you shouldn’t be moving around.’ She had done some googling and found that Kylo’s injury would probably heal on its own, but that he would need to stay still for the next few days to allow his body to sort itself out. She suspected that would be difficult, the pitiless tone of Kylo’s boss on the other end of the line coming to mind. ‘Tell him I expect to see him soon.’ She had not told Kylo about the call yet, that would have to come later. She glanced around the room, looking to see if there was another bedroom, or somewhere for him to sleep, but she saw nothing.

 

‘I was going to sleep in the tub,’ Kylo told her, still keeping his breathing slow and deep, managing the pain as much as he could.

 

‘That’s ridiculous,’ Rey told him bluntly. ‘It’s half your size. You’ll have to stay wherever I put you for a few days if you’re going to recover properly, you should be comfortable.’ Kylo rolled his eyes in response.

 

‘I’ve been on the couch since the girls moved in. I’m used to being uncomfortable.’

 

Rey dropped her arm as Kylo still refused to take it. She had an airbed. It meant another trip back to her flat, but that was just fine. She looked at her watch. Shit, it was close to 11:00pm now, and she was usually in bed by 10:00 on a school night. She needed to get this sorted and get to bed if she was going to be any use at school the next day. ‘Wait there.’ She instructed as she took off again.

 

Kylo waited until she was out of the door before he sank down against the doorframe, putting his head in his hands and breathing deeply. Behind him he heard the girls soft, steady breaths as they lay sleeping. He could picture exactly how they lay - he had seen it enough now. They would be curled into each other, impossibly small in his bed, clinging to each other like a survivor clings to a raft in a shipwreck. It was a shipwreck of his own making, he thought bitterly, and they were the victims. Maybe he should just let Ms. Niima report him. If he didn’t know for a fact that fucking Luke was the person they’d end up with he would agree in a heartbeat. He wasn’t a good guardian, he knew that. He wasn’t even a good person. They deserved so much better, they always had, and he had taken that away.

 

They deserved their Mum and Dad. The Mum and Dad that had finally managed to get their shit together and do it right this time. The parents he had fantasised about when he was growing up who had finally learned from their mistakes raising him and managed to get it right. The parents who had done everything right for the girls except one shitty mistake that had cost them everything - letting him back into their lives. He pressed his lips together. It was the pain talking, he told himself. You’re trying, Fuck, look at the bullshit you’re caught up in so that they stay safe. Better isn’t an option for them unless you do better. ‘Fucking grow up.’ He muttered the last phrase to himself under his breath as the door clicked open again, revealing a triumphant Rey holding an airbed and an electric pump.

 

‘I found it!’ she grinned, and he smiled weakly up at her. Rey crossed the room and found a plughole, settling down and beginning to fill the air bed. Once it was full she put it in the middle of the living room floor, chucked some cushions and a blanket on it from the couch and approached Kylo again. ‘I brought sheets from my place,’ she gestured to a bag for life that sat beside the door, ‘So I’ll use them and you can use your stuff.’ She offered her arm again and he took it this time, struggling to stand even with the support. Rey shot him a sideways glance and he glared at her.

 

‘Shut up.’ He muttered as they slowly made their way to the bed. Once he was settled and Rey had quickly washed and changed in the bathroom, she padded back into the living room, tucking herself up on the couch. It was surprisingly comfortable, despite Kylo’s complaints, though she supposed he would have to contort himself into some bizarre folded shape to fit on, which was probably the root of it. She closed her eyes welcoming sleep, but a thought struck her. She opened her eyes.

 

‘You know you still haven’t told me how you ended up getting stabbed.’ She said accusingly into the darkness. She heard Kylo curse quietly under his breath but he made no further response. ‘I know you’re not asleep. Tell me.’ There was a groan from somewhere close to the ground and then he spoke again.

 

‘I was mugged.’ He said simply, and Rey sighed. It was a reasonable explanation, combined with his fear of his Uncle finding them she supposed it made sense that he wouldn’t report it, but his reluctance to tell her about it made her suspicious. Another mystery for another day, she supposed and turned toward the back of the couch again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were we expecting the knights of Ren in a modern au? I mean we didn't really get them but still. Fun fact, I was way too into medieval history when I was around six, so there may be mild self insertion going on. Plus I just taught a topic on castles (big classroom debate about is Kylo Ren really a knight. The best times.) 
> 
> I haven't updated so much recently because I'm staying with my parents for a couple of weeks to look after my sister after an operation. Summer holidays is basically a busy time with lots of away from home times without a computer, but I'm trying to update when I can. I hate typing on my iPad though. 
> 
> As always much love to the ladies of The Writing Den <3 and thank you so much for all the lovely comments! Keep them coming and maybe Kylo'll get his shit together (not likely just yet.)


	7. Deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds herself more and more embroiled in Kylo's chaos. The girls continue to be cuties.

Rey yawned again for what felt like the hundredth time. The staff meeting was dragging, and it was all things she had heard before anyway. She didn’t know how many more times she was going to have to sit through asthma and allergies information sessions, but it seemed like the ‘information’ was the same year after year. Finn raised an eyebrow as she tried to suppress a further yawn.

 

‘You ok?’ he muttered to her, and she nodded.

 

‘Yeah, just didn’t sleep well.’ She replied, and he pushed his coffee mug towards her. She smiled at him gratefully and took a gulp before passing it back.

 

‘Nah, finish it. I only made it out of habit anyway. I don’t need more caffeine.’ He told her and she grinned.

 

‘You’re the best.’ She told him, and he smirked back.

 

‘I’m aware.’  At the front of the room Hux cleared his throat, glaring at the two of them. Beside him, Poe, the other P7 teacher shot her an apologetic glance. She did not understand how those two worked so well together, but they really did. The combination of Hux’s meticulous organisation and high academic expectations and Poe’s inspiring attitude and general spirit of fun seemed to really prepare kids for the difficult transition to highschool. It didn’t make Hux any less annoying to work with though, and Rey was glad that the two seemed to be stuck together no matter what year group they were placed in. She did not want to end up working alongside Hux.

 

Nonetheless, she shut up and sipped at the coffee. It was sweeter than she usually took it, but right now the sugar seemed to be doing her good. She took a deep slow breath and looked up at the clock. Ten minutes until they were supposed to finish. Thank goodness. She had a ton of cutting out to do for a display when she got back, and she needed to get the girls from after-school club. She had managed to sell the idea that Kylo was unwell and she was just giving the girls a lift because she lived close by and they had become friends well enough that the grey area was generally accepted. Amalyn had even smiled at her and told her that she thought it was great that Rey was helping the family out. Rey had smiled back politely, all too aware that the extent of her help was not something that would be accepted. When the meeting finished she rushed out, calling a general goodbye to her colleagues and grabbing her bags from her classroom as she passed.

 

She headed out to the after-school club to pick up the girls before rushing them to the bus stop, her rucksack hanging from one shoulder as they arrived just in time to get on. She saw the girls grip each other’s hands tightly as the engine started and sighed quietly, placing a hand on first May, then Annie’s shoulder from the seat behind and giving them a reassuring squeeze. ‘Not too long until we’re home, kids.’ Annie nodded without turning and May didn’t respond. Rey wondered again if there was anything she could be doing. She determined to get the meeting with their social worker set up as soon as she could - she needed to make sure that the family was getting the support it needed without her having to be this involved.

 

She barged the door to the flat open with her hip, letting the girls run in ahead. The two turned as she came in, lifting fingers to their lips. ‘Kylo’s asleep,’ grinned Annie. Rey shot her a confused look as she scampered away purposefully and Annie beckoned her closer. The girl raised up a hand to Rey’s ear and whispered - a sound which was probably louder than the girl’s natural speaking voice, but that created an air of mystery. ‘If Daddy was asleep we used to draw on him. Mummy said it was the only app- appro…’ she trailed off, unsure of the word.

 

‘Appropriate’ Rey supplied, whispering to join in with the girls’ game.

 

‘Approbriate, yes! The only approbriate punishment for sleeping at daytime.’ Rey smiled at the mispronunciation but didn’t correct it. She was distracted by May arriving with a pack of sharpies in hand, and swiftly took them from the girl.

 

‘I have some better pens in my bag,’ she explained, placing the permanent markers out of reach of the children and going to collect washable markers from her rucksack. She handed these to the girls who proceeded to carefully lift Kylo’s arm, turning it and beginning to decorate him with rainbows, spaceships and brightly coloured, largely unrecognisable, animals. After a few minutes she noticed that Kylo had woken but was watching them. From behind them she mouthed ‘Coffee?’ he inclined his head slightly in agreement and she went through to the small kitchen area, still watching the girls as they drew on their brother. He allowed them to continue for a few minutes more before blinking his eyes open and feigning shock at the images that now adorned him. Rey wandered back over, bending to offer him the drink she had brewed. He shuffled until he was sitting, back against the wall, breathing heavily at the effort the movement had cost. He sipped the coffee, closing his eyes again.

 

‘How was school?’ He asked, and Rey wasn't sure if he was speaking to her or to the girls. She waited, letting Annie speak first instead.

 

‘Fine.’ Rey smirked. Of course that was the response. She reminded herself that children were naturally tired at the end of a day at school, and recounting everything they had learned would be too much for them at that point. Fortunately May spoke up, explaining a little more about what had happened.

 

‘We learned about spring!’ She told Kylo excitedly, ‘we listened to the birds and used ‘noculars’ He smirked at that and looked up at Rey.

 

‘Sounds like a fun day. Very Snow White.’ Rey glared at him, resisting the urge to swear. Sometimes the impression people got of her job as easy and fun, with her, the perfect Disney princess leading a gaggle of adoring children, grated. Today had been a nightmare, though she wouldn't admit it in front of the girls. Marcus, one of her children who was honestly too smart for the class, had been especially arrogant and irritating, and she had had to go and hide in her supply closet ‘collecting coloured paper for later’ until she was sure she wouldn't scream at him. During that time he had riled up all of the usual suspects and she had come out to find six children queueing to tell tales and two crying in different corners of the room, attended by very concerned and not very useful classmates.

 

They had gone on a ‘spring walk’ so that the children who needed to blow off steam could do so outside where there was space to run around.

 

‘Yep, my class is a fantastic place to be. I bet you wish you were six again.’ She expected him to laugh at that, or scoff and send back some biting comment. Instead he looked down, pensive.

 

I wouldn't object to a second try,’ he told her, his piercing gaze rising to meet hers once more. She shifted uncomfortably, wondering where to go with this. The room fell quiet as the children sensed the altered mood, looking between their brother and their teacher. Kylo’s eyes flicked over to his sisters, then back to Rey.

 

‘Yeah I hear you,’ she murmured to him, frowning. He wanted to tell her something else, but not with the girls there. She plastered a smile back on her face and turned to the girls. ‘Ok kids, the downside of having me here to look after you is that I know you both have reading books in your bags. Go get them for me ok?’ The girls stood, still eyeing the adults in the room as they went to collect their school bags from the bedroom. Kylo turned back to Rey once they had gone and bit his lip.

 

‘I was looking at regulations and stuff,’ he said quietly, quickly - obviously not wanting the girls to overhear the conversation. Rey walked across to the door and glanced through,

 

‘I heard you read this morning so for now you can read to each other ok? I need to talk to your brother a minute.’ She waited a moment for the girls to acknowledge her instruction before closing the door. Kylo sighed, pinching his forehead and closing his eyes.

 

‘You're good with them,’ he told her, the _I’m not_ implicit and untrue.

 

‘It's my job to be good with them,’ Rey smiled, choosing to keep the conversation between the lines, ‘I've been working with kids for three years now, I'd kind of hope I was getting good at dealing with them.’ She walked over and sat on the ground beside the bed, leaning her back against the wall.

 

‘It's not your job to be here, though.’ He told her, serious again, ‘I was reading up about the laws around this. It's kind of a grey area…’ he trailed off and Rey waited. He wasn't wrong, she could definitely get in trouble for this. He glanced sideways, waiting for a response, but when she didn't make one he continued. ‘I don't want you risking your career for this, it’s… It's obviously what you're meant to be doing, I-’

 

He looked at her again, uncertain and Rey pressed her lips together, thinking. ‘You're not wrong. Look, the only way for me to make this ok is to fill in a concern form, but that causes a lot of problems for you and the girls. You said they wouldn't be safe if they went to your Uncle? I'm not going to put them in danger.’ She saw his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed before he turned to face her, his head this time, not just his eyes.

 

‘The longer you're here the more dangerous it is.’ He said bluntly, and Rey rolled her eyes.

 

‘You're not keeping me against my will. I chose to be here and I will decide what the best thing for me to do is. Right now that's helping your sisters, legal or not,’ her eyes flashed and she held his gaze until he looked down. ‘You can't stand up and they're too young to be on their own. I'm trying to set up a meeting with your social worker at school so we can work out a better way to help, but I'll stall until you're healthy ok?’ Kylo was pale already, paler since he had been wounded, but Rey was still sure she saw what little colour remained drain from his face when she mentioned his social worker. This was.. it was verging on ridiculous. No scrap that it was ridiculous. ‘Kylo you said he’s helping you. Why are you-’

 

‘I'd prefer it if you didn't meet him.’ Kylo spoke through gritted teeth and Rey stood up, suddenly.

 

‘Right. Well that's what’s happening. I'm the one sticking my neck out here, Kylo. I'm trying to -’

 

She was interrupted by the buzzer. She whipped around to glare at Kylo, ‘This is not over.’ She told him, going to lift the phone and speak to whoever was outside.

 

‘Don't just answer it!’ Kylo hissed behind her as she reached for the knob. She looked at him, equal parts questioning and accusing. He rolled his eyes. ‘There's a video screen, describe them to me. People are looking for me.’

 

‘People?’ Rey hissed back, now was not the time but Kylo was obviously involved in something shady and she was getting closer and closer to filing a report and getting those kids out from the middle of all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter doesn't so much fit, but I couldn't think of anything better... This is just filler again but we're coming up on actual plot points and drama in a couple of chapters, so hang tight! (aka I postpone the bits that will make me sad for fluff with minor angst) 
> 
> Also I haven't been writing as much because I was home looking after my sister after an operation. I'm back home now though so have access to a computer again, hooray!! I will probably be updating more frequently in the next couple of weeks.
> 
> As always much love to the ladies (thus far only ladies I think) of The Writing Den - you guys are the best and make me actually write things. 
> 
> Check out my tumblr
> 
> Or The Writing Den on tumblr.


	8. An Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 'friend' of Kylo's arrives, removing the urgency and forcing Rey to think about her role in Kylo's life.

Rey looked at the small screen. A tall, blonde woman stood on the other side, impatience written on her face. Rey relayed the information to Kylo who let his head fall back against the wall, visibly relieved. 

 

‘It's just Phasma.’ He said, which meant nothing to Rey, but she lifted the phone and pressed the button to let her in. When she heard footsteps at the top of the stairs, she opened the door. The woman brushed past her, not offering a word of greeting but instead casting a look from Rey’s head to her toes. Rey frowned but followed the woman into the room.

 

‘Ren’  She said, still acting as though Rey wasn't even in the room. Kylo scowled up at her, not speaking. ‘Snoke said you got stabbed,’ she glanced over at Rey then and shot her a cold smile. ‘You can go now, I’ll take it from here.’ Rey looked at Kylo who kept his gaze on the ground.

 

‘Excuse me?’ She asked, still incensed from her argument with Kylo. The woman turned then, facing her, an eyebrow raised. 

 

‘You can go,’ she spoke slowly, ‘I’m staying. The girls will be fine with me.’ 

 

‘Could you go and sit with the girls while I speak to Phasma?’ Kylo spoke up, his exhaustion seeming to deepen as he begrudgingly dismissed her. Rey shot him a questioning look, but he avoided her eye and she didn't want to push in front of this stranger. She left the room, closing the door behind her and sitting down on the bed. At least she could use this time to gather more information on Kylo. 

 

Looking around the room for anything that would give her more insight into the mysterious man who had thoroughly disrupted her life, her eyes settled on a small photo of a man and a woman. The man was smirking, smile lines around his eyes telling of a life filled with easy smiles and laughter. The woman looked tired, but she still smiled, brushing the hair from the eyes of the girl balanced on her hip. Rey couldn't tell if it was Annie or May, the girls looked so similar, but she spotted the other peeking out from behind the man’s leg. This must be their parents. She wondered why Kylo wasn't in the picture, but she supposed with the age gap between him and his sisters it was hardly unusual for him to be absent in some of the family moments. It was strange, though, that she hadn't spotted any further pictures of the family in the rest of the flat. 

 

Annie spotted her looking and put down her reading book. She shuffled across and picked up the picture, bringing it to sit beside Rey. ‘It's my Mummy and Daddy.’ She said, pointing to the people in turn. ‘My Mummy had pretty hair like May. I didn’t like it, it hurt.’ Rey smiled, noting the matching braids of both the mother and one daughter, and their conspicuous absence on the child held in her arms. 

 

‘May didn't like having her picture taken, huh?’ She asked. Annie shook her head, turning to poke her tongue out at  May who was still reading. May glared, but ignored her sister. ‘Did Kylo take the photo?’ She asked, careful not to alter her tone of casual interest. Annie frowned, looking up at her. 

 

‘Kylo didn't live with us,’ she said, apparently baffled that Rey didn’t know every detail of her life. ‘He shouted at Daddy when he came and Mummy was sad so then he didn't come again.’ Rey nodded slowly, silent until she noticed both girls looking at her, anxiously waiting for a response - some judgement or reassurance about the character of their guardian. She put on a serious expression and spoke gently.

 

‘Sometimes grown ups get cross at each other and it makes them do silly things, even to people they love.’ She hazarded. She honestly didn’t know enough about the situation to reassure the girls, but her statement seemed to satisfy them. 

 

‘It's alright,’ May piped up from across the small room. ‘Ben he came in his car and then we went to the zoo and had ice cream.’ Rey smiled. Ben again - that must be Kylo’s real name. She stored the information and continued.

 

‘The zoo?’ She injected a ludicrous amount of amazement into her tone, not wanting to leave the girls angry at their brother. 

 

‘And I saw a draff,’ May told her, eyes alight. 

 

‘It's a gi- raffe,’ Annie replied, imperious and May glared at her. 

 

‘Kylo said it didn't matter how we said it and we had to stop fighting so stop it!’ May shouted, and Rey cleared her throat.

 

‘Ok, shall we read your book now girls?’ She interrupted, diverting their attention from the argument. She picked up one of the copies of Dragon Adventure and patted the spots beside her. The girls dutifully shuffled back to where they had been beside her and leaned over to read the book. They had reached the part where the magic key began to glow when they heard Kylo’s voice.

 

‘Fuck you!’ The snarled words rang out, making the girls giggle nervously. 

 

‘Its bad to to swear,’ May muttered, 

 

‘it means you don't have a big enough ‘cabulary to describe your feelings,’ Annie continued, clearly parroting someone else.

 

‘I'm sure Kylo’s just grumpy,’ Rey assured them, and May nodded sagely.

 

‘Girls?’ And unfamiliar voice called, that Rey assumed was Phasma - still not acknowledging Rey. The girls perked up when they heard her voice, though bouncing off the bed and half skipping through the door before running across to grab onto her legs, sitting on her feet. Phasma reached down to ruffle their hair.

 

‘Hey kids,’ she said gruffly, before looking back up at Kylo. ‘They'll be fine. We’ve done this before, right Kyle?’ Kylo glared at her from the air bed, and Rey sensed there was more going on than just an irritating nickname. 

 

‘I don't need you to babysit me.’ He told her, eyes fixed firmly on the floor. ‘I'll be fine in a few days.’ Phasma scoffed.

 

‘Right, then I’ll only be here for a few days. Ms. Niima here can go home and stop risking her career for you.’ The woman continued to stare down at Kylo, not consulting Rey. She bristled at the woman’s knowledge of her and her refusal to include her in the conversation. She took a step closer, clenching her jaw.

 

‘I’ll happily stay, that's my choice. My career is not your concern thanks. Unless you want me to go?’ She looked at Kylo and he shrugged.

 

‘It's up to you. The girls are fine with Phasma, and it makes more sense.’ The unspoken  _ but I’d prefer it if you stayed,  _ hung heavy in the air between them, but unsaid it held no sway over her. She rolled her eyes inwardly but maintained a steady tone and expression for the sake of the girls.

 

‘Right, then you need to stop fighting and organise getting them something to eat. It’ll be their bedtime soon enough.’ She crouched down so she was at eye level with them. 

 

‘I put my number in your brother’s phone ok? If you need me you can call me and I'll come round again. Have fun with Phasma and I'll see you at school tomorrow.’ She left the building before anyone had time to respond, closing the door and taking a deep breath. She was way too young to feel this responsible for two young kids. It was a good thing, she told herself. It made everything easier. She didn't have risk her career now, she could still help out in small ways, and she was better off uninvolved in whatever Kylo had gotten himself into. Even as she thought that, her phone buzzed. An unknown number. She answered and heard Kylo’s voice on the other end.

 

‘Are you alright? I didn't know Snoke knew about any of this. He won’t do anything with the information, not yet anyway.’ The information… It took a minute for Rey to realise what he meant. Phasma had known who she was. She swallowed.

 

‘Look, as long as no one at school knows I think we’re ok. You're sure you're alright with Phasma caring for you and the girls?’ She heard him scoff on the other end of the line. 

 

‘The girls are fine.’

 

‘And you?’ She wasn't going to let him slip away that easily. 

 

‘I'll be fine, I’m always fine.’ Rey hummed her doubt, but accepted the statement.

 

‘I’ll drop by tomorrow to check on you anyway.’

 

‘You don't have to,’ he protested again but she was having none of it.

 

‘I know. I still will.’ She hung up before he could object any further and headed back toward her flat. She needed to sleep, she still had school in the morning. 

 

Try as she might, though, sleep would not come. She lay, eyes closed, mind racing, blinking her eyes open every so often to check the clock. A few minutes past midnight. She could still get a good five or six hours sleep if her mind would just shut up and let her drift off. Eyes closed again, let your mind go blank. Don't think. Stop.

 

What if the girls weren't safe with Phasma? She had been nice to them when Rey was there, but she had also been rude and cold to Rey. That probably didn't mean anything. Maybe she liked Kylo, maybe she resented Rey for insinuating herself into his family. Had she really been so desperate to be a part of something, so lonely that she had put her career at risk for a man she barely knew and two girls she had just met? She was an idiot. Plutt was right, she wasn't coping out here on her own, she was obviously having some sort of breakdown. She was just a desperate, scared girl, not the competent woman she pretended to be… this line of thought wasn't helping anything, she told herself. She should just write a concern report and leave it at that. There were systems in place to help Kylo, he had a social worker, if she let them know the man was struggling surely they would put more support in place. She didn’t need to go round tomorrow to check on them - she’d see the girls at school. Going round meant one thing - she was worried about Kylo. Well she was. Ugh.

 

One am. Still time for five hours sleep. Who was Phasma anyway? How did she know Kylo? How had she known who Rey was? The two hadn’t seemed particularly friendly, but… Go to sleep. Stop obsessing. Rey groaned and rolled over, forcing her eyes closed and drifting into fitful rest. The theorising could wait until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to reread this because i forgot what actually happened in this chapter, but I hope you guys liked it! We have some rocky stuff coming up in the next coupleof chapters so get ready.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, and as usual you can come find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology)
> 
> And check out my awesome network or reylo writers extraordinaire [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/)
> 
> (House Crylo for life!)


	9. Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a bit more about Kylo's family. Finn is having some issues.

The following few weeks fell into a strange sort of routine; Rey collected the girls on the way to school and dropped them off afterwards, poking her head round to check on Kylo. On the days that Phasma was out, she’d make some excuse about why she needed to talk to Kylo about an incident at school, but as time went by the excuses stopped and he would invite her in no questions asked. Some days the two adults didn’t really speak; Kylo, now more mobile as he recovered from his injury, would sit on the sofa and read with the girls and Rey would set up on the kitchen counter and get through some marking, the sound of the family behind her providing a blanket white noise she’d never really experienced before. She was used to marking in the silence of her classroom at the end of the day, the only sounds the distant chat of coworkers, or music from Finn’s room as he got on with his own marking. Here the girls reading books Rey knew by heart, having heard them from every child in their reading group already that week, and Kylo’s quiet prompting - now properly sounded out after she had explained that the girls would have learned using phonics, and needed letter sounds not their names, to help them - warmed her heart. She didn’t need to listen, not really, but knowing that for an hour or two she could pretend to be a part of their family was a feeling she didn’t want to relinquish. 

 

One particular Tuesday she found Kylo waiting by the door, the corner of his lip twitching upwards as he was handed bookbags and the ‘weather-ometers’ the girls had made out of paper plates and split pins that day. Rey pushed past him, carefully avoiding actually making contact as she barged into his flat. She looked around. Something was off. It was tidier than it had been the first time she had come in thanks to Phasma, but that wasn’t it. There was something else missing. She turned to see Kylo smirking at her. ‘The airbed.’ He intoned, and Rey turned back to the room where the girls had taken off their shoes and started a game of tag in the newly emptied space. ‘Phasma decided we don’t need babysitting anymore.’ Rey beamed and moved across to put down her bags. 

 

‘That’s great, Kylo. I did think you were looking a bit more human, and you’ve been standing for more than a couple of minutes so that’s progress.’

 

Kylo rolled his eyes, face returning to its usual dour expression. ‘You know what, I might even be up to kicking you out of here if you insist on belittling me at every turn.’ He told her, going to grab two mugs from the cupboard. He winced as he reached up though, and Rey gently shoved him aside. 

 

‘You can’t kick me out, you need me to get you things.’ She reached, but failed to actually grab anything. Why was everything so high up? ‘Do you have a stool or something?’ 

 

Kylo left and returned with a step Rey had seen by the bathroom sink, putting it beside her. ‘I could always just use this myself.’ He told her, and she stuck out her tongue, climbing up to get the grey mugs. Kylo flicked the switch on the kettle and began spooning instant coffee into them once Rey had placed them on the sideboard, and Rey went over to find work in her bags. As she did so she saw one of the girls careen into the small table beside the bedroom door, and Kylo looked up.

 

‘Be careful!’ he barked at them, and May flinched. Kylo glanced back at Rey before heading over, and she pretended to continue searching through her bag as she watched. He crouched in front of May who scowled at the floor. He grabbed her elbows to catch her attention and she glared at him. He glared back. ‘You know you’re not supposed to be running around in here. You could have broken Mum and Dad’s stuff, you don’t want that, right?’ May shook her head, and behind Kylo Rey frowned at the interaction. Nothing sinister exactly, but Kylo’s emotion was genuine. She never told kids off when she was genuinely angry with them, she had been taught to make an excuse and remove herself until she was ready to deal with the issue calmly. Then she could pretend to be cross if necessary, but never actually frighten a child. Of course she doubted Kylo had had any education when it came to dealing with kids - most parents didn’t get much aside from contradictory parenting books, and that was only if they sought them out. When he had finished talking to May, Kylo stood and checked the items on the small table, rearranging the car keys in the glass dish and moving the tumblers a little further apart so that they didn’t touch when the table rattled. Satisfied he headed back over to where the kettle had boiled and poured water over the coffee granules. The atmosphere in the room had chilled slightly, and Rey could see he was still rattled as he went to check the girls’ bags for letters. 

 

‘Just flyers for a basketball club today,’ she told him, keping her tone light. The girls hadn’t put their hand up when she’d asked if anyone was interested in the club so she figured it was probably junk. Kylo nodded and set the bags down again. Rey grabbed his coffee and brought it to him. ‘Sit down. You pulled at your wound again, you need to rest.’ 

 

‘I don’t need you telling me what I need to do.’ He snapped back, sitting anyway. ‘I’m an adult, I don’t need a carer.’ Rey sighed and sat beside him, a folder full of cutting out for the following day under her arm.

‘Just as well, because I’m not here to look after you.’ She handed him a pair of scissors and a sheet of matching cards. ‘Cut these.’ He took them, still pouting, and set to work. After a few moments of quiet aside from the sounds of the girls playing in the other room and the quiet scraping of scissors on paper, Rey spoke. ‘That stuff belongs to your parents then?’ she asked, keeping her eyes on her work. Kylo grunted his assent but didn’t explain any further. ‘You miss them.’ She said, fascinated by his odd relationship with the people she had only seen once in a photo. This time he looked across at her, head still bent over the task she had given him but eyes wide, lips slightly parted. 

 

‘Why are you pushing this?’ he asked eventually, ‘You didn’t know them, why does it matter?’ Rey shrugged. 

 

‘I’m nosy?’ she suggested and his lip twitched towards a smile briefly, but fell again quickly. 

 

‘It’s hard. I wish they were there for Annie and May.’ he told her eventually and she smiled sadly.

 

‘That makes sense. They’re very young to lose a parent.’ She paused again, a question occurring to her that she might get a real answer to. ‘There’s a big age gap between you guys. Was that planned or…’

 

‘No. Who would plan a nineteen year age gap between their kids?’ Kylo scoffed, putting down the scissors and taking a long drink of his coffee before continuing. ‘My Mum was only 18 when i was born. It was a big scandal. I think they made her and Dad get married to cover it over.’ He grimaced. ‘It didn’t work too well. They loved each other but they had very different life plans. Dad walked out when I was nine.’ Rey winced as he studied his palms, focussing on anything but her. ‘After I left they got back together.’ He sounded so lost. Rey shuffled a little closer and put a hand on his shoulder, surprising him. 

 

‘That’s when they had the girls?’ She prompted and Kylo nodded. 

 

‘They sought me out and tried to fix things. It never really worked, but I got to meet my sisters. That’s something right?’ He asked bitterly, and Rey found herself more confused than she had been initially. Why did they need to seek him out? Even if he had left home, surely his parents should have still been in touch with him. It was unfair. Whenever she pictured a normal nuclear family like that, she imagined everything being solvable by the bonds of love that should tie them together. All of this seemed so painful and broken. She was being naive, she knew that. She had seen enough broken families in her time as a teacher, but never the far reaching consequences. She didn’t know what to say, how to make this alright, but she couldn’t just stay silent. She was determined to find some way to fix this, at least to make sure he didn’t lose the family he had left. She squeezed his shoulder and stood, taking her empty cup to the kitchen as he continued to cut the resources in silence. 

 

‘You’re doing a good thing.’ She called across to him, ‘keeping them safe. Making sure they know they’re loved. That’s important. And you know I’m here if you need me.’ 

 

Kylo stood and followed her with his mug. ‘I owe you a lot.’ He told her quietly and she grinned at him. Now was the time, then.

 

‘Funny you should say that,’ she smirked, ‘I do have a favour to ask you actually.’ Kylo raised an eyebrow and Rey continued. ‘I need someone to come hide in a cupboard and pretend to fly a spaceship. Just to start a topic off, it wouldn’t need to be for more than ten minutes,’ she explained the plan and Kylo nodded along.

 

‘I don’t know how good I’ll be, but I’ll try.’ He agreed once she was finished and then she wasn’t sure if it was his proximity as he reached round her to put his mug in the sink, or his uncertainty in the aftermath of their intense conversation, but she found her arms around him, head leant against his chest. He was so solid and warm she could just stay there forever, but she felt him awkwardly pat her shoulder and try to move away. She stepped back. ‘Sorry. I’m just excited about the topic. It’s going to be so cool having someone most of them don’t know. It makes it more beleivab- hang on,’ she pulled her phone out of her pocket as it buzzed. Finn. ‘Let me get this.’ Kylo nodded and Rey left the flat, leaning against the front door.

 

‘How’s it going? I got Kylo to do our spaceship thing so we can go ahead with that next week.’ She began, but Finn seemed distracted when he spoke to her. 

 

‘That’s great, listen I don’t know if I can make our planning meeting on Friday.’ He was speaking quietly, seemingly trying not to be heard. 

 

‘That’s not a problem, we can just sort stuff after school tomorrow or Thursday. Are you ok?’

 

There was a pause before Finn answered. ‘I’m fine. Rose is kind of shaken up.’ Rey waited for him to explain more. ‘Someone’s been coming after Paige. She borrowed money from someone so she could afford to look after Maisie while she was at med school and now they’re sending people after her. I’m going over with Rose on Friday so she’s not alone next time they come over.’  

 

‘That sucks, Finn, I’m sorry. You want my help?’

 

‘Nah you’re good. I’ll give you a ring and let you know if we need you.’ 

 

‘Sounds like a plan. I’ll see you at school tomorrow then?’ 

 

‘Yeah see you there.’ Rey sighed and hung up the phone. When had life become so complicated? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok prepare yourselves for the next two chapters because we are just at the top of this angst-coaster and about to plummet down into some deep stuff. Tags will be updated as necessary. 
> 
> What could be going on with Finn?? Surely he should be living a nice stable life to counterpoint all of Rey's crises? Nah. He's dragged into some nonsense with Rose and Paige. 
> 
> Kudos and comments to get me through writing this rocky bit?
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr!](https://reylo-ology.tumblr.com/) or check out [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) for loads more fantastic fics by talented writers!


	10. Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo comes into school to help Rey with her space topic. His piloting skills are called into question

‘You’re sure you don’t need me to come over with you guys?’ Rey asked Finn again in the small hall at the front of the school. FInn shook his head.

 

‘It’s fine. Rose is picking me up today to take me to Paige’s and then I’ll give you a ring if anything happens.’ He looked out into the rain outside the glass doors. ‘You’re not walking today?’ Rey shrugged.

 

‘I’ll probably get the bus.’ She hefted the bag of marking and other miscellaneous jobs for the weekend over her shoulder and pulled FInn into a quick hug. ‘I’ll speak to you later on then, ok? Even if everything’s fine, let me know.’ Finn nodded and she headed out into the rain. Friday evening was not fun. She headed over to Kylo’s as usual, but he was distracted, locked in some kind of argument with his boss that lead to a constant stream of texts that he would glance at and ignore, and phone calls that he would take out in the hall, returning tense and unable to sit still.

 

Rey spent most of the evening watching a film with the girls, keeping them distracted while Kylo dealt with whatever was going on, and checking her own phone for any message from Finn. Once the girls were in bed she gathered her things and patted Kylo’s back when she passed him in the hallway, waving her goodbye. He glanced at her, fists clenching and unclenching at his side, and nodded his own as he continued to speak to his boss. Rey heard his side of the conversation as she continued down the stairs.

 

‘I understand that, but I have the girls what am I supposed to… No don’t- Of course. No I understand, I will just not tonight I’m- No I know. You don’t need to… I know. Thank you, I’ll make it up to you.’ He sounded equal parts relieved and resigned rather than grateful at the end of the call and Rey grimaced. She was sure his boss, Snoke, whoever that was, was bad news. No time to dwell though, as just as she was leaving his building her phone rang. Finn. She answered it, Kylo’s situation no longer her priority.

 

‘Everything ok?’ She asked urgently, desperate to know what was going on. She was ready to go as soon as Finn asked her, but he seemed a lot more relaxed than she was.

 

‘Yeah, pretty much. We were expecting a guy to come over - there are usually two of them apparently - but today it was just a woman. Don’t get me wrong she was still pretty threatening, but there were three of us and one of her so it was fine. We just kind of stood behind Paige while she argued her case. She has an extension on the loan for another month so that’s good.’ Rey could picture Finn rubbing the back of his neck and ducking his head as he spoke and she smiled.

 

‘Glad it went ok. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do though, ok?’ She heard Finn sigh on the other end.

 

‘It’s fine, Rey. You do too much already, you know that. Do something for yourself this weekend ok? Try not to work too much, we have Kylo coming on Monday and we already sorted the decorations so all you have to sort is maths ok. Everything else can get done during the week.’ She groaned slightly but agreed. She did work too much. But if she wasn’t working what could she do?

 

Saturday was for chores, so she’d get that done but her flat was tiny - it took maybe two hours for her to do a decent clean. Then she’d have the whole weekend to herself. The time stretched out like a desert before her, and she was reminded of how lonely she was. Finn would be busy with Rose, and she didn’t want to interrupt their blossoming relationship. She could ring Poe, but that usually meant hanging out with Hux as well and she didn’t want to deal with him.

 

The problem fixed itself, though, as Kylo rang the following morning panicking about needing to go into work for the day and having noone to care for the girls. Rey quickly agreed, and spent the day entertaining Annie and May - something she enjoyed far more when she didn’t have to have a lesson objective to stick to. The day passed quickly, and she was able to actually get some reading done on Sunday. The book may have been education related, but she figured as long as she read it in the bath with a glass of wine it would count as relaxation. It was a fascinating treatise on giving children ownership of their learning and learning space, and she had to clamber out of the bath by the second chapter so that she could take notes on ideas that she wanted to try.

 

The behaviour management section was the only part she didn’t agree with - there seemed to be an emphasis on ignoring unwanted behaviours that just wasn’t practical with her class right now. It cited a paper by a leading child psychologist though, and she noted the name _Luke Skywalker_ as someone to follow up on later. She finished the book, glancing at the clock - it was later than she expected - and went to put it away when the picture on the back cover caught her eye. That was- no, it couldn’t be. She was making things up, right? But as she read the ‘About the Author’ section she was certain she was right.

 

_Leia Organa has worked in education for more than ten years now and has been responsible for the implementation of several White Papers from the General Teaching Council of Scotland in schools across the country. She has written a number of classic introductory texts to educational theory and is widely regarded as an expert in the field. When she is not writing or researching, she can be found caring for her two little girls, baking (in her words - terribly!) or taking relaxing walks with her husband and their two dogs._

 

The blurb certainly made Leia’s life sound idyllic, but it was typical of these kinds of author descriptions. The comment about the two girls though… it couldn’t be a coincidence that she looked so similar to the woman in the picture at the girls’ house - a little older perhaps, the book had only been published last year. She should go to sleep, but she needed to research further. She typed the name into google and began to read about Leia Organa. She was quickly proven correct - the deeper she dug the fewer education articles and the more gossip rag articles she found.

 

The privileged teenager seduced by her parents’ driver - a man nearly fifteen years older than her no less - who was painted as a stupid kid when she kept the child and married the infamous Han Solo. The tragic survivor of a fire at their family home, reportedly set by her birth father. The strong woman who insisted on continuing her education despite caring for a child without any support from her husband who had since joined the airforce. The celebrated academic whose home-life was in disarray as rumours suggested her kid was already in therapy, and her marriage was on the brink of collapse.

 

Rey found herself drawn into a whirlpool of gossip and melodrama as she read about Kylo’s parents and the chaotic existence he was born into. She stopped herself eventually. It wasn’t helpful or constructive. She had no idea how much of it was even true, _Hello_ magazine was hardly a reputable news source. It was clear that Leia was still a business-savvy, intelligent woman despite all the drama. For the main part her internet presence was professional and respectable. Rey felt dirty for having dug into the sordid side of everything.

 

She couldn’t reveal how much she knew to Kylo, that much was for sure, but now more than ever she wanted to help him. She saw how hard he was trying to make sure that he could be there for the girls and provide for them, stuck in some dead end job that he clearly hated. Though the job was something that puzzled her. That and the tiny flat - from what she had read he should be filthy rich - she thought back to the short obituary she had read in the Times Educational Supplement.

 

_We are deeply saddened to report the loss of a gifted and valued academic in educational circles. Leia Organa lost her life alongside her husband in a tragic accident and is survived by her three children._

 

The article went on to discuss her many contributions to the current pedagogical atmosphere, and to rehash her dramatic life story, painting her as very much the hero. She certainly seemed admirable, Rey thought, making a note to look out more of her work before pulling out her phone. She had a few texts from Finn with links to pinterest pages. So much for not working over the weekend, she thought half smiling as she looked over the various space themed art projects he wanted to do. _As long as you’re leading the painting ones in your classroom._ She responded, before sending off a quick message to Kylo.

 

 _Everything still ok for tomorrow? Finn emailed the script right?_ She clambered into bed.

 

 _Yeah I got it. It’s funny._ The placement of the fullstop made the message seem curt, and imagaining Kylo’s deadpan expression while typing ‘it’s funny,’ made her chuckle to herself.

 

 _Glad you like it. I expect an oscar worthy performance._ She typed back, but backed it out. She knew he teased her in person, and she’d give as good as she got, if not worse, but was this flirting? When they were just talking it came naturally. Texting in the middle of the night felt a lot more intimate somehow. She replaced the comment with _Glad you like it. I’ll see you tomorrow,_ cutting off the conversation and rolling over.

 

The morning passed quickly with her usual routine. New reading books - _It’s Not Fair -_ for the girls’ reading group, which felt strangely appropriate. Nothing about their situation seemed at all fair. She had had an email saying that Amalyn had finally managed to get hold of their social worker and arrange a meeting which was good. As the school’s ‘named person’ Amalyn would meet with them without Rey initially, then pass on any relevant information or arrange a follow up meeting if necessary. It was a weight off Rey’s mind at least. She was happy somebody else was taking her concerns seriously and helping Kylo with the twins. At lunchtime she and Finn ate quickly with one hand whilst arranging Rey’s classroom to look like their vision for the topic starter - the blinds were closed and there were cardboard stars stuck to them that glowed when the lights were switched off, and Finn had edited a video together to look like a rocket taking off.

 

He revealed his piece de resistance while they waited in the reception area for Kylo to arrive - a voice distorter that would make Kylo sound like he was speaking through some sort of radio system. In reality Rey had vaguely tidied the cupboard and place a chair in there for him to sit on. She’d already told him he’d have to shout to be heard, and she hoped the distorter didn’t make him too difficult to understand. Still the looks of wonder on the kids’ faces as they enterred the room was priceless. She and Finn directed them to their seats, in character as a strange amalgam of flight attendants and astronauts, and Rey began her spiel. She kept an eye on Annie and May - she knew that had issues with transport, and worried that the engine sounds she had recorded might be a little much for them. Still, they should recognise their brother’s voice and feel more at ease.

 

‘And it is my pleasure to introduce, speaking from the ship’s controls, your captain!’

 

At the agreed prompt, Kylo began speaking from the cupboard, voice recognisable but odd through the distorter. ‘Welcome aboard the Supremacy, the greatest ship in the galaxy, designed by skilled engineers and flown by the greatest pilot ever known, if I do say so myself,’ Rey smirked at the dry tone which would be lost on the children who just giggled at the arrogance of the statement, ‘Today we begin our mission; to explore the far reaches of the galaxy. Sit back, relax and look out of the window at the front for some amazing views.’ Rey gestured to the Interactive whiteboard, which Finn was controlling from the laptop on her desk. ‘Preparing for take off in 10…’

 

Rey watched the amazed faces of the two classes, totally immersed in this fantasy,

 

‘9…’ She caught May’s eye and smiled. The girl still looked nervous.

 

‘8…’ Finn shot her a significant look and she started to join in with the countdown, showing the numbers on her fingers

 

‘7…’

 

‘6…’ May and Annie were holding hands, she noted. Hopefully their bond would make this a fun experience, rather than a traumatic one.

 

‘5… 4...3,’ the speed increased as they got closer to zero until

 

‘2, 1 Blast off!’ the whole class shouted and Finn began the tape.

 

Annie screamed.

 

Rey rushed to her side, calling ‘everything's ok, captain, keep on with the mission as planned,’ through the cupboard door to Kylo as she did so.  She knelt by the chair and saw that May was frozen in her seat. ‘Hey, it’s alright girls. It’s all just pretend.’ May shook her head.

‘He’s not a good pilot.’ She muttered, hugging her sister. Rey frowned and glanced over to Finn.

 

‘I’m going to take these crew members to get some water ok, Mr Johnson?’ Finn nodded and Rey held out her hands to the girls. Annie was still crying when they got into Finn’s room and Rey grabbed each of them a cup of water. ‘It’s all just pretend. It’s just Kylo pretending to fly the ship, we’re still at school.’ She explained, sitting in one of the tiny chairs beside the girls. Annie leant against her, but May stood up and went over to the library where she grabbed a cushion and hugged it to her chest.

 

‘He shouldn’t drive.’ She asserted, and Rey felt her stomach turn.

 

‘Oh?’ she asked, keeping her response brief and open, careful not to put her own prejudices and predictions into what the girls wanted to tell her. Annie cleared her throat then, speaking between sobs.

 

‘He… he was… driving when… they were shouting and then... ‘

 

‘It was his fault!’ May shouted, throwing the cushion. ‘He was driving because he said he could and then he killed them!’ Rey stood and pushed the door to the classroom closed before walking across to where May stood.

 

‘Your parents?’ she asked, unable to stop herself from asking the leading question. Then Annie was running across and trying to hit May. Rey stepped in between them.

 

‘It’s not his fault!’ Annie shouted from behind Rey’s legs. She slumped down, losing energy quickly as she dissolved into tears again ‘It was noone’s fault. Everyone was cross and then they were shouting and then… then…’ both girls burst into tears, and Rey fought not to join them. She sat on the floor between them and let them cling to her.

 

‘It’s ok,’ she murmured to them, ‘it’s ok to be sad and angry when bad things happen, that’s normal, you don’t have to be happy all the time ok,’ she said, ignoring her own tendency to pretend everything was fine when it so clearly wasn’t. In the other room she heard chairs moving and assumed Finn was getting the room back to normal so he could continue the lesson with his class. She had to go and get her class back and get on with the day, but she felt so weighed down by the girls’ crisis and the revelation. Kylo had been driving the car when the accident happened. She needed to talk to him but… she didn’t know how. She sighed and squeezed the girls’ shoulders. ‘Ok kids, do you want to have some quiet time in the library? Or you could go and play some games with Ms Kanata until you feel better?’ Annie nodded at the second suggestion, and Rey stood up. Back to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. Ok this chapter was stressful to write and even more stressful to edit. Please let me know as we go on if there are any triggers I haven't tagged, I'm trying to update them as we go but I don't want to miss anything. 
> 
> As usual come check me out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology)
> 
> Or take a look at our awesome writers discord server/tumblr [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who has left comments and kudos so far - keep 'em coming!!


	11. Hometime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has to face Kylo after recent revelations. The girls are having a rough day.

Rey could barely look at Kylo when he put his head round the door to say goodbye and check the girls were ok when he didn’t see them in the room. ‘They’re mostly fine, I’ll explain afterschool ok.’ she called, turning to fiddle with papers on her desk as she did. It wasn’t that she blamed him, or had any right to. She had no idea what had happened; for all she knew the accident could have been the fault of the other driver. It was just ...too raw. She wasn’t ready to bring up the situation when she knew she would see his heart break. She could picture it now - those deep, knowing eyes shining with tears that he would stubbornly ignore as he tried to seem in control of the situation - of his life. She couldn’t deal with that while she was responsible for her class. She would invite him in after school and they could talk then. The girls would be happy enough waiting at reception where there were a few books and toys for children whose parents were late for pick up.

 

Still she had an hour and a half before she had to worry about that, for now she needed to focus on what the children thought they already knew about space - mostly nonsense from films and television - and what they wanted to learn about - again mostly nonsense from films and television. She was fairly certain she would not be able to explain ‘why does the TARDIS go in time and space?’ in a way that would fit any of the learning objectives, but it was a start. Still it seemed like just a second had passed before Maz was back, a smiling little girl on each arm, helping the rest of the class into their bags and coats. She took a breath, steeling herself for the conversation ahead before squatting down to the girls’ eye level.

 

‘How was playing with Ms. Kanata?’ she asked, opening communication gently and positively. When Annie spoke it was quiet still, but she was smiling still.

 

‘It was fun. She read us stories.’ Rey smiled at the girl and mouthed _Thank you!_ To the older woman who winked and continued getting the other kids lined up. Maz could always be relied on to take charge when necessary (and sometimes when not so necessary. The woman like to be in charge.). Rey’s face turned a little more serious.

 

‘I’m going to have a talk with Kylo about what happened this afternoon, ok? You can say hi if you want, but then I’d like you to go along to the office and wait there.’ She gave them a limited choice to make sure they still felt in control of what was likely a very difficult situation for them. She wasn’t certain which direction they would lean - on one hand they might want the comfort of their guardian, but at the same time there was clearly a lot of confusion and resentment they needed to work through.

 

‘I don’t want to see him.’ May muttered, but Annie frowned at her.

 

‘It’s not his fault,’ she pouted, bottom lip quivering. ‘He’s sad too. I want a hug.’ Her last sentence was barely audible as she collapsed into tears again. Rey was tempted to sweep her into her arms right then and there, but she knew it wasn’t appropriate. Instead she stood and walked over to stand next to the pale little girl who looked so much like her brother it was uncanny and let the child lean against her leg. She reached down and squeezed her gently before turning to talk to Maz again. ‘Ms Kanata, could you take May to the office, she’d like to get a head start on learning her spellings,’ she stuck her tongue out at the glaring child on the other side of the table who was fussing with her reading bag. Both girls smiled at that, which Rey counted as a minor victory. She needed that right now.

 

Maz nodded and bustled the child off, while Annie still clung to Rey’s leg. She gently detached the child and clapped rhythmically, waiting for the class to clap back. She injected a healthy dose of false fun and positivity into her tone and expression before calling out ‘Right, you horrible little lot, I’ve had quite enough of you for the day I’m kicking you out! I need a quiet line in 3, 2, 1…’

 

She got a line. Quiet would not be the word she immediately chose to describe it - she had been met with a chorus of ‘You love us Ms Niima!,’ and ‘It’s our classroom too you can’t make us go!’. She did a quick wander around the tables to collect all the things left behind - three unnamed jumpers that apparently belonged to no one and had appeared from nowhere, and two identical water bottles that disgustingly enough were recognisable by the bite marks round the lids.

 

Once the jumpers had been rehomed to her lost property box and the water bottles returned they were a few minutes late so she went to the front of the line and opened the door, watching the children stream out to their parents. Annie hung back with her, and scanning the playground she didn’t spot Kylo anywhere. She groaned inwardly but nonetheless smiled cheerily at Annie. ‘He might be a bit tired after all his hard work flying our spaceship,’ she told the girl. ‘We’ll go wait with May at the office.’ Annie took her hand and they headed inside, walking to the door opposite to go down the long corridor to the office.

 

Rounding the corner, however, Rey spotted a familiar figure striding down the corridor. Annie detached herself from Rey and hurtled off, ignoring Rey’s halfhearted ‘don’t run in the corridor’ and clinging to Kylo’s leg. He bent and pulled Annie into a hug, lifting her and continuing towards Rey’s classroom. By the time they got there Annie was crying into his chest. He shot Rey a questioning look, but turned his attention quickly back to his sister.

 

‘What’s wrong lil’ starfighter?’ He asked gruffly, trying to peel the child off him to look at her. She refused though, face still buried in his soft grey t-shirt. He sat on the ground beside the interactive whiteboard and stroked the girl’s hair. ‘S’ok kid, you’ll be ok,’ he murmured as she began to calm down. Rey felt like she was intruding and made herself busy at her desk. After a few minutes had passed and Annie was sitting on Kylo’s knee rather than burrowed into the man’s frankly ridiculous arms she spoke from her desk, making sure Kylo was still obviously in charge when it came to his ward. ‘Do you think Annie might like to go along and play with May at the office so we can talk?’ she asked lightly. Kylo looked up as if shocked to see someone else in the room.

 

‘Uh, yeah. Sure I’ll take her down.’ He sighed and stood up again, offering his hand. Rey smiled, tight lipped, and nodded. When Kylo returned without Annie he found her expression far more serious. In turn, his face was like thunder. ‘What the fuck happened?’ he demanded. ‘May wouldn’t even fucking look at me, what did you tell them?’

 

‘Firstly,’ Rey rounded on him, stepping into his personal space and glaring up at him, ‘How dare you suggest that I would try to destroy your relationship with the girls! I have done nothing but try to help you. I put my _career_ on the line for you.’ She hissed, suddenly aware that the door was open. She glanced at it and Kylo rolled his eyes, turning quickly and stalking over to slam it closed.

 

‘May hates me, and I haven’t seen Annie that upset since…’ he looked at the floor, fists and jaw clenching, ‘It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I left them in _your_ care and you let them get hurt. It’s not good enough. I’ll be calling the head to discuss this later.’ He went to open the door and storm out, but Rey got in there before him.

 

‘They were already hurt, Kylo!’ She yelled at him, pushing him back from where he towered over her. ‘Kids don’t just forget things, they remember and they push them down until something reminds them and they snap.’

 

‘Well you shouldn’t have reminded them!’ he roared, and fired up as she was Rey hoped that Finn was not in the opposite classroom. Hearing this he would call Amalyn and this would become much bigger than it needed to be. She cleared her throat. She needed to be in control of this situation.

 

‘Look, Kylo, it wasn’t anybodies fau…’ she started, but he interrupted her, looking around the room like a madman.

 

‘I see what was happening!’ He pointed accusingly  ‘You don’t think I’m capable of caring for them! You want to take them away, you’re just so desperate to have some kind of family you-’

 

That was the last straw.

 

‘Tell me, _Ben_ ,’ she said coldly, spitting his real name as venomously as she could ‘Why do you think the concept of you in charge of a vehicle might upset them?’

 

With that she turned, heading back to her desk. ‘I will discuss this when you are ready for a professional, calm discussion.’ She heard something crash against the table across the room from where she had been standing and it took all her will power not to turn around. For a minute there was a tense stillness in the room and she was almost scared to breath and draw Kylo’s attention. She felt like she was in a cage with a wild animal. One wrong move and…

 

The tension broke as she heard Kylo’s footsteps, the scrape of a chair and a weary sigh. When she turned in her desk chair she saw him sitting at a table by the window with his back to her, head in his hands. His choice of seat was strangely apposite -  it was a table she often sent children to when they needed some space to calm down, or to concentrate. She approached slowly, still cautious. ‘Kylo, I’m sorry.’ She began. While his behaviour had been totally unacceptable, hers had been too. She had wounded him deliberately, and she had to take responsibility for it. ‘That was totally unprofessional, I-’

 

‘That’s all?’ He turned to look at her and she winced at his expression. ‘Unprofessional?’

 

She took a deep breath, trying not to let him rile her up again. This was an avoidance tactic, she had seen that enough in kids she dealt with. ‘Unprofessional and unkind. Not something a friend should say,’ she found herself slipping into teacher talk and quickly cleared her throat, bringing her head back from that space. ‘Are we just going to ignore what you said then?’ She asked, still bitter. _You’re just so desperate to have some kind of family._ His words still rung in her ears. He wasn’t wrong. She was desperate, was that all this was?

 

Kylo watched Rey as she fell quiet and frowned. _Fuck. FUCK._ He had done it again. He had finally made a positive step, found something good and as usual he had fucked it up. No wonder everyone he had ever felt close to had just tried to get rid of him. He didn’t know what to say to make it better, he never did. The constant ache in his chest was a clawing dragging pain that he couldn’t ignore and he couldn’t breath all of a sudden. _You should have done it properly._ A voice murmured and he screwed his eyes shut. _Should have just finished yourself off years ago, then none of this would be-_ Stop it. That’s over, you _can’t_ leave them. Not now. Pull yourself together.  You are in a classroom at the girls’ school. Now is not the time. He heard Rey speak again, concerned this time, and when he returned to the room he felt tears wet on his cheeks.

 

‘Kylo are you-’

 

He took a shaky breath. No was the answer he should give. I’m not ok. I don’t know if I’ve ever been ok and now I’m so out of my depth I could drown any second. ‘I’m fine. Sorry. It’s..’ he trailed off and Rey frowned. ‘I shouldn’t have said that stuff to you. It wasn’t true and it wasn’t fair.’ She waved her hand.

 

‘I’ll get over it.’ A pause. He watched her wrestle with a thought before she spoke again, cautiously,  ‘Are you in therapy or anything? It seems like there are some things you could use help with.’ He closed up again. Therapy was not an option. He had done that and it hadn’t helped. ‘I had therapy, it didn’t do much.’ He answered sullenly. Rey nodded.

 

‘I never really got much from it.’ she allowed, going to sit down beside him. ‘We need to talk to the girls and sort this out though. I think you need to be open with them about what happened.’

 

‘I don’t… I can’t remember.’ Kylo said quietly, looking at his hands. ‘They remember more than me. I was unconscious for a while I don’t-’ He groaned. He remembered Han talking to him, suggesting yet another rehab, telling him he would pay for it and that he and Leia would support him through everything - breaking the promise that this Christmas they would just be about family and they woudn’t demand anything - and he had been angry, distracted and then… Then he had woken up in hospital. He had no idea how he had crashed. He knew the other vehicle had been destroyed, but the driver had got out ok. He knew the car had hit one side of their car and that he and his sisters had come out mostly unharmed. He knew that his parents had not.

 

‘I’ll talk to them.’ He said eventually. ‘We should go home.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Well this chapter got intense. I promise just a couple more angst chapters then we get some nice things again albeit briefly. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> As usual I have updated tags, but if I've missed anything at all please let me know either on here on on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology).
> 
> Aaaand much thanks to the lovely ladies and gents of [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) for supporting me and making me actually write.
> 
> Comments and kudos stop me second guessing myself quite so much <3 Thanks to everyone who has left them so far!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We pick up right where we left off. Kylo tries to get the girls home, and finally has a conversation with them he should have had a long time ago.

Kylo stood and walked out of the room before Rey could stop him, ignoring her protestations. The long corridor felt strangely oppressive and empty as he made his way back towards the reception area. He’d been so stupid. Of course they weren’t ok. Of course they weren’t going to just get better without any help. He wasn’t really ok, and he had had so much longer to deal with his own trauma - the only reason he was even vaguely in control of himself was for the sake of Annie and May.

 

They needed someone better than him. He stopped before turning the corner that would lead him to where the girls sat, leaning against the scuffed pale blue wall opposite the closed off metal hatch of the dining hall and covered his eyes with his hand. What was he going to say? How could he even begin to make this ok?

 

Perhaps he should go to Snoke, tell him he had been right all along, he wasn’t capable of this. He was too immature, too broken, too fucking _stupid_ to do this. The girls deserved so much more. They needed so much more than he could ever give them, but… He couldn’t let them go to Luke. He knew exactly how Luke would approach a traumatised child and he wouldn’t do that to the girls. He wouldn’t let him break up yet another family.

 

That was the root of it, he supposed. They were family. He had already lost his family, over and over until he had finally fucked up so badly they couldn’t bring him home and make it all ok. He wouldn’t lose the girls. If he told Snoke he couldn’t look after them there’d be no visitation. His boss had made it clear that this was his last chance. If he fucked up again that was it, it was over. He was done.

 

A man in overalls approached from the corridor that stretched past the school’s entrance and up towards the older classes. He frowned at Kylo, eyeing him suspiciously as the man sighed and unleaned. ‘Sorry.’ He muttered. ‘I was meeting with Ms. Niima, I’ll go.’ The man grunted and continued past, looking back to make sure Kylo moved on. He screwed his eyes shut one more time, clenching his jaw to force himself to stay calm as he took the first step towards his sisters. He would ask them. They deserved to make this decision themselves; he wouldn’t just send them away without getting their opinion.

 

Annie smiled tentatively as he approached the comfy seats where they sat and he forced himself to smile back, walking round to sit beside May and opposite Annie. May turned around, still refusing to look at him. He took a breath and stood again, kneeling on the floor in front of May’s chair. She turned again and he closed his eyes for a moment, pushing the rejection down and away. He could deal with that later, at work or the gym if he managed to get there this week.

 

‘I know you’re mad, May. I want to talk about this but we need to go home to talk. If…’ He swallowed and glance back at Annie. ‘If you’re still mad, if you don’t want to stay we can talk about that too,’ he told her quickly, hoping against hope that Annie didn’t misunderstand. The child had come to sit with her sister, taking May’s hand even while she sat backwards in the chair ignoring her brother’s attempts to communicate.

 

‘We gotta go home sometime, May.’ Annie muttered, but she didn’t respond. Kylo sighed.

 

‘I’m not leaving,’ he said quietly, waiting for some response. They sat in silence for a minute before laughter broke the silence, ricocheting down the corridor. A voice rang out.

 

‘Anyway, Armitage nearly had a stroke, it was perfect! You want anything, tea, coffee, vodk-’ The short, dark haired man stopped shouting as he saw the scene unfolding in the reception area on the way to the staffroom. ‘Hey, it’s May and Annie right? You just joined us a couple months ago?’ He had the same forced joviality that Rey sometimes had when she approached the children. It was so… false. He hated it. Still, May seemed to respond. ‘Hi ‘ster Dameron.’ she muttered. Kylo looked up, watching the conversation. This was Poe Dameron then. He had heard of Poe Dameron - Rey had mentioned him in stories once or twice, always over the top, showing off in the staffroom.

 

He didn’t like the man but for now he just wanted to get the girls out of the building. He stayed quiet. Poe took a step back and looked dramatically at his watch before leaning down to stage whisper to May. ‘Do you know it’s nearly four o’clock? You need to go home or you’ll get locked in! It’s nearly bedtime for us teachers.’ He winked at Kylo who sneered back. He wasn’t in the mood to be condescended to by some stranger, especially not one who was witnessing him failing to do the one thing he was desperate to be able to do.  Poe frowned at him, but turned his attention back to May when she spoke.

 

‘I don’t want to go home with him.’ She said stubbornly, and Kylo gritted his teeth, all of his willpower focussed on not just scooping the girl up in his arms and taking her and Annie home. Poe straightened and cleared his throat, looking Kylo up and down.

 

‘May please. I said we’d talk about this when we..’ he started, but Mr. Dameron interrupted.

 

‘Hang on there, buddy.’ the teacher said, arms folded as he stood over the kneeling man, the two girls between them on those awful scratchy blue chairs. ‘I’d like to have a quick word with May here, ok? We’re not in the business of sending kids home without checking in these kinds of situation.’ He shrugged one shoulder, keeping his tone light but formal.

 

Kylo stood clearing his throat. ‘We’re going. I suggest you speak to Ms. Niima before making baseless accusations.’ He held out his hand for Annie and started walking, praying to anything that might be listening that May would follow. They had missed the bus he wanted to catch, he needed to check the timetable, but he couldn’t pull out his phone right now. He kept walking until he was through the door, hearing it close behind him before Annie spoke.

 

‘May’s not coming?’ She asked, eyes wide as she looked up at him. ‘Is she staying at school?’ Kylo looked back and saw May and the other teacher sitting together on the chairs in reception. He saw Rey approach, stress written on her brow and speak to the man. He gestured to Kylo who still stood outside. Rey ran a hand through her hair. She bent to speak to May before saying something quickly to the man and walking towards him.

 

‘What are you doing, Kylo?’ She asked, more tired than anything else. ‘You can’t just leave a child here.’

 

Kylo shifted uncomfortably. ‘I thought she’d follow.’ He glanced down at May. ‘Please just come home?’

 

May looked up at Rey who rubbed her neck and looked back to Kylo. ‘She’ll come home if I come with her,’ she clocked the man’s expression and pressed her lips together. ‘Poe thinks I’m insane, maybe he’s right,’ her jaw jutted forward, ‘but I trust that you’re trying your best. It’s not like we haven’t done this before.’

 

‘Right.’ Rey had stepped further into his space and she was so… Her perfume was intoxicating and he almost forgot himself and bent to kiss her. She was so beautiful, full of righteous anger with an edge of uncertainty that made her seem somehow lost but completely in control. This complicated things too much. He needed to get the girls home and get May to talk to him, Rey was not his priority and yet… _Stop it. No. You have to protect them that’s what you do now. That’s what your life is for, you don’t get what you want, you don’t deserve that. She deserves better anyway._ He cleared his throat. ‘We should go if we’re going to get the next bus,’ he muttered.

 

Rey stepped back and fumbled in her pocket for a second, transferring her bags to her other arm. _You should have offered to take them,_ a nagging voice in the back of Kylo’s head spoke up. Too late now. She pulled out a set of keys and held them up, triumphant. ‘Found them! If the girls are ok, I can drive.’ She looked at Annie who nodded determinedly, then down to May.

 

‘He can’t come.’ She insisted, but Rey shook her head.

 

‘May, no. I know you’re upset, but you need to calm down and talk to your brother, ok. He’s trying to help.’ Her voice was firm and though May squirmed to avoid eye contact she seemed to concede. Kylo wound up sitting in the back seat of the car beside Annie while May rode in the front, Annie’s hand holding his tightly when the engine started. He felt his own stomach turn, which was stupid. He had driven since the accident, he was a _good_ driver, most of the time. When Han wasn’t beside him telling him how to drive manual when he had learned to drive in that damned car anyway. When Leia wasn’t badgering him about rehab _again._

 

He shoved his free hand into his pocket and fingered the chip he kept there. Green. Three months. He hadn’t been in a car with his sisters since then. That was the problem. He had to keep them safe; when he had woken up in the hospital that was the first thought on his mind. He _had_ to make sure they were ok, they were looked after. But they were fine here, with Rey. She was better for them than he ever was, hell she was better for him than anyone else had been. He closed his eyes, gripping Annie’s hand. ‘It’s ok, kid. We can trust Ms. Niima. She’s got this.’ He caught Rey’s eye in the mirror and she shot him a tired smile.

 

It was a quick journey, only twenty minutes rather than the usual stressful forty-five changing buses and looking for seats where the girls could sit together with Kylo behind them. He held the door for Rey and the girls before entering the flat himself. It was clean enough right now; he had expected Rey to be coming over and actually put in some effort making sure the flat was presentable in the morning. He had folded his bedding and put it back in the cupboard - the living room looked like a living room again - and he had cleaned the surfaces. The slow cooker was on too and the flat smelled faintly of garlic and tomato. All set up for an evening he had planned which was now impossible.

 

Once again he had proved himself an incompetent guardian, no matter how hard he tried his past would always get in his way. Rey was helping the girls put their things away, pulling out permission slips for Kylo to sign and leaving them on the coffee table. He moved through to the kitchen and boiled the kettle, pouring pasta into a pan. Not spaghetti - he had learned that the hard way when the girls first came to live with him - shells were fine. When he turned back, Rey was behind him, looking up into his eyes with that piercing gaze that made his stomach flutter. He swallowed and she looked pointedly over at May who sat quietly with her sister pouring over the picture of their parents that she must have brought through from his old room. He glanced at the pan on the stove, but Rey shook her head. ‘I’ll do that. Talk to them.’ He nodded and squeezed round her, and going to sit beside his sister. Annie leant against him, but on the other side of her May glared at him.

 

‘You didn’t even like them,’ she accused, but the fire was gone from her voice now. Kylo sighed, the corner of his mouth twitching down.

 

‘Not always no,’ he said quietly. ‘That doesn’t mean I don’t miss them too. It doesn’t mean i don’t like you,’ he told her, lost in this conversation. He wanted to tell his sisters that they didn’t understand - they couldn’t understand. His parents had changed a lot between raising him and raising them. They had grown up a lot in that time. They had obviously done a good job with the girls, his sisters never ceased to amaze him with their maturity and the sense of humour that all three of them had inherited from their father, with the hints of sarcasm from their mother. He marvelled that that had stayed consistent despite the huge disparity between their experiences. He was amazed by their confidence and their compassion, things he never recognised in himself. It was paramount that he didn’t take any of that away. He bit the inside of his bottom lip, thinking, waiting for May to respond.

 

‘I don’t like you.’ She said eventually, and Kylo took a deep breath. Stay calm. She’s six, she’s trying to annoy you.

 

‘That makes sense.’ He said eventually. Annie clambered onto his lap, resting her forehead against his shoulder.

 

‘I like you,’ she piped up, and Kylo put his arm around her, fingers spanning her small back.

 

‘May, I’m..’ his lip quivered, but he continued. ‘I’m sorry. I still… I wish I could go back and… but I can’t. We have to just move on, move forward. I don’t know what else we can do,’ the words came slowly at first but once he was speaking he couldn’t stop. Tears fell unchecked from his eyes, gathering in the scar he still carried from that day. ‘I’m trying to do better, May but I know it’s still crap.’ He stopped, taking a shaky breath. ‘If you’d rather live with someone else. People who know how to do this you can. I can sort that out if it’s what you want.’ His voice was hoarse by the end of it, and May shuffled a little closer.

 

‘Will you come?’ She asked, big brown eyes looking up at him.

 

‘I- what?’

 

‘If we go to live with real grown ups,’ she reiterated. ‘Will you come?’  

 

Kylo didn’t know if the sound he had made was a sob or a laugh, but the swell of relief in his chest had elicited some physical reaction beyond his control. She didn’t hate him. She didn’t want to leave him. That was something. ‘No, May. I’d still live here. I’d see you, but you’d live with other people. Is that what you want?’

 

‘I want to go home,’ she leant against him now, and he moved his arm to let her snuggle against him. Her voice was so tiny and lost. ‘I want to live with _my_ mummy and daddy but I can’t.’ Kylo bit his lip. How could he respond to that? He knew that, of course he did. Something deep inside him resonated with the thought. It wasn’t a far cry from what he wanted. It wasn’t possible though. He stroked the girl’s back gently.

 

‘I know,’

 

‘But I’ll stay here,’ May said eventually. ‘This is my family.’

 

‘Family sticks together.’ Annie said from where she sat on his knee and Kylo nodded slowly. He had heard his mother say that to them when they asked about why Kylo was visiting.

 

_‘Family sticks together. If you ever make a mistake and want to come home we’ll be there. That’s what Ben’s doing,’_

 

Except they hadn’t made it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People have mentioned the words pain train in the comments which I think is apt for this story. Please do continue to check the tags. 
> 
> I'm off on holiday (Dubrovnik, we're staying in Old Town where they filmed Canto Bight so I'm a fancy galactic weapons dealer these days) which is very exciting, but means this will be the last update for the next week or so. After that I'm back at work so we should have a pretty regular once or twice a week update schedule depending on my workload.
> 
> Exciting times!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who has commented and left kudos you guys keep me going!
> 
>  
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr!](https://reylo-ology.tumblr.com/) or check out [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) for loads more fantastic fics by talented writers!


	13. OK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo have an actually constructive conversation for once!!

‘Food’s ready!’ Rey called from the half walled-off kitchen pulling plates out of a cupboard. Kylo went over and re-opened the cupboard, switching two of the plain white plates for one with Moana on it and another with various members of paw patrol. Annie spotted Rey smiling at the plates and called from the table. ‘I don’t like Paw Patrol, it’s for babies. I used to like it.’

 

Kylo smiled weakly. ‘I took them from their house. They only eat from these.’ He muttered to Rey. Rey nodded and served the food while Kylo filled a couple of glasses with juice and brought them to the table. He turned back and grabbed a jug of water and a couple more glasses for himself and Rey which he placed opposite the girls. Rey took the girls their food and sat down as kylo brought over the plate she had served for the two adults. 

 

‘You know I happen to like both Paw Patrol  _ and  _ Moana,’ she told the girls who grinned shyly at her. 

 

‘Yeah, but you like maths, Ms. Niima,’ Annie accused cheerfully and Kylo snorted beside her. She shot him a dangerous look before continuing to engage with the children in front of her, having some kind of false argument about the merits of maths. He stayed quiet, letting the conversation go on around him. 

 

May wanted to stay. Annie would ultimately just agree with whatever May decided, she was usually the less stubborn of the two, so that meant they would stay. He wasn’t going to lose them. An elbow in his ribs distracted him from his reverie and he turned to look at Rey. Her plate was empty, as was the girls. He looked down at his own still mostly full plate and grimaced. 

 

‘I’m not really hungry right now,’ he muttered, ‘I usually eat once the girls are in bed.’ Rey shrugged.

 

‘It’ll be cold by then. Eat something, you’ve had a rough afternoon.’ She watched as Kylo stabbed a piece of pasta with his fork and reluctantly put it in his mouth. She would stay tonight, she had already decided. Poe could call her actions naive and inappropriate all he wanted, this family needed her. 

 

Annie hopped down from the table, grabbing her plate and Rey’s while May took her own plate and stacked the glasses. ‘You have them well trained,’ she murmured to Kylo as the girls began putting crockery in the dishwasher, May on her tiptoes rinsing off the plates before she did. He glanced up from his food and grunted, swallowing before speaking. 

 

‘Not my training,’ he said, taking another mouthful and chewing morosely. Rey patted his shoulder and stood to help the girls out. 

 

‘Do they need a bath or anything?’ Kylo nodded and she made her way through to the bathroom, turning on the taps. ‘Right girls, when you’re ready. Let’s get you cleaned up then I think an early night.’ May was the first to arrive, tugging off her uniform and dumping it on the bathroom floor. Rey looked around for a laundry hamper but saw none. She gathered the clothes up and folded them instead, putting them on the closed toilet seat for now. 

 

‘Socks,’ she reminded May who was about to climb into the bath she had drawn. ‘Don’t want them to get all soggy,’ she smiled at the still slightly fragile child. May nodded and took them off before clambering into the tub and hugging her knees to her chest. Rey knelt beside it and handed her a cloth. ‘I think you need to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning,’ she hazarded but the child shook her head.

 

‘I always miss them,’ she said quietly. ‘I don’t think it’s Ben’s fault, not really,’ she admitted, ‘ I’m just sad all the time and I don’t know how to make it go away,’ Annie had come quietly into the room and stood next to Rey. May was crying softly, tears splashing down into the water, making small holes through the foam that surrounded May. She looked so tiny. Beside her Annie was standing stock still. Rey took a long deep breath before speaking. 

 

‘This is our secret, ok? I’m going to tell you a bit about where I grew up but it’s not happy. It’s not something everyone needs to know.’ She made eye contact with each of the girls in turn, waiting for them to agree to her terms. ‘I grew up with my Mum and Dad until I was 4, younger than you. They were not good at looking after me, I didn’t know that then but I do now. They…’ she swallowed. Her tears wouldn’t help at the moment. 

 

‘They left me, at a d- with a man who wasn’t very nice, so that they could have fun without me,’ she censored the story as she went, ‘He was mean and he hurt me, and I was very very sad for a long time. I always missed my Mum and Dad even though they were not nice either,’ 

 

‘My Mummy was nice,’ Annie interrupted, ‘and my Daddy.’ 

 

‘And Be- Kylo doesn’t hurt us.’ May said before she could respond to Annie.

 

‘No. No he’s trying very hard to look after you well and he’s learning how to do that a bit better.’ She allowed before continuing her story. 

 

‘I was telling you about my life because it was very sad. It made me feel very sad all the time for a very long time. But when I got older I didn’t think about it as much. I escaped from the man who was not nice to me, and I found somewhere to live. I worked hard at school and I got a job I like, I made some good friends and I don’t feel sad all the time anymore. I still feel sad sometimes, but most days I’m happy,’ 

 

She was painting her life in a simplistic light, but she wanted to help the girls. Truthfully she didn’t know how long it would take to mourn someone she truly loved. She had never lost anyone she truly loved. It seemed to work though because May stood up and hugged her, soaking her shirt as she did Rey squeezed her back nonetheless. ‘It’ll get better, I promise.’ she told May, pulling Annie in beside her with one arm so the three of them were all holding each other. 

 

After a minute of silence she helped Annie out of the bath and into a towel, sending her out to find her pajamas while Rey supervised Annie bathing. When Annie was out and similarly wrapped in a towel she grabbed their uniforms and headed out. Her shirt was still soaked, clinging to her skin. She wished she had worn a light coloured bra rather than the navy one she had one, but how could she have predicted this? She saw Kylo glance at her torso as she came back into the kitchen/living area before looking at the floor, cheeks flushed. 

 

‘I could, uh- I could grab you a T-shirt, if you want.’ Rey smirked at his awkward stature, too amused to be self conscious anymore.

 

‘Oh? Why would I need a T-shirt?’ She feigned ignorance, making and maintaining eye contact. Kylo kept his eyes fixed firmly on her face.

 

‘Your shirt, you-’ His brow furrowed and he put his head on one side. ‘You’re mocking me.’ 

 

‘A little.’ Rey admitted. ‘I’d appreciate a shirt if you have one.’

 

He nodded and headed into the bedroom where the girls were putting on their pajamas, emerging a few moments later with a red and black checked shirt that he handed her. She looked at it quizzically. ‘Is this yours?’ 

 

Kylo frowned. ‘Yes.’

 

‘It has colour on it.’ She said, turning her back and shrugging off her own soaked top, pulling his enormous one on instead.

 

‘I do own things with colour on,’ he objected. Not many, but he did. Rey turned back around, hands lost in the shirts sleeves. She flapped them at him and he walked over, turning up one side and buttoning it to reveal her hand. She offered the other one but he shook his head. 

 

‘Your hand’s free, you can do it.’ He narrowed his eyes, ‘What’s that thing the girls are always on about. Growth mindset. I believe in you.’ 

 

His flat tone suggested otherwise, but Rey persevered, glowering at him as he went back into the girls’ room.  She followed him a few moments later and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, a book open in his hands. 

 

‘Alas,’ said Aslan shaking his head’ he read, sitting on the edge of the bed the girls shared,  ‘"It will. Things always work according to their nature. She has won her heart's desire; she has unwearying strength and endless days like a goddess. But length of days with an evil heart is only length of misery and already she begins to know it. All get what they want; they do not always like it.”

 

Rey leant in the doorway, listening as he continued to read. She found her eyes getting heavy. This was the magic of a bedtime story then - magic she had never experienced until now. Kylo stopped reading and slipped a bookmark into the battered old copy of  _ The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe,  _ closing the volume quietly and gently moving a lock of May’s hair where it had been covering her now closed eyes. 

 

He looked at Rey as if only just noticing her presence and gestured for her to leave. He pulled the duvet up over his sisters, tucking it around their small forms, before he followed her out of the room. 

 

‘Was that true?’ He asked and Rey furrowed her brow. 

 

_ ‘ _ Narnia? I don’t think so. I suppose if you accept the multi-verse theory then -’

 

‘Rey. I’m not talking about the works of C.S. Lewis. What you told the girls, was that true?’ He was staring at her now, the intensity of his gaze making her uncomfortable. She sighed and flopped down onto the sofa, waiting for him to join her.

 

‘Mostly.’ She said. ‘The reality was less.. sanitised than what I told them,’ she tucked her feet up under her, glancing across at him as he sat on the other side. The distance between them felt like a chasm. She didn’t want to talk about this right now - or ever, really. She had put it in the past and moved on. Why should she worry about it now? Kylo was watching her from beneath his lashes, hands clasped in his lap and shoulders hunched forwards. 

 

‘You mentioned therapy, earlier. That was…’

 

‘About my childhood. Yes. I’m ok though, Kylo. It was a long time ago,’ she shifted slightly, turning away from him.

 

‘OK.’ 

 

She turned back. Ok? She hadn’t expected him to just accept that. She turned back to find him still watching her quietly.

 

‘Ok?’

 

‘Yes,’ he shrugged, ‘you seem… stable. Happy mostly. That’s ok. Good, even,’ he wasn’t looking at her, but she swore she saw his ears redden slightly where they peeked out from under his hair. She smiled. 

 

‘I think so, yeah. I- I guess I know they’re not coming back. I moved away a few years ago which was big for me.’ Kylo’s phone buzzed but he ignored it. 

 

‘Your parents?’ He was looking at her now, that intense gaze again that felt like he was looking right into her soul. 

 

‘My parents,’ she confirmed. ‘I don’t know, I guess I kind of thought maybe something had happened and they were trapped somewhere and couldn’t come back. That one day they would. It’s stupid.’ She was crying now, like an idiot. How had this happened? She was supposed to be the strong one, helping him. This was stupid.

 

‘It’s not stupid. It’s unrealistic but it’s not stupid, just-’ his phone buzzed again. He glanced at the screen and scowled, pushing the button to send it back to sleep. ‘It’s not true but it’s not stupid,’ he finished, ‘you were a kid,’

 

‘I was 23 before I moved,’ she told him, swallowing to try and stop herself from sobbing noisily. ‘I was so naive, I just thought- and all the time when I lived with Plutt, I thought they’d come back and rescue me and everything would be ok, it  _ is  _ stupid!  _ I  _ was stupid I should have just run away but for some reason I thought-’

 

‘Look at me.’ She felt Kylo’s hands on her shoulders. ‘You’re not stupid. It’s normal for kids to fantasise about a better life, I know I did and I-’ he frowned, ‘this isn’t about me. You’re the best person I know. You’re not stupid.’ She sniffed and smiled at him. He had moved round in front of her, kneeling like he had in front of May hours earlier, but kneeling up this time, hands stretching out to hold her and ground her. 

 

‘Thanks. I know, I’m being-’

 

‘Don’t you fucking dare say stupid,’ he growled, but there was humour behind it. She chuckled weakly. 

 

‘Indulgent, then.’ She allowed and he shook his head, releasing her shoulders and rising to sit beside her on the sofa. 

 

‘After everything you’ve done for me and for May and Annie I figure I owe you more than some bad acting. I’m here. If you need to talk, I’ll listen. Always. You don’t have to-’ He took her hand in his, gently, as though it were some precious thing that he might break any moment. ‘You’re not alone.’ 

 

She thought she saw tears glisten in his eyes for a minute and smiled at him ‘Neither are you,’ she said softly. ‘Anything you need to tell me, or any help- I’m here.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot resist hut scene vibes and I make no apologies. Hope you guys enjoyed these two actually talking like adults!
> 
> I'm back from Croatia now, and back to work tomorrow so i'm hoping to get into an actual routine with posting - 2 chapters a week probably on Friday and Sunday but I'm starting a job at a new school so it's possible that Friday will end up being a super busy day, in which case I'll change that plan. I'll keep you updated! This week i'll post another chapter tomorrow/later on today because I haven't posted for a while.
> 
> Thanks so much for comments, kudos etc, they make me really happy!
> 
> Come see me and some moodboards for this fic on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology).
> 
> Aaaand as usual check out [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) to find loads of great creators and generally fantastic people.
> 
> (You guys clock my plaidam shout out? I figure we're getting plenty of Crylo and Dadam, we had a bit of a Flydam cameo - I can't leave anyone out! Swolo is coming eventually!)


	14. Ok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey isn't feeling too well - Kylo helps out.

There was a strange weight on Rey when she woke up, groggy and achy from the sofa she had slept on. She tried to move her right arm but it was trapped somehow. That was strange. Her alarm hadn’t gone which was good at least. She wasn’t late. She probably had a good fifteen extra minutes to sort out whatever was going on with her arm. She blinked her eyes open and closed them again. 

 

That couldn’t be right. 

 

Maybe she was still asleep. She opened her eyes again and.. No. She hadn’t been dreaming. The reason she couldn’t move her arm was the man sleeping against her, his large frame stopping her from moving her arm on that side.She reached her other arm up, stretching before poking Kylo in the ribs. He hissed and bolted upright, blinking as he grabbed his side. He looked around wildly for a minute before spotting Rey who had covered her mouth with her hands, realising what she had done. 

 

‘Stab wound,’ Kylo reminded her, breathing through gritted teeth.

 

‘I am so sorry, oh - Kylo, shit, I forgot,’  
  


‘’S fine,’ he said, rubbing his eyes with the hand that wasn’t clamped over his side, ‘It’ll pass. What time is it?’ he yawned, rolling his shoulder. 

 

The room was still grey; not dark exactly, but not light either. She heard rain patter quietly against the windows obscured by drawn blinds but audible nonetheless. She looked at her phone screen, the bright light making her blink again. ‘Twenty past 5,’ she croaked. She tried to clear her throat but the rasp wouldn’t budge. She shook her head a little and stood. Kylo glared at her from the sofa. 

 

‘Twenty past five?’ he muttered, incredulous. ‘I’m going back to sleep.’ He lay back against the sofa cushions, head falling over the edge where he was too tall for the back of the seat. Rey sighed and went to pour herself a glass of water. Her eyes hurt. That’s what happens, she mused, when you stay up most of the night talking, rather than sleeping. 

 

She stopped suddenly, feeling the uncomfortable build up of a sneeze. Kylo’s eyes were closed again, his hand no longer grasping his wounded side as it relaxed in sleep. She would wake him but there was little she could do to stop that. She waited some more. It still didn’t come. Groaning at the unsatisfactory feeling she pulled a glass down from the cupboard and held it beneath the tap when all at once the sneeze came, resounding through her with such violence that the glass clattered into the sink and she was left gripping the counter with one hand.

 

Kylo’s head snapped up at the sudden flurry of sound and he looked around, wincing as his movement jolted his now irritated injury. ‘Wha-’ he put his elbows on his knees, dark curls falling forward, a curtain around his drawn features. After he had collected himself he looked up, observing Rey critically. ‘You’re sick.’ He stated after a minute and Rey rolled her eyes, taking a long sip from the glass she had rescued. 

 

‘ ‘m fine.’ She rasped and Kylo shook his head. 

 

‘Your eyes are red. You look like death. You’re not going to work.’ He stood and padded across to the kitchen, pulling open a cupboard and examining its contents. After a minute he pulled a pack of cold remedy capsules from its depths and handed them to her without a word. 

 

‘If I don’t go to work I’ll have to do twice as much to get ready,’ she yawned and took another long drink of water, swallowing a couple of the pills as she did. ‘It’s easier if I just go.’ Kylo folded his arms, jaw clenching as he stifled a sympathetic yawn. 

 

‘No.’

 

Rey glared up at him, ‘well you don’t look healthy either. Neither of us slept more than two hours last night.’ 

 

‘But I’m not sneezing and I can speak.’ He reasoned and Rey’s scowl deepened.

 

‘I’ll go in and get everything set up. That way if I  _ am _ too sick I can come home and not spend all day worrying that I didn’t leave things organised.’ Kylo scoffed at that, using one hand to tug at tangles by his chin as he leant the other on he counter. 

 

‘If you go into school you’ll stay.’ He told her bluntly and she squirmed under his steady gaze - somehow still piercing despite the dark circles and heavy lids. ‘I think you should call in now,’ he handed her his phone. She noted the cracked screen from their argument yesterday.

 

How had they come so quickly from that to this? How had this become her normal? She had met Kylo perhaps a month ago, if that, and she knew so little about him. She didn’t even know what his mysterious job was, with a boss that called at all hours. Was it just childishness? A crush that had got out of hand? 

 

She regarded him silently, taking in his countenance; the slightly off balance features, his expressive eyes and plush lips. She definitely found him attractive, she wouldn’t deny that, but dating parents or in this scenario, guardians, was against school policy. She couldn’t act on it. She didn’t know how he felt anyway, she was probably inventing feelings where there should rightly be none. 

 

She had with Finn, for a time, when it had been clear how much he liked her and she was trying desperately to feel the same way. That was done with now. Rose had made her life a great deal simpler in that regard. This though? This was anything but simple. 

 

‘I can’t,’ she said, eyes flicking up to meet his, ‘not until seven anyway,’ she smiled. ‘Most people don’t get in until eight, I just like to be there early to get ready. That way I can leave earlier.’ She sniffed and Kylo’s gaze softened. He turned and handed her a box of tissues. 

 

‘You’ll ring at seven then?’ he asked, the firmness dissolving from his voice as though he was surprised she had listened. 

 

‘I’ll ring at seven.’ She confirmed, putting the kettle on to boil then searching the living room/kitchen for her bag. Ah, there. She spotted it beside the door and went over, pulling her laptop from it and turning it on. The ancient school computer took an age to switch on, during which Kylo made coffee for both of them, squeezing a drop of honey into hers before bringing it over. She looked up at him as he leant over her, looking at her screen. 

 

‘I thought you weren’t going to work?’ He asked when she pulled open her weekly plan and began to add detail to the vague notes she usually relied on. 

 

‘I’m not,’ she clarified patiently, ‘but someone has to teach my class and I want them to know what they’re doing.’ 

 

‘They can’t just teach something different for today?’ He asked, and Rey shook her head,

 

‘We have things that need to get done,’ She was becoming exasperated now; she wanted to get on and get this finished. She didn’t need Kylo hovering over her like one of her kids when she was trying to do work. As though reading her thoughts, Kylo stepped back, walking back over to the sofa and sitting down, nursing his coffee. ‘I don’t mind if you sleep,’ Rey called from across the room, but he refused her offer. 

 

‘I’m awake now,’  he said simply, scrolling through his phone as he sipped the overly strong black concoction that he preferred to normal person coffee. 

 

They sat in companionable silence for a while, a strange tired haze muting sounds and sensation in the slightly too warm room. It felt like a world apart, where no one could reach them and time wouldn’t interfere with whatever there was between them. Rey had learned years ago though, that moments of quiet comfort never last; steady quiet of the rain drumming on the window was broken by the loud, garish cry of Rey’s alarm, and as always she was brought crashing back into reality. 

 

6:30. 

 

Time to wake up. She reached for her phone, coughing into her other hand. Kylo’s alarm went moments later, as though reminded by Rey’s to wake it’s owner. He groaned and stretched again, standing and coming back to where Rey sat, quickly putting together worksheets for the children to complete in her absence.

 

He pulled the cupboard behind her open, pulling down boxes of cereal and bowls that matched the plates the girls had used the night before. He grabbed fruit from a bowl on the sideboard and cut it, putting it on a plate which he took to the middle of the table. An apple, and orange and a banana, all cut or segmented and dumped onto the plate. It was hardly an elegant way to serve the fruit, but it served the purpose. Rey finished her work, sent the email and closed her laptop. She checked the time as Kylo pulled out an ironing board from beside the fridge and went in search of the girl’s uniforms. 

 

6:55.

 

She smiled at Kylo rushing around. He had come a long way since the girls had first started at the school, arriving hungry in grubby clothes. They seemed more settled as well, yesterday’s meltdown excluded. They had been joining in more; makings friends. They’d joined a nice group of girls who they seemed at ease with, rushing around pretending to be dragons and unicorns at breaktime, and sitting making ‘books’ with them in any free time they had in class. 

 

She was pleased with their progress in such a short amount of time, and hoped they wouldn’t be set back by their crisis the previous day. The children had been more worried about the girls than anything, testament to the surprising emotional intelligence of many of the class despite their young age. A few had asked to go and speak to them, to check they were ok which she had appreciated but ultimately not allowed. They had needed peace and quiet. She checked her phone again. 

 

7:00

 

Lifting it she punched in the number and phoned Amalyn. As expected, Amalyn had received her email and told her to stay off as long as she needed. It wouldn’t be longer than a day, it never was. She couldn’t justify missing that much time. 

 

She was drawn from her reverie as Kylo emerged from the bedroom, one child on his hip, the other holding his hand dragging sleepy, slippered feet. Kylo plopped May down into a seat and Annie clambered up into the one beside it, pulling a box of cereal towards her. Kylo’s phone buzzed and he looked down, expression darkening. 

 

‘I have to take this,’ he scowled and left the room. Rey went to sit with the girls, talking quietly with them over breakfast. She had made herself tea which she sipped slowly, not eating any of the food Kylo had prepared for his sisters. In the other room she heard his voice, low and conciliatory at first, but rising gradually until she could hear him shouting at whoever was on the other end.

 

‘I’m not- I have to- Fine. Then I quit.’ The last statement lacked the fire of the others, but when he returned to the room Rey noted a twitch in his cheek and a tremor in his hands. She stood and walked over to where he stood, leaning against the wall beside the bedroom. 

 

‘You ok?’ She asked, taking his hand in hers. He looked down at where their hands joined. 

 

‘I think I just did something very stupid,’ he admitted, hand still trembling.

 

‘I think you got out of your dead end job that you hated anyway,’ she said, smoothing over the hard edges of the situation. ‘And now you get to stay home and look after me,’ she smiled up at him and then his lips were on hers. She kissed him back, her free hand pushing against his chest, fingers creeping up beneath his shirt. She felt his hand in her hair and smiled against his lips, pulling back. ‘I’m sick,’ she murmured, ‘I don’t want you to catch anything,’

 

‘I’m pretty sure I already did,’ he responded, cheeks colouring as he noticed the girls staring. ‘I, uh-,’ he cleared his throat, ‘we should probably explain that to them.’  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOOOOOOH BOY. Rey is off in the deep end now. But are we happy these two finally noticed how in love they are? Now we're making progress right? Kylo's getting better at looking after the kids, he and Rey are at the start of a beautiful new relationship. Everything's looking good!
> 
> Except Kylo's unemployed now, but his boss will just deal with that and find a new employee I'm sure there'll be no ramifications whatsoever.
> 
> Comments and maybe they get to be happy for longer :p Many thanks to everyone who has commented/ left kudos so far you guys are the best.
> 
> Come see me and some moodboards for this fic on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology).
> 
> Aaaand as usual check out [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) to find loads of great creators and generally fantastic people.


	15. Inquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo enjoy a lazy day at home. Meanwhile Ms. Holdo meets with the Ren family's social worker.

‘Oh I know him,’ Hux interrupted casually as he passed Amalyn in the office, ‘He worked on the Erso case a few years ago,’ Amalyn looked up and nodded. It wasn’t often she encountered a social worker she didn’t know, but she hadn’t come across Snoke before. 

 

‘The Erso case?’ she asked, thumbing through the file she had pulled from Rey’s classroom, ‘I remember that one. It seemed to work out well in the end,’ 

 

Hux nodded, ‘He’s a good decision maker. I worked with him at my previous school too. A difficult case, but he didn’t hesitate when difficult choices needed to be made.’

 

Amalyn smiled, tight lipped. ‘Hopefully we won’t get that far. This is really just a courtesy meeting,’ Hux nodded and continued past his pigeon hole, pulling his class register and the pile of letters from it before leaving the room. A moment passed before he returned, Poe at his side. 

 

‘I already wrote this up, Armitage, I don’t know that we need to-’ Poe was muttering as he was hustled along by his stage partner. 

 

‘It’s relevant information and Amalyn should be aware of it before this meeting,’ Hux said smoothly, ‘I think you forget that I’m your boss as well as your partner, Dameron.’ Poe smirked at that. 

 

‘You can bring that attitude home,  _ boss _ , but I’m not sure I’m a big fan of it here and now,’

 

‘I’m not sure I care,’ Hux smiled coolly, but there was a hint of warmth behind it Amalyn shook her head,

 

‘If you two are quite finished flirting I’d appreciate knowing whatever it is you mean to tell me,’ She tilted her head, waiting.

 

***

 

Rey snuggled deeper into the bed. Kylo had changed the sheets for her and found an old comfortable T-shirt she could wear in lieu of a nightshirt, and she had been happily dozing, drifting between sleep and wakefulness for a couple of hours now. Kyo sat beside her, playing anxiously with his phone. She pressed her forehead against his thigh to gain his attention before she spoke, voice slightly muffled by his leg. 

 

‘It’s fine, it’s just a job, Kylo. Don’t worry about it.’ He shifted, moving down to lie beside her so that their eyes were level.

 

‘Is that an order Ms. Niima?’ he murmured and she grinned,

 

‘You know it just might be.’ 

 

Kylo smiled and pulled her closer, one hand behind her head as he kissed her forehead. ‘Then I have no choice,’ he openeed his arms and let her worm her way into them, ‘you know we told the girls what happened this morning was just something grown-ups do,’ he began, a little nervous, ‘that it wasn’t something they should have seen. Does that mean… Do you..’ he trailed off, and Rey studied his serious expression,

 

‘I like you,’ she reassured him, ‘I want this.’ 

 

***

 

‘Kylo said it was a secret,’ Annie shifted uncomfortably where she sat, impossibly small in the chair opposite Amalyn’s. The woman’s heart sank. That was never a good sign. 

 

‘But sometimes grown-ups ask us to keep secrets we don’t want to keep,’ she began, ‘secrets that make us feel sad or scared, or just uncomfortable. If that happens it’s ok to tell someone,’

 

Annie smiled a little, ‘I’m not sad, about  _ that _ ’  she pressed her lips together for a minute before smirking and whispering conspiratorially, ‘Ms. Niima stayed at our house,’ 

 

Amalyn fought to keep her expression level. Damnit. She liked Rey a lot, she was a good kid, but this? This muddied the water, especially after the concerns she had raised earlier on in the term. It had been her idea to make contact with social services. Dammit. How could she be so irresponsible? ‘Oh?’ she asked, giving Annie space to explain further.

 

‘She stayed when Kylo was sick, and then last night we were sad so she stayed then.’ The girl squirmed in the seat, moving up to sit on her knees, practically bouncing with excitement. ‘I like Ms. Niima. She likes us and Kylo,’ she grinned, ‘They were kissing,’ she told the deputy head, and Amalyn forced a smile. 

 

‘Thank you for telling me,’ she said. This case was getting more and more worrying. She stood up, extending a hand to the child, ‘right, let’s get you back to class.’ 

 

***

 

‘Do you need anything?’ Kylo called from the kitchen, ‘Water, more pills?’ 

 

Rey padded through to the living room area and sat on the sofa, ‘Water’d be nice. I’m feeling a little better,’ she tucked her bare feet up under her, watching Kylo in his kitchen. This was wrong, she decided, wrong but not something she intended to stop anytime soon. It was too good, too comfortable. It was as though they’d been together for years already, but at the same time she still got butterflies when he looked at her; when his hand brushed hers. When he kissed her. 

 

‘Thanks to my expert nursing?’ He asked flippantly as he sat down beside her, and she poked him in the leg with her toe.

 

‘If either of us can claim that title it’s the one who bandaged the other’s stab wound,’ she told him, imperious. He smirked and inclined his head. 

 

‘You are, as usual, correct, and I defer to your better judgement,’ he intoned. ‘That being the case, you get to decide what we’re watching.’ Rey shuffled across the sofa to lay against him and he lifted an arm to let her, draping it over her shoulder and around her back.

 

‘I don’t care,’ she told him, ‘can we just channel surf?’ 

 

Kylo shrugged, ‘anything you want,’ 

 

***

 

‘So you see, this case is more concerning than I initially thought,’ Amalyn concluded, passing the file across the table to the older man. He took it and skimmed the folder.

 

‘As I suspected,’ he sighed, but Amalyn couldn’t help but feel that there was a pantomime edge to it. The man made her feel intensely uncomfortable, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on why. She watched as Snoke pulled out the photographs of Annie and May and studied them for a moment. ‘It would appear that Kylo has once again proved himself incompetent.’ 

 

He rubbed his forehead wearily. ‘I will take this into consideration, Mrs Holdo. Thank you for inviting me to meet with you it has been most… illuminating.’ He smiled coldly as he stood and extended a hand. It was clammy when Amalyn took it, the handshake too loose and too cold. She shuddered involuntarily, disguising it as a yawn.

 

‘Apologies, I didn’t sleep much last night.’ She smiled back, ever the professional. 

 

‘Ah,’ he nodded, ‘that makes sense,’ he turned and left the room, file under his arm. Amalyn frowned. That was not her intention, though if the social services wanted the file it was her job to give it to them. Snoke’s last comment stayed with her throughout the day though, and she couldn’t quite work out if it was an insult or not. It still played on her mind when the phone rang later, and she saw it was Snoke again.

 

‘Hello?’ she answered, a little more reserved than was normal for her, ‘I see.. No, no if you have a- I completely understand, it’s your case. I’ll see you later then... A police presence? If you think- Ok. Yes. No she’s unwell today… That makes sense. Later, then. You’ll speak to the girls? Ok. I’ll ask another staff member to wait with them until then, then. Goodbye for now.’ She replaced the handset and sat back in shock for a minute before standing and getting to work.

 

***

 

Rey answered her phone breezily, forgetting for a minute that she was supposed to be off work sick. ‘Amalyn, hi!’ she said, unable to keep the giddy edge from her tone. This was ridiculous, she felt like a teenager. The cute boy  _ liked  _ her. He had kissed her and looked after her, and far from her usual two feet planted on the ground, she was floating today. It could be the cold medication, but she was pretty sure it was Kylo. She sensed something was off in Amalyn’s response though, and it brought her plummeting back down to earth.

 

‘Rey. How are you feeling?’ she began. 

 

Rey altered her tone, making it more serious to match her boss’s. ‘I’m a little better. I’m on a lot of cold medication, but I think I’ll be back tomorrow,’

 

She heard Amalyn sigh, ‘No. I’m afraid not Rey. Some… information has come to light regarding the Ren family, and I’m afraid we need you to stay away for a few days.’ 

 

Rey froze, terrified. ‘What does that- Amalyn what information?’

 

‘I think you know, Rey. You withheld information about a child protection issue because of a romantic attachment.’

 

She almost dropped the phone. ‘Amalyn, please I-,’ she swallowed, tears welling in her eyes. ‘I  _ never  _ did anything that would endanger the girls. I would never- surely you know that?’ she was panicking now. How could she have been so stupid? ‘Please they need stability. They’ve been through so much, they won’t deal well with a supply teacher and I-’

 

‘Rey,’ Amalyn said calmly, ‘I understand that you didn’t mean to cause any harm, but this is a child protection issue. I have to follow procedure.’ Her tone softened, ‘there’ll be a disciplinary hearing in a few days where you can argue your case. Hopefully this will just be a slap on the wrist, but I strongly suggest you end  _ any  _ involvement you have with that family as soon as possible.’

 

‘I understand.’ Rey murmured, defeated. Kylo had gone to collect the girls, he would be back soon. It was too good to be true. It always was; she could never be truly happy for long, it just wasn’t her lot in life. Perhaps she should just be gone when he returned; that would be easier than messy goodbyes and arguments. The girls deserved more than that. She would go, but she would tell them where and why. She hoped Kylo would respect that. She began to pack up her things, writing a short note to the whole family. 

 

_ Kylo, _

 

_ I’m sorry, we can’t do this. It’s against school policy and they know. My career is on the line if I stay with you. I hope you understand. Please tell Annie and May I’m sorry I had to go and that I hope I get to see them at school soon. Give them a hug from me. _

 

_ Rey. _

 

She pulled a handful of tissues from the box as she placed the note on the kitchen table, wiping her eyes as she pulled on the clothes she had arrived in. Her shirt had dried now, but she kept Kylo’s nonetheless - A memento of the one day she had enjoyed pretending there was any way she could be happy. She had been part of a family, just for a time. She would cherish the memory. She breathed in deeply, trying to stay the tears in her eyes to no avail. She left the flat and hurried down the stairs and along the street. The hardest part was that she would still see him. There was no way he wouldn’t be around at some point when she was, they lived too close. When she got home she collapsed into bed, letting the tears flow. 

 

***

 

Across town Kylo was doing the same, head in his hands as he wept in the corner of the holding cell. 

 

‘It doesn’t have to be like this,’ a voice told him. He looked up to see the only person he knew he could call in a crisis. 

 

Snoke smiled at him insidiously from the otherside of the locked door. ‘I can help you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh sorry guys, we're getting angsty again. Don't try and cross Snoke it will not work out well - you have to just chop him in half (spoilers he doesn't get chopped in half in this modern au) Idk what to write this chapter made me sad :(
> 
> BUT THAT'S A GOOD THING BECAAAAUUUSE This chapter is part of our Crylo House event over at [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) where we're celebrating all things angsty!!
> 
> Thanks for all your lovely comments and kudos you guys are the best!!
> 
> Come see me and some moodboards for this fic on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology).


	16. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thirteen year old Ben Solo finds himself in jail. At a loss for how to deal with the boy, Uncle Luke seeks out a man known for his work with delinquent teens - a decision that will change both their lives forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: There is explicit reference to attempted suicide in this chapter, as well as a depiction of fairly blatant gaslighting.

‘I can help you,’ the man said, looking into the holding cell where the teen sat sullenly. 

 

‘I don’t need help.’ He sulked. Snoke rolled his eyes. 

 

‘One of us is speaking from inside a cell, the other is not. I suggest you stop acting like a child and let me talk to you.’ 

 

‘Ben, he’s right,’ his Uncle counselled. ‘I rang him because he’s an outside party, he could help. I know you don’t want to talk to me or your mother and that’s-’

 

‘I do want to talk to her!’ he erupted, ‘She’s just not fucking here, is she? She’s never fucking here, she’s busy at another conference telling other people how to look after their kids.’ He stood up and kicked the wall, hard, wincing as something broke in his foot. ‘I’m not going to talk to you,’ he reiterated to his Uncle. ‘Him, maybe.’  

 

‘If that’s what you want I’ll go,’ Luke said, sadness permeating his words. Ben didn’t care. The man was an asshole as far as he was concerned. It was his fault any of this was happening. ‘Ill tell the officers you need some first aid,’ Luke called as he left and Snoke smirked at the boy’s barely audible retort. 

 

‘No love lost between you and your Uncle, eh Solo.’ He said, sitting on the bench opposite where the boy was imprisoned. ‘No matter. I never liked him much anyway.’ Ben looked up, shocked. 

 

‘He’s highly respected in his field,’ he said awkwardly, unsure of what to do with the man’s honesty. 

 

‘As am I,’ Snoke responded. ‘I prefer a far more hands on approach. I assume boarding school was his idea? Sending you away so you didn’t embarrass the family anymore?’ He didn’t wait for Ben to respond, ‘I can see that a delinquent teen is hardly a good advertisement for your Uncle’s expertise or your mother’s books. Alcohol problems at 13 hardly suggests good parenting does it.’ 

 

Ben scowled, sitting again, cradling his now injured foot in his hand. ‘I’ve looked after myself fine. I didn’t need to go away to school.’

 

‘I think we both know that’s not true, don’t we. You tried to kill yourself last month.’ Snoke was examining his fingernails, apparently not paying attention to the boy who stared at him, wide eyed.

 

‘Not properly,’ the boy objected. ‘I knew when Luke’d be home, I knew he’d find me.’

 

‘And now you’re in prison for fighting in a bar you shouldn’t have been in in the first place. You certainly have spirit, I’ll give you that. Potential too, if you listen to the right people.’ The man had risen again, standing over the dark haired boy at the very edge of the holding cell, the only thing between them a glass panel.

 

‘I’m not going back!’ Ben spat, clenching his jaw. ‘And my parents and Luke, they don’t-’

 

‘I’m not talking about your parents and Luke.’ Snoke said gently, ‘Poor dear thing, so lost and confused... They’re obviously not doing their job adequately. I could help you find somewhere to stay, and I know of a few jobs.’ He regarded the child critically. Already tall, once he filled out he would be a behemoth, well suited to what Snoke needed him for. He could mold this one easily, no doubt about that. 

 

‘Jobs?’ Ben asked, tentatively, ‘how would I get- I’m still at school,’ 

 

‘For now, yes. And education is important, but not for everyone. Some people do better in apprenticeships; hands on work, that sort of thing. Obviously you’d attend school until you’re 16 as per the law, but beyond that it’s your choice.’ 

 

Ben nodded. ‘I want to get away as soon as I can. I basically look after myself anyway.’ The stubborn set of his jaw along with the assertion was ridiculous and Snoke had to stop himself laughing at the foolish child. 

 

‘Of course, of course. You know emancipation may well be an option if you feel confident you could live alone? You’d receive a stipend and of course as your social worker I would be around to help you. Perhaps you could stay with another of my charges, he was emancipated a few years ago now and is doing ever so well. You certainly seem a mature young man,’ he bolstered the boy’s ego. This would serve his purpose well, ‘though you would have to cut off contact with your family.’ Ben started at that, eyes wide and confused. Snoke continued as though the suggestion were perfectly reasonable. Once he had guided the boy through that he would have him completely. Nowhere else to turn. ‘You don’t see your father anymore anyway, do you? So that’s simple enough. And your mother is absent a lot of the time with work. It’s really just your Uncle you see regularly, and since you went away to boarding school,’ 

 

Ben visibly shrank back at that. Interesting. It was something to play with later on. For now he would continue this line of enquiry. ‘Since you went away to boarding school you barely see any of them, am I correct? It shouldn’t be too big a change.’ Ben sat now, defeated, staring at his hands. 

 

‘I suppose not,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t think they’d even notice,’ he looked up and something glistened in his eye. 

 

‘Tears, Solo?’ Snoke sneered, ‘I thought you were old enough to look after yourself. Make a decision, I’ll be back in the morning.’ 

 

Ben stood, then. ‘Wait, you’re leaving me here?’ he asked, looking around at the cell he was in. ‘I thought-’

 

‘Just for the night. You made a mistake you suffer the consequences.’ He said clearly and calmly.

 

He left, explaining to the officer on duty and to Luke that he thought Ben would benefit from the warning of an overnight stay. Luke nodded sadly, following him out of the station.

 

In the cell Ben curled up on the small cot, tears falling freely as he felt more alone than he ever had. He would do as Snoke told him. The man’s arguments made sense, what choice did he have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEEEW SNOKE. What a gross man. Poor baby Ben. 
> 
> Also are we liking the Friday/Sunday updates? Do they feel like enough? I've never really bothered with a consistent schedule before so idk.
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology). come find me!
> 
> Find more exciting Reylo fic at [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/)


	17. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo tries to find a way out of his situation. 
> 
> This chapter contains lots of possible triggers - alcoholism, gaslighting/emotional abuse and more discussion of children being removed from their home by social services.
> 
> If you see anything I haven't tagged or warned please let me know and I'll update it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole fic is dedicated to my Crylo fam over at [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/), but especially these next few chapters! Our event was perfectly timed for Kylo's darkest point in this fic!!

‘Where have you sent them?’ Kylo demanded, ignoring Snoke’s offer. ‘They’re not of any use to you, you have me already don’t-’

 

‘Do I have you?’ Snoke asked quietly, threat ever present in his voice, ‘because the last I heard you quit. I still have need of you , Ben Solo, don’t think for a second that because you have compassion for some silly girl you found means that you are beyond consequence.’

 

Kylo avoided the man’s gaze, staring sullenly at the ground. ‘I just wanted to be normal,’ he muttered.

 

Snoke snorted at that, ‘Normal? You didn’t even finish school, Kylo, you couldn’t stay on to sixteen even. You think anyone else will employ you? If you are out of work you are not occupied, if you are not occupied you will start drinking again. I’m not going to leave the girls in the hands of an unqualified, barely literate drunk.’ 

 

Kylo’s head snapped up. ‘I left school because  _ you  _ said I should. I still read, I study, I’m not-’

 

‘Officer,’ Snoke called, taking a step backwards but keeping his gaze locked to Kylo’s. ‘This gentleman is becoming quite agitated, I wonder if there is a more secure place you could put him?’

 

Kylo stopped, sitting down. ‘Sorry,’ he said, rendered childlike again. What had he been thinking? There was no way he could escape Snoke, especially not now the man had his sisters somewhere. ‘I’ll come back, please don’t do anything- don’t hurt them.’ Snoke smiled.

 

‘On second thoughts I will happily post bail. Could I enter the cell, I need to speak with him properly.’ The officer looked dumbstruck, but followed Snoke’s orders. 

 

‘Come now,’ Snoke said, sitting beside Kylo, lifting his chin with one clammy hand. ‘There’s no need for all this. I think we both knew you weren’t a suitable guardian, hm?’ Kylo nodded shakily, pushing the rage down further. 

 

_ Keep calm. You can still protect them, you just have to do as your told. You can do that, you’ve done it for year _ s. _  You have to keep them safe. _

 

‘There, there’s my boy. The girls are with a perfectly pleasant foster family. I have no intention of moving them, and they will still attend the same school. We’ll set up contact on a weekly basis, supervised, naturally, as long as you continue to behave appropriately.’ Snoke stood, resting a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. 

 

_ Leave it, just let it sit there. He’s not hurting you. Just do as he says,  _ he told himself again. 

 

He would find some other way to work this out, someone to take it out on who couldn’t hurt his sisters. Work. He could do it at work. Snoke offered a hand to help him up and he took it wearily. This was life now. He had been stupid to ever think he could have more. 

 

When he got home to an empty apartment it was the letter from Rey that got him. ‘Tell the girls-’ How stupid was she? How could she think that he would ever be allowed to keep them? She should have just reported him in the first place, if he had never thought they could be together then maybe- 

 

He screwed the note up in his hands, throwing it across the room. The paper fell quietly and it wasn’t enough. He needed something bigger, more impact. He lifted the glass she had left to hold it down and threw that, the fragile object shattering on the wall. Better. He whirled around, tossing the chairs over, tipping the table.

 

He was still aching, empty, numb but in so much pain somehow all at once. 

 

He looked at the small table by the bedroom door. The bottle almost sang, siren-like as it tempted him. It could help. If he drank he wouldn’t feel, he knew that. If he drank enough he would just be gone, blacked out, safe from the clawing agony in his chest. His father would be disappointed, a bizarre thought tugged at him, but it was ridiculous. His father was dead, by his hand.

 

His father’s whiskey, the bottle he had first stolen a sip from all those years ago when he had walked out, leaving Ben and the bottle behind, was still there. The irony wasn’t lost on him as he poured himself a glass, hand shaking, and raised it to his lips. He felt the chip in his pocket with one hand. He could ring his sponsor. He picked up the bottle.

 

He drank, long and deep, feeling the burn in his throat from too much, too fast. He finished one glass and poured another, then another and another until the bottle was almost empty and he was passed out on the ground, glass in hand. 

 

When he came to, groggy and dehydrated, the pain was still there. That was the rub. Drink and drink all you can, when you’re sober the problem is still there. It was inescapable though, he was living in his own personal hell. He had to get through somehow. He grabbed the bottle and took a slug before going through to the bathroom to clean his teeth. 

 

Seeing the girl’s toothbrushes nearly killed him. He gripped the sink, white-knuckled and threw up whatever was in his stomach from the night before. He looked around the room, gathering up their things and throwing them into a bag before moving on to other rooms. 

 

The flat was filled with their things. How had they taken over his life so quickly? They had been with him for three months, that was all. His whole flat shouldn’t have been transformed. He grabbed their things, pulling out drawers and banging open cupboards like a whirlwind, cleansing his flat of their presence. Anything that reminded him of them was thrown into the bags, out of sight, out of mind, he needed to be free of them. 

 

The small picture of their parents gave him pause. He sat, looking at them for a minute. It was a good picture. They looked the image of a perfect family, Mum, Dad and the girls. He felt his lip tremble and shoved it down into the bag, burying it amongst clothes so the frame wasn’t broken or damaged. ‘Sorry,’ he murmured to the memory of his parents. They had cared, after all the shit he had put them through. They had sought him out and tried to help him despite how badly he had fucked up and what had they gotten in return?

 

He didn’t deserve family. He didn’t deserve anything but this, the hell he had created for himself. 

He pulled out his phone, pushing down the soon to be ruined hope that Rey might have called. SHe had not. No missed calls. He rang Snoke, calling on the only person he knew would be there for him, no matter how twisted and wrong the relationship became.

 

‘I need to see my sisters.’ He said, dull-ly into the phone. Snoke laughed on the other end.

 

‘It will be at least a week before we can get contact sorted. I need to know you’re still loyal to me first.’

 

‘Then can I give you their things? There’s a lot of stuff, they should have-’ his voice was on the edge of breaking again, ‘they should have their things.’ He said quietly. 

 

‘A fair point,’ Snoke allowed. ‘Bring them by my office, I’ll make sure they get there.’ 

 

‘I could drop them off during school time,’ Kylo said desperately. ‘Please, I need to know where they are,’

 

‘You know that’s not an option. They were removed on an Emergency Care Order, I can’t give you the address of their carer it’s highly unorthodox.’

 

Kylo snapped. ‘Unorthodox?’ He asked incredulously, ‘Unorthodox like lending your vulnerable cases money through your dodgy fucking loan company and sending thugs after them when they can’t pay you back? I should fucking report you to-’

 

‘And lose any chance of ever seeing your sisters again. You seem to forget that you  _ are  _ the thug I send after people. I have years worth of evidence of your crimes, Kylo. If you report me you can rest assured you will be in prison for far longer than me.’ Snoke remained calm and collected, speaking quietly. ‘Bring me their things and then go and visit our friend on Douglass Street. She’s had quite enough time now.’

 

‘Yessir.’ Kylo answered, defeated again. He would stop on the way to the offices to buy enough alcohol to numb himself. He looked at the clock. 4:15. He’d have to hurry to catch Snoke before he left the office at 5:00. He sniffed his shirt; it stank of vomit and booze. His hair too. He should shower and shave, but there was no time.

 

It wasn’t like he would see anyone who cared anyway. 

 

He changed his shirt quickly, splashed water on his face, grabbed his car keys - at least he could drive now the girls weren’t with him - and headed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many people are stressed by the angst! I'm sorry guys, this was always the direction we were heading. We'll be angsty for another 3 chapters after this, but with other characters not just Ben and Snoke (everyone gets to be sad! Hooray! Not everyone. I promise.) But we will get a happy ending, that is for sure. Still debating what to do about Snoke so any suggestions are welcome <3
> 
> I've been using the Kylo Ren playlist on spotify to get into the headspace and wow is that a loud sad throwback to my teenage years. So much nostalgia. 
> 
> Thanks so much for comments, kudos etc, they make me really happy!
> 
> Come see me and some moodboards for this fic on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology).
> 
> Aaaand as usual check out [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) to find loads of great creators and generally fantastic people.


	18. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are pretty rough for Rey right now, but with friends and a can do attitude things will be ok!

Rey didn’t really know how she got through the three days of her suspension. She was  grateful to Finn and Rose especially. Rose, who she hadn’t known that well just a few days ago, had spent nearly every waking moment by Rey’s side, making sure she was ok. Finn, Rose and Poe had all dropped by, Poe desperately apologetic for his role in her suspension, and made sure she was ok. 

 

She wasn’t ok. The one person she wanted to see was the one person she wasn’t allowed to see, but at least he had started getting himself together. She would see the girls at school, she could scope out how he was then. She might still see him at hometime. She hoped he didn’t hate her for leaving him. More than once she had been tempted to call, or text, just open communication, but Rose had stopped her.

 

‘You know it’s not going to help,’ she counselled, and Rey had to agree. 

 

‘It’s just hard,’ she admitted quietly, ‘I don’t know where he is, if he’s ok… I don’t know if he got my note, if he understands…’

 

‘I’m sure he understands,’ Rose said softly, smiling from beneath her fringe. ‘And if it’s meant to be,’ she shrugged, ‘maybe next year when you’re not teaching the girls anymore..’

 

Rey smiled at that. The short time she had known her, she had been blown away by Rose’s kindness and hopefulness. ‘Maybe. Do you bake?’ She asked, suddenly changing the subject. 

 

‘I- yeah I do actually,’ Rose grinned at her, ‘What do you want to make?’

 

Rey shrugged, ‘I don’t know, I don’t bake.’

 

‘But you-’

 

‘You can teach me!’ she said, springing up from the sofa. Rose shook her head at the sudden change in the girl’s demeanor but followed. ‘I don’t have any ingredients.’ She said, pulling open cupboards, ‘We’ll have to go shopping.’ Rose shook her head and smiled. 

 

‘Sure, ok. We’ll start off with just an ordinary sponge, or scones maybe… something simple.’ She smiled and grabbed her bag from where she’d hung it by Rey’s door. ‘Let’s go then.’ Rey grabbed her bag and followed. 

 

When they reached the supermarket though, Rose was decidedly less upbeat. She had been on her phone all the way there, texting her sister. ‘Listen, Rey, is it ok if we stop by Paige’s afterwards? Those assholes showed up again when she wasn’t expecting them and took some of her stuff. She says she’s fine but I want to check in on her just in case.’  

 

They picked up a few things that Rose deemed necessary, Rey mostly just following the shorter woman as she buzzed around the shop, but something stopped her in her tracks. Rose was still hurrying ahead, but she stopped, looking down the aisle. Kylo was striding in the opposite direction, bottle in hand, and she found herself running after him like a child terrified of being left behind and lost in the vast expanse of the supermarket. She reached him, turning and stopping abruptly, almost tripping him as she panted a little, hands on her thighs. ‘Kylo,’ she said between breaths. ‘I’m sorry, I-’ why had she done this. She didn’t know what to say. He was a mess, hair straggly and jaw darkened by stubble. She saw a stain on his shirt and frowned, hoping it wasn’t a sign he'd given up on 

 

Then she spotted the bottle in his hand - vodka. She glowered. ‘You don’t drink.’ She told him bluntly. She had seen his chip - three months - one of the provisos given by the judge when deciding if he should have guardianship of his sisters, he had told her when it had reached one in the morning and conversation had turned, as it so often did past midnight, to serious, personal matters.

 

Kylo sneered at her, ‘ _ you  _ can hardly accuse me of impropriety, Ms Niima,’ he snarled and Rey flinched. She knew she had been unwise, callous even in leaving without a word, but the poison in his words was more than that. He had turned and set off in the other direction

 

‘You can’t drink. You’ll lose the-’ He turned, fury in his eyes. 

 

‘You already made sure of that,’ he told her, his tone a mixture agony and contempt, and then it made sense. The bottle, his rage - why he was here after school finished without them. 

‘Kylo wait!’ she called after him, but he had already gone, and didn’t turn this time. ‘I didn’t know,,’ she said to her hands, ‘fuck I didn’t know,’  _ I’m so sorry.  _ How had this happened? Surely their relationship wasn’t so transgressive it merited the girls’ removal.   

 

Rose noted her silence in the car ride towards Paige’s place. ‘She’s probably fine,’ she filled in the quiet, a tense smile pulling her lips taut. ‘You don’t need to worry.’ 

 

Rey shook her head and looked out of the window. Shops whizzed past, old brown stone that she loved. The mark of a city she called home somehow dulled by the ache in her chest, equal parts sympathy and self-pity. She had done this to him. It was her fault. Even if she got her job back how could she live with herself? She flicked the turn signal on, slamming the brake as she reached a red light. Shifting down to first she let herself slump down in her seat for a minute. This light always took a while to change, it was a busy intercourse. 

 

Rose put a hand on her shoulder,’ you’ll get your job back. Finn thinks you’re amazing, they won’t just let you go for one mistake.’ Again she shook her head.

 

‘Not that.’ She said quietly, ‘but I don’t know about that either,’ the light turned green and she pulled out, turning towards where Rose told her she would find Paige’s place. She didn’t know. Now. If the children had been removed that meant her error was worse than just a relationship with a parent- guardian- it was a child protection issue. 

 

The  _ most  _ important part of her job - keeping the children safe and she had apparently missed Kylo’s ineptitude. Except she hadn’t. She didn’t understand - she had seen him with them, seen how much he loved them and how hard he was working to keep them. He needed some support, but removing the girls was an extreme step. Perhaps if she contacted social services she could make things right. She more than anyone knew the lengths he had gone to trying to be better for them. But then with their relationship - their barely begun, potentially perfect and ultimately doomed relationship - she wouldn’t be viewed as a reliable witness. 

 

‘He lost the girls,’ she whispered, finally letting Rose in to the thoughts rushing through her head. ‘It’s my fault- I should have just-’ she pulled over, collapsing against the steering wheel. ‘He lost them, Rose, and if I had just- If I’d filled out a concern form maybe he would have gotten the help he needed, and-’

 

‘Rey, you said he’d been stabbed when you stayed over. Proper authorities would have made him go to hospital which you said put the kids in danger, right? You did what you could. It’s a complicated situation,’ Rose had her arm around Rey’s shoulders as she sobbed into the wheel.

 

‘I just- he’s hurting and angry and I can’t help. I feel so useless,’ she sniffed, ‘I can’t even go into work and distract myself because I’m suspended, I don’t-’

 

Rose sighed, ‘listen do you want to be on your own at the moment? Paige could use some help at home, she’s working long hours at the hospital and I’ve been spending more time with Finn lately,’ she thought for a moment, ‘if you wanted you could help her out. It might be nice for there to be somebody there if these assholes show up again,’ the usually soft spoken woman was full of fire when it came to her sister, and Rey sat up.

 

‘Paige of course, we need to get to her, I’m sorry Rose, I’m being selfish,’ she took a breath, composing herself. Rose sighed,

 

‘That’s not what I meant, I-’ Rey waved her hand away as she reached out to help adjust her hair. 

 

‘It’s fine, Rose, I know what you meant. I’ll talk to Paige, thank you.’

 

And so by the end of the week Rey had established a new routine; everything still ached, and when she thought of Kylo and the girls she still welled up, but she thought of them less now she was busy. Paige had been working long shifts at the hospital so Rey could help with her little girl, and keep the flat clean and tidy in her absence. She never stayed the night - she had learned from her poor judgement in the past - but she spent a good amount of time there, ignoring her own flat that was just too similar to Kylo’s. 

 

She still looked for him, trying to squint up through the windows on the top floor of his building as she passed; looking down aisles at their supermarket hoping to catch a glimpse of him. She had spotted him once, walking down the street to his door, hands in pockets, headphones in, shoulders hunched. It had taken all her self control not to chase him down. She hoped he was ok, but in her heart she knew he wasn’t. He would get better, she told herself. He would find a way just as she had. They were both adults, they had both faced hardships and setbacks before. They could do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey casually deluding herself that Kylo's probably fine lmao.
> 
> Anyways, I promised three chapters this weekend and I have been busy but I'll keep to that. Here is one, I'll post the other in a few minutes so you can just keep reading. 
> 
> Massive thank you to everyone who has commented, it has been making my day on an almost daily basis. I love when you guys have questions/opinions to share <3
> 
> Aaaaaand usual plug for my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology) and for [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/). I really love being part of that community and it has done my writing wonders. 
> 
> This chapter is part of our Crylo weekend boot camp where all of us angsty writers are letting loose and posting shameless pain and suffering. (Like I was holding back before. Still.)


	19. An Arrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh gross more Snoke. But also Poe and Hux are in this chapter!

‘Tuesday,’ Kylo repeated. He took a breath, the air cooled by the mint he had swallowed to hide the telltale scent of booze. ‘I can see them on Tuesday.’ 

 

Snoke smirked. ‘If you continue to do such admirable work, yes. The Tico girl sent me double the usual payment this month, I assume that was your handiwork?’

Kylo nodded, forcing a half smile. Emotion was hard, it felt so distant. He was fine here, though. He would see the girls on Tuesday. Snoke stood and walked round the desk, sitting on the front edge above where Kylo sat. Kylo made himself look up into the man’s twisted, wrinkled face even as the man reached down to brush his cheek. ‘There now. Isn’t this easier? You know who you are, where you stand. No more uncertainty.’ 

 

Kylo cleared his throat, speaking quietly, obedient as he needed to be. ‘Yes sir.’ He slurred slightly, cursing himself as he heard the words. Snoke crooked his finger beneath the younger man’s chin, lifting it. He peered into Kylo’s eyes for what felt like an age before scoffing. ‘Drunk again, Solo? I always knew you lacked fortitude, but really?’ He leaned closer, ‘You disgust me,’ 

 

Kylo felt the flecks of spittle land on his cheek as Snoke enunciated but didn’t move to wipe them away. He knew better by now.  _ Just sit quietly. Let him do what he wants. Do what he says. Keep them safe.  _

 

‘Sorry sir,’ he muttered and Snoke sighed.

 

‘I tried so hard to help you, Kylo. I didn’t want to take them you know, you forced my hand. Never one for family, hm? Too much responsibility.’ He waved a hand, ‘ No matter, as long as you do your job I suppose sobriety isn’t a necessity. Now. Business. If you want to see them I need you to visit this address and remind our friend that a respectable job means nothing if I don’t get my money.’  

 

Kylo looked at the card, he didn’t recognise it but he would find it. ‘Just the message?’ he asked.

 

Snoke’s lip twitched into something that could pass as a smile if Kylo squinted. ‘Make sure he understands my message, Kylo. I think a reminder of what happens to those who ignore me may be useful.’ He traced a finger down Kylo’s neck, lingering on the small scar by Kylo’s collar bone. ‘What happens, Kylo, when people decide they don’t need me?’

 

He was sixteen when it happened. He had tried to enrol in a school nearby. Snoke was lying, he wouldn’t be able to work for him forever, he’d need qualifications. The first day back and they’d found the bottle in his bag - gin. He didn’t even fucking  _ drink  _ gin. He hadn’t bought it, he hadn’t put it in his bag, but no one had listened. They had found his file, called his social worker and Snoke had arrived, magnanimous and forgiving in front of the headteacher. ‘Troubled boy,’ ‘trying to run-’ ‘not ready for a school environment-’ he had heard snippets of conversation as he sat outside the office, knuckles white as he gripped the plastic seat.

 

‘It’s ok, Kylo. Come with me,’ Snoke had barely stopped to glance at him as he walked past, and ever the loyal hound, he had trudged after his mentor. Back at Kylo’s dingy flat he had changed, called his current security to hold the boy down while he hurt him. Too far that day. Kylo had spun some story about falling down the stairs and then while he was insurgery Snoke had told them the “truth” - fighting, drunk, it was all in character, it all made sense. No need to involve the police, nobody else had been hurt this time. 

 

‘I understand,’ He said, still numb. Snoke pulled away his hand and turned his back - Kylo’s cue to leave. He stood and walked out, gaze fixed on the floor as Snoke sat and opened a file behind him.

 

***

 

A knock on the door. Unusual but not unheard of. Hux put his toothbrush back in the jar, replacing Poes which had been abandoned precariously on one side of the sink as he did so. He buttoned his pajama top as he crossed the living room towards the hallway, slipping his feet into his house shoes when he reached the edge of the carpeted room and began to walk on the cold tile floor. 

 

‘Tidge?’ A voice called from the other room, ‘everything ok?’ 

 

‘Nothng out of the ordinary,’ he replied, ‘I’ll be through in a minute.’ He hated that fucking nickname. It was stupid and childish, and three syllables weren’t that difficult were they? He knew Poe only used it to irritate him though and he wouldn’t rise to it right now. They were going to have a pleasant evening and get a good night’s sleep before school tomorrow. 

 

‘Tidge.’ A tall man stood in his doorway, the irritating name doubly so coming from this man’s lips. 

 

‘What the hell do you want, Ren?’  He straightened, puffing up his chest slightly and adopting a more stable stance. ‘It’s late.’

 

‘Snoke sent me to give you a message,’ the man in front of him spoke with his eyes half closed, leaning in the doorway seemingly exhausted. Hux didn’t buy it. He narrowed his eyes and stepped out into the hallway, pushing the door almost closed behind him. 

 

‘What message?’ he asked, suspicious. He expected violence at some point in the conversation, it always went that way with Ren, but the immediacy of the punch still shocked him. He stumbled back against the wall, clutching his bleeding nose as Kylo blew on his knuckles, advancing. ‘What fucking message?’ he asked again, receiving as his answer another blow, this time to his ribs. He heard no crack - small blessings, he told himself - Kylo must be pulling punches, he knew what the man was capable of. ‘I had nothing to with your s-’

 

‘Don’t.’ Kylo growled, speaking again for the first time since Hux had left his flat. ‘That is not your concern. Snoke wants you to remember what you owe him.’

 

‘Remember?’ Hux spat, ‘I lied for him about the Erso case, made Holdo think he was on the level, what more does he want?’ 

 

Kylo paused, fist still raised as Hux cowered in the corner Ren had him trapped in. ‘You made her think he was-’ He advanced slowly, speaking quietly, ‘It is your fault then.’

 

‘It-’ knee to the groin,

 

‘Is-’ another blow to his ribs, he heard a crack this time,

 

‘Your,’ Ren was shouting now as he punched the wall above Hux’s head,

 

‘Fucking-’ Hux just curled in on himself, waiting. 

 

‘FAULT!’ The door opened and Poe rushed out, pushing Kylo back. 

 

‘What the  _ hell  _ are you doing Ren? Fuck, this is-’ he looked at Hux who was still on the ground, focussing on slow painful breaths, ‘I’m calling the police. This is not how you go about getting those kids back, buddy.’ He looked up at the broken man who was backing away. ‘Pretty sure they have your address. It’d be easier if you just stayed,’ Poe ran a hand through his hair before heading inside to grab a phone. Kylo froze, glancing at Hux. 

 

‘He can’t call the cops,’ 

 

Hux rolled his eyes, pushing himself upright. ‘No. I’ll stop him.’ He took a faltering step and Kylo stepped closer, offering an arm to help him. He pushed the door and Poe turned, eyes widening at the pair. ‘Put the phone down,’ Hux told him quiet but authoritative.Poe furrowed his brow but put the phone down.

 

‘What-’

 

‘It’s a sensitive situation,’ Hux said, motioning Kylo to take him through a door to the left - the kitchen - where he made his way over to the fridge/freezer where he began pulling out and applying ice packs to where he was hurt. He hissed as the ice bit his skin where he thought his ribs might be broken. He could strap them later; he’d done it before. For now he needed to deal with his partner and his ghosts. ‘I owe money, I’m late on the payments. I thought we had an arrangement, apparently I was mistaken.’ 

 

Poe scowled, looking at Kylo for confirmation.

 

‘I have no idea,’ the man intoned, nursing his knuckles. ‘I was sent to deliver a message, I did my job. If you’re not calling the cops I’ll leave.’ 

 

Poe eyed the taller man suspiciously, ‘You were doing this while you looked after your sisters?’ 

 

Kylo’s whole stance altered. He stood upright, eyes suddenly wide and alert. ‘I never hurt them, I’d never hurt a kid, I-’  Poe half shrugged, folding his arms. 

 

‘Not my problem. Or yours anymore. Get out of my house.’ 

 

***

 

‘I hear you went above and beyond with our mutual friend,’ Snoke’s voice filled his apartment and Kylo screwed his eyes shut, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

 

‘He irritates me,’ was all he said in response, and he heard a chuckle from where his phone lay on the bedside table.

 

‘Indeed, well you did as asked. I’ll send an address for contact. It will be supervised, of course, and filmed. I don’t want any foolish behaviour that might endanger the girls.’ The threat was implicit. No trying to find a way out of this, just an ordinary visit. 

 

‘I won’t-’

 

‘No, no I don’t imagine you will, but just in case.’ The line went dead and Kylo dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. 

 

He woke the following day, head pounding, mouth dry but a small spark of hope burning in his chest. He could see them today. Maybe- it was not something he was counting on, or something he even believed possible - but maybe the supervisor would see them with him, see how much they loved each other and send a report. He could get them back maybe. 

 

Maybe.

 

He didn’t know how any of this worked really. He should research, he supposed, but then he knew ultimately Snoke was in charge of their case. Whatever spark of hope he held onto would just burn his hands, his heart, leaving yet another scar on his fragile soul. Still he held on. Without it he had nothing - if he couldn’t see the girls he would have no reason to continue. Snoke knew that. He would let Kylo see them. He would dangle them like a carrot on a string, and Kylo would run and run despite knowing he would never really reach his goal. What else could he do?

 

He splashed water on his face. He looked horrendous, eyes sunken and framed by dark circles, skin almost translucent. The edges of his sca puckered and he knew he should be using the oil he had been given to help the skin heal, but what was the point? His hand shook when he pulled out his razor, and blood bloomed in its wake as he carelessly dragged it across his jaw. He groaned, putting spots of tissue where he had cut himself before going through to the kitchen. Water. He should drink water. He ran a glass and drank it, waking up a little more as he did. Leaving the tap running, the glass overflowing beneath it in the sink, he pulled open the medicine cupboard and rooted around for painkillers. He swallowed the pills dry before returning to the sink and downing another glass of water.

 

By the time he was sitting in the carpark of the nondescript office building where he seemed to have spent at least a quarter of his life, he felt a little more human. He spat his gum into a tissue and shoved it into the glove compartment before opening the door and trudging towards the building. He waited to be buzzed in before turning left down a hallway he hadn’t really seen; when he left home he hadn’t wanted to see his family, and Snoke had respected, even encouraged, that. The contact rooms were not somewhere he had ever had any business being. 

 

The waiting area was sterile, as these places usually were. The same pale and dark blue colour scheme, interrupted by the pale wood of an unmanned desk against the wall. He chose to lean against the desk, waiting for someone to appear and tell him which of the doors he should go through. 

 

After a few minutes one of the doors opposite the desk opened and a woman walked out. Kylo stared. Phasma smirked at him, walking round the desk and pulling out a few forms which she handed across. ‘You need to sign these,’

 

‘You work here?’ Kylo asked, skimming the forms. Permissions, promises not to damage anything in the room, boring formalities. He signed his name, all loops and flicks, along the lines where it was required and pushed the forms back. Phasma nodded when he looked up, still smirking. ‘Since when?’

 

‘A while now. Snoke likes having someone he trusts supervising his cases,’ She walked back around the desk and towards the same door she had come through, pausing in front of it. 

 

‘No smoking, no alcohol, food is fine but it doesn’t look like you brought anything. You’re in the green room - the TV doesn’t work in there so don’t bother trying to turn it on. It is my job to terminate the session if it becomes too emotionally fraught for the children, it has no reflection on the case.’ She drawled the rules and Kylo nodded along. He would agree to pretty much anything - had agreed to many things he would object to normally - if it meant he could see them. Phasma held the door open and he walked through to another corridor.

 

‘They’re in there. The session’s filmed, I’ll be watching from the desk.’ She pointed to a door and Kylo pushed it open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best of summaries for this chapter. Anyways on a scale of 1 to I want to tear my own hair out and strangle him with it how much are we hating Snoke? He's the worst. But we got some more gingerpilot! Hux is decidedly softer in this than in canon, and I really want to explore the 'sibling' relationship he and Kylo seem to have in TFA for a bit, so look out for that later.
> 
> Second chapter posted for today so less rambling to do. Hope you guys are having a lovely Sunday. 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology) and a part of this amazing group ---> [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/). Feel free to ask for more info and I can direct you to someone who'll help you join. 
> 
> Again this is part of the Crylo Boot Camp. Clearly the superior of the 5 houses in The Writing Den... Here's some more angst for you guys.


	20. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gets to see the girls again. Rey has an interesting conversation with Hux and Poe.

****

Annie and May sat on the sofa together, heads bent over a peg frame, fists filled with small colourful elastic bands that they were weaving together. They looked cared for - their clothes and hair were clean and they had none of the usual smudges on their faces or arms. Not even a hint of pen on their hands - someone was making sure they were looked after, properly now. When Kylo entered they looked up but didn’t move towards him. Annie watched him make his way across the room, picking up the bands that also littered the floor as he went. The room was green, but it wasn’t as distasteful as he had expected. The walls were a soft pale green, the carpet white with a bright grassy rug beneath the coffee table. In one corner of the room sat a microwave; a sad attempt at making family meal time possible. The contrast between microwave heated food sat around the tiny coffee table in this pseudo-homely pseudo-sterile environment and the meal he had shared with Rey and the girls a week ago made him slightly nauseous. 

He handed Annie the bands, waiting for one of his sisters to speak. He didn’t know how they felt about him right now - they had seen him fighting for them at the school reception when Snoke had arrived to take them away, heard him spitting curses at Snoke, the school, the police, anyone in ear shot. He hoped they knew it was for them. It was to keep them safe, with him and Rey. They probably didn’t. They had been terrified when the police wrestled him out of the building and into the car; their tiny white faces tear streaked and open mouthed as they watched through the glass doors. 

‘Did you go to prison?’ Annie asked quietly after a minute had passed. Kylo swallowed. 

‘Jail. Not for long, I went home afterwards. I was-’ how could he make them understand what had happened? He glanced around for somewhere to sit, spotting a wooden chair in the corner of the room which he walked over to. ‘I was angry. I didn’t want them to take you away.’

‘But it’s bad, hurting a police officer is bad.’ Annie set her jaw, glaring up at her brother. Kylo fought the sudden wave of misery that rattled through him, making his lip quiver and his fists clench. Numb was better than this, he needed a drink. His cheek twitched and he  swallowed hard. It wasn’t fucking fair. He had just wanted to care for his sisters properly and maybe have some chance of happiness. 

‘Yeah, I do a lot of bad stuff,’ he snapped, making May jump and drop the bands she was holding, ‘ah shit-’ he caught himself, ‘fuck-’ He knelt, beginning to pick up the tiny rings of brightly coloured elastic that littered the ground. ‘I’m sorry May,’ he said, gaze fixed on the floor, ‘Annie, look girls I’m not- I’m not a good person. You shouldn’t try and be like me ok, you have to be better.’

‘You do good stuff,’ Annie objected, and Kylo shook his head, ‘You do!’ She continued, ‘You helped us when we needed someone to help. Ms. Niima says that’s kind.’

Rey’s name was like a punch in the gut - another reminder of the life he couldn’t have because of his own fuck-ups. ‘It’s my fault you needed help,’ he said bluntly, looking up, ‘I should have been paying more attention, I shouldn’t have crashed. I killed them. I am not a good person.’

Annie’s lip quivered and he clenched his jaw. This was better. It was like throwing stones at an animal to make sure it was still scared of people after you’d looked after it. The girls were with a foster carer - someone qualified to do this. Snoke had no use for them while he had Kylo. As long as he kept doing what he was told they were safe. They were better off without him and any urge to hold them and comfort them was selfish, even childish, and needed to be suppressed. 

May had been watching him quietly, reaching out to take her sister’s hand when the other girl started to cry. She gritted her teeth and swallowed before she spoke, and for a second he was struck by how much she looked like their mother. ‘You said we’re your knights,’ she said cautiously, but with a certain stubbornness, ‘we have to help you,’ 

Kylo pinched his forehead, looking at the ground for a moment to think before raising his gaze once more. ‘No you don’t. You’re a kid, you’re not a knight. I shouldn’t be asking you to keep my secrets.’ Annie was sobbing now, hunched over her sister’s shoulder as the other girl just stared at Kylo. He cleared his throat, ‘Phasma I need to leave. Girls I-’ he stopped himself. ‘I’m going,’ He stood and left the room, passing Phasma on the way out. She tried to stop him, but he elbowed her out of the way, hurrying out of the building. 

It didn’t matter where he was in the social service offices, the whole building felt stifling and oppressive. He had to get out of there so he could breath -  _ so you can drink-  _  a small niggling voice at the back of his mind. Maybe he should go to a meeting, but what was the point? 

He pushed through the door and out into the fresh air, walking round the side of the building to lean against the wall, breathing slowly and heavily. How many times had he been here, fighting off a panic attack? Probably too many to count. Just breath. He dug his hand into his jacket pocket, reaching for his flask. He found nothing, collapsing forward to lean his elbows on his knees, head resting in his hands as he counted his breathing. ‘It’s not a choice,’ he muttered to himself, ‘you don’t have a choice, you don’t have a choice,’ he repeated under his breath, trying to calm down. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out from his pocket with shaking hands. The screen showed an address and he sniffed, hand still shaking when he replaced the phone and straightened. Work. There was work to do. He shook his head harshly, trying to rid himself of the encroaching terror that still lurked in the corners of his mind. 

***

Walking back into school felt strange. Though the reception area and hallway were empty this early in the morning, Rey still felt as though people were watching her, judging her. It had doubtless gone all around the staffroom - Rey Niima, the teacher who let children stay in a dangerous situation because she had a crush on their guardian. She wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up in the paper, losing everything because of a stupid mistake… except no. She knew she hadn’t missed any warning signs - she had spotted them and helped Kylo. He had become so much better when they were together, she truly believed that, and so had she. She swallowed, entering her classroom and flicking on the lights. Same old room, same bright walls and colourful displays; same thigh high tables that would doubtless leave her bruised from crashing into their corners by the end of the day; same desk with the labelled trays that suggested more of an organisational system than she actually had. A sticky note on her computer caught her eye - she knew Amalyn had been taking the class while she was away, and she had emailed Rey all the information she needed about her classes progress over the past two weeks. She shouldn’t also have needed to leave a note. 

Rey dumped her bag on the table nearest the door and walked across, rolling her left shoulder which was still stiff from sleep. The note wasn’t from Holdo. 

_ Rey. Welcome back.  _

Hux’s slanting squashed together lettering, almost too small to actually read, greeted her. She scoffed at the welcome - there was no love lost between her and Hux. there had to be something beneath this. 

_ So glad everything was squared away and you can continue teaching here -  _ she could almost hear his smooth, slimy tone -  _ If possible I’d like to speak with you at some point today. In private. Don’t respond by email this doesn’t need to be on the system. _

_ Mr Hux. _

‘Mr Hux,’ she murmured under her breath. It may just have been Hux being cautious; ensuring that no students read his real name on the note; and she tried to think the best of her colleague. Still the formality seemed unnecessary. ‘Don’t reply by email?’ she read aloud as she reread the post-it. ‘So I have to walk all the way down to P7, brilliant.’ She groaned, switching her computer on before heading back down the corridor towards the p7 rooms. Hux was always in early too - one of the few things they agreed on was that brains worked better before a day of teaching, so it was better to plan and mark before the day began.

When she finally reached the end of the corridor she knocked on the closed door. Poe’s voiced answered, still thick with sleep. ‘Come in,’ 

He sat on the edge of Hux’s alarmingly tidy desk, coffee clasped between two hands. Hux continued marking the book he had open in front of him.

‘Hey Poe,’ Rey yawned, ‘Hux. I got your note.’ Hux just waved a hand and Rey rolled her eyes. Of course. She had trekked all the way down here and now he was busy. Poe half smiled at her,

‘He’ll talk when he’s done with that one. We’re moderating,’ he gestured to the pile of books on the table opposite that bore the names of Hux’s class. ‘I’m done, Tidge doesn’t like mine. He says I was too lenient.’ 

‘Not too lenient,’ Hux spoke without looking up, ‘but not detailed enough with your feedback,’ Poe mimed speaking while Hux spoke, mocking his partner with a soft smile. Rey tried to smile, but the intimacy of Poe’s expression was painful. She swallowed. She would have to deal with this - she’d see the girls today and she needed to be able to handle reminders of Kylo. 

Hux cleared his throat, putting the lid on his pen, closing the book and turning in his swivel chair. Rey couldn’t fight her gasp as she saw the watercolour pattern of bruises mottling his pale skin. ‘Armitage what-’

‘Your boyfriend,’ he deadpanned, and Poe shoved his shoulder. 

‘Not cool, Tidge.’ He chastised and Hux shrugged a shoulder,

‘True though,’ He stood, hands clasped behind his back as he walked over to the window. Rey glanced at Poe who motioned for her to sit down,

‘He’s being dramatic, but we think you should know some stuff about Kylo, right babe?’ Hux glanced back, nodding curtly,

‘You know Kylo?’ Rey asked, speaking slowly as she tried to process what was happening, ‘And he hurt you?’

‘Indeed,’ Hux said, staring out of the window once more, ‘I’ve known Kylo for a long time. More pertinently, I know Snoke,’ He took a breath,

‘The social worker, ‘Poe muttered, ‘not so helpful after all,’

Rey looked at him sideways, ‘I do know what’s been going on, Poe. I set up the meeting with him in the first place,’

‘Which suggests you don’t know exactly what’s going on,’ Hux interjected, ‘If you will let me speak, _ dear _ ,’ he shot a pointed look at Poe, the endearment more of a threat than anything else, ‘I will explain.’ He turned from the window, moving across to sort some papers on the top of a nearby cabinet. 

‘Snoke was initially my social worker,’ he said while he sorted, ‘my home life wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, and I emancipated myself at sixteen. Snoke helped me with that, he lent me money, helped me find a place, made sure I knew what I needed to do legally to keep my father away from me. He was doing his job, but more than that - he seemed to actually care about me. When I left school I knew he was working with emancipated minors, and he started asking me to help out with that. Kylo was only just fourteen, far too young to be living alone, and he was a suicide risk - it was a mess, but I assumed Snoke knew what he was doing in not putting him in foster care, I suppose he did, it just wasn’t in anyone but his own best interest,’ He was still sorting papers, but it seemed like they no longer needed sorting. Poe stood and walked over to him, placing his hand on the small of the other man’s back and guiding him back over to the desk. Hux took his hand briefly and squeezed it before continuing, 

‘He asked me to live with Kylo which was… interesting. I tried to help out where I could but I was eighteen, I didn’t know how to help. We mostly avoided each other and when we didn't he found ways to push my buttons and I- the relationship was not constructive. Snoke uses people, Rey. He finds a way to control them and then uses them until they’re just empty husks. I got out ok, I was older when he met me and less malleable. Kylo- he was drunk most of the time, barely aware of what was happening. He let Snoke ruin him,’ Rey could almost taste the bitterness in Hux’s tone when he spoke about Kylo. 

‘Wait, so why does Snoke want him?’ Poe asked, as hooked by Hux’s story as Rey was. 

‘Brawn mostly,’ Hux replied flippantly, ‘I was hardly a useful candidate to go and intimidate people he wanted to maintain his control of.’

‘That’s- that’s his job?’ Rey said quietly, ‘He works for Snoke?’

Hux nodded. ‘He usually doesn’t hurt people in fairness. Usually he’s large enough to just imply violence. I know him too well for that to work, he had to actually brutalise me.’ Rey winced and Hux shrugged,

‘It’s not like I don’t know how to take a beating. I’m fine,’ he assured her, but she was left less than convinced. 

‘What did he want from you?’ she asked, needing as much information as possible to understand what she found herself involved in,

‘Largely I think just proof Kylo was still loyal to him, but he was also ensuring that I was still propping up his reputation. I imagine Amalyn saw through him at their meeting,’

‘Not well enough,’ Rey spat, still cross despite Holdo’s work to keep her in a job. ‘He lost the girls because of that meeting,’

Hux held up a hand, ‘He lost the girls because he defied Snoke. He nearly managed to get out earlier this year when his father came to beg him to come home, but of course the crash and then he was responsible for the girls and Snoke was in charge of their case so he had him back under his thumb.’ Rey stood, gripping her elbows as she hugged herself. 

‘What can we do?’ She asked. ‘I need to- we can’t just let him-’ 

‘I don’t really know,’ Hux admitted, ‘We don’t have to do anything,  _ I’m _ mostly fine, but since you have some connection with Kylo it seemed appropriate to tell you the truth of the matter.’ 

‘Kylo listens to you. Tidge seems to think that’s a big deal, so I figure we could do something. His kids-

‘Sisters,’ Rey interrupted Poe’s musings, ‘

‘Right, whatever, May and Annie are at risk while Snoke’s in charge of their case. The way I see it, as teachers and as reasonable people it’s our duty to try and help them.’ He folded his arms, looking expectantly at the other teachers in the room.

‘I-’ Rey swallowed, ‘I think you’re right. He was looking after the girls well enough - better than other kids I’ve taught definitely, and when I started helping out we were making good progress…’ Hux nodded,

‘His heart’s in the right place, he just needs his brain to catch up,’ the slender man admitted, ‘He’s always been that way, more bark than bite, as it were,’

‘He’s bite-y enough,’ Poe muttered darkly, eyeing his boyfriend’s bruises, 

‘Enough, Poe. We talked about that, you need to stop-’

‘Hold on,’ said Rey, interrupting her unlikely ally ‘You telling me this, this is a risk for you, right? Are you not supposed to be keeping his reputation intact?’

Hux shrugged delicately, ‘What is he going to do to me? I have a respected position here, I’m good at my job… He’s not exactly going to ask Kylo to kill me-’ he blanched, taking a step back and dropping into his desk chair. When he spoke again his voice was slightly hoarse, ‘Oh God, he might ask Kylo to kill me.’ 

Poe scoffed at that, ‘I’d like to see him try,’ he postured and Rey rolled her eyes at them both. 

‘No one is going to kill anyone. We need to figure this out.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone want to write a side series to this about teen Kylo and young adult Hux trying to be roommates because I want to read it but comedy is not my forte. Ben and Hux ar5e still pretty young in this btw - Hux is around 28 and Ben's around 24 because otherwise accidental new babies for Han and Leia weren't really an option so there we go. Very important to be 100% scientifically accurate in Star Wars fanfic apparently. 
> 
> So we're still quite sad, I'll level with you, buuuuut we're beginning to assemble our little dream team. There will be happiness at some point! You guys haven't met Chewie yet. He's the best. 
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who has commented. This is my first fic which has over 200 comments (granted many of them are replies but still) and it's so nice! I am a very happy bunny whenever I receive a comment regardless of how long or in depth. 
> 
> AAAAND I am too tired, but check chapter notes last time for my tumblr and TWD links <3


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd think about this properly but I'm just so excited for you guys to meet Chewie! Chewie's here!

Rey looked around the drab room, waiting for people to arrive. She had found the meeting online and it was the closest one to Kylo’s flat so it made sense that someone here would know him. Hopefully they didn’t take the anonymity thing too seriously. At the very least she might meet someone who would reach out to him themselves, even if nobody would tell her where he was. People arrived in dribs and drabs, filing quietly into the room and finding a seat in the circle of chairs that had been set out in preparation. A big, bearded guy smiled at her as he poured himself a coffee from the machine on a fold out table at the side of the room and made his way over. ‘Hey, you’re new right?’ He asked, Rey nodded and he smiled. ‘No need to be anxious, we’re all in the same boat one way or another here. I’m Charlie, but folks here call me Chewie.’ He extended a hand and she took it. 

 

‘Nice to meet you,’ She shifted her balance from one foot to the other. ‘Listen, Chewie… this is probably not the right way to do this but I’m not actually an addict-’

 

‘I’ll stop you right there kid, I’ve heard that one too many times before,’ 

 

‘No, I’m genuinely not. I’m just worried about my friend and I wondered if anyone here knew him. I know he came to meetings for a while and this is close to his place,’

 

Chewie folded his arms, leaning back slightly. Wow he was tall. Taller than Kylo probably, definitely bigger. If Rey was someone easily intimidated she would be quaking where she stood, but she had dealt with people trying to threaten her her whole life. She stood her ground. 

 

‘Look, I know it’s anonymous and you can’t tell me anything, that’s fine, just- I don’t know if he called himself Kylo or Ben when he was here but if anyone knows him or he has a sponsor or something could you ask them to reach out? He’s in a bad place.’ Chewie cocked his head to one side. 

 

‘If I did know Ben that wouldn’t exactly surprise me,’ his expression softened. ‘I’m not going to reveal whether or not anyone here knows him, but if his sponsor were around I think he’d be grateful someone else was looking out for him. You want to leave your number in case we uh- need to get in touch for some reason?’ Rey nodded, taking the proffered phone and typing her number into the contacts under the name ‘Rey (Ben’s friend).’  She passed it back and Chewie stuffed it back into his pocket.

 

‘Tell his sponsor I’m glad there’s someone else looking out for him too. If, you know, his sponsor happens to be around.’ She winked and left the room, grabbing a donut as she did. 

 

She woke the following morning feeling positive. It would be her first day back in class after the transition day Amilyn had granted for her to get back on top of everything. She was looking forward to seeing her kids, though she didn’t know how she would approach the girls.

 

The first lesson passed fairly uneventfully. Her reading groups were on track, most of the children were engaged with the phonics activities and Tuesday was one of the few mornings when her least able students went to intervention so she hadn’t had to find some way to make the work accessible for them while juggling her most able students and those in between. When the bell rang for break, however, Annie and May hung back. 

 

‘Ms. Niima?’ Annie asked tentatively, ‘Did you see Kylo today?’ Rey swallowed and knelt down in front of the expectant children. 

 

‘No, sweetheart,’ she said sadly, ‘I haven’t seen him for a little while.’

 

‘Does he not love you anymore?’ May asked, ‘He doesn’t love us anymore. I don’t know what happened,’ the girl was clenching her jaw, trying to be stubborn but her eyes shone bright with tears. 

 

‘I’m sure that’s not true. You know he didn’t want you to go away,’ Rey counselled, but Annie shook her head.

 

‘He said he was bad and he shouldn’t be looking after us,’ she insisted and Rey groaned inwardly. Of course he had, the idiot.

 

‘He’s feeling very sad right now, and a bit angry. He’s trying to do what’s best for you, but I think he’s making some big mistakes,’ she told them, ‘How are you enjoying living with Mrs Sloane?’ The girls had been coming into school more kempt than previously - hair braided, uniforms ironed and clean, each carrying cute little matching lunch boxes. May shrugged.

 

‘It’s fine. She doesn’t play games with us like Kylo did,’ Rey bit her lip and nodded, 

 

‘Sometimes there are more important things than playing games,’ she told the children sadly, ‘Right,’ she clapped her hands together, suddenly business like. ‘The bell will go in a minute so go get some fresh air quickly.’ She hustled them out of the door and closed it behind her,only then blinking away the tears that had gathered in her eyes. 

 

After break the girls were downcast. May had been fighting one of the other children in the playground, and while in fairness the kid probably had it coming, it wasn’t something she could just ignore. She pulled May aside, and as usual, Annie hovered in the background, ignoring any requests for her to go and find an activity. ‘Listen, May,’ Rey began softly, ‘I know you’re upset-’

 

‘I’m not upset I’m fucking pissed off!’ May blurted, taking Rey by surprise. She knew the girls must have heard swear words, most of her class had by now thanks to the few who had used them liberally at the beginning of the year. Still the language surprised her, coming from May. Though the girl obviously had some anger to work through she had never exploded like this before. Her sister was just as surprised, and Rey heard a small gasp behind her. 

 

‘May, you can’t swear!’ Annie was visibly shocked, mouth forming a tiny ‘o’ even after she had finished speaking. Ms. Kanata made her way through the crowd of children removing their coats at the pegs and over to where Rey crouched at eye level with May. 

 

‘You want me to read the story while you deal with this?’ She asked, pushing her glasses back up.

 

‘Thank you!’ Rey mouthed, nodding and turning round for a second before looking back at where the distressed girls now stood side by side. ‘May, sweetheart, you know we don’t use that kind of language in this classroom.’

 

‘I don’t fucking care.’ May replied, testing the limits of Rey’s affection. Rey just smiled calmly and took May’s small hand in her own. 

 

‘You’re feeling pretty cross right now, huh?’ the girl avoided eye contact but nodded. Ms. Kanata quietly bustled Annie off as the other girl began to cry, ignoring the child’s protests. ‘That’s ok. It’s ok to feel cross sometimes. I feel a bit cross too,’ she admitted,

 

‘Cross at me?’ May asked tentatively, still looking at Rey suspiciously. 

 

‘No, not cross at you. I’m sad you’re feeling angry but I’m not cross at you. I’m a bit cross at me,’ she smiled conspiratorially, and May nodded.

 

‘I’m cross at you.’ Rey smiled sadly at the girl. 

 

‘That’s ok. I had to leave you behind and that wasn’t a nice thing to do. I’m sorry about that,’ she paused. She didn’t want to give the girl false hope, but at the same time she was fighting hard to keep the optimism from bubbling out of her chest. She  _ was  _ going to solve this. She could find Kylo, they would stop Snoke and get the girls back home. It would all be ok. All she said was ‘I’ll try and help you, and Annie too. Tell me anything that’s making you sad, anytime, I’ll listen, ok?’ She offered her hand for May to shake, and the girl took it, nodding. 

 

‘Ok.’

 

***

Chewie pulled his phone out from his overalls, wiping the grease from his hands in a vague and futile attempt to keep the device clean that would never be possible while he was working on the Falcon. He pulled open the door and sat on a seat, scrolling through his messages. There. Ben. He should change it to Kylo, but he won’t. He smiled slightly at the photo Kylo didn’t know was attached - a small boy sitting on his father’s shoulders, both of them grinning so widely their faces could split in half. It hurt a little, that Kylo didn’t recognise him, but then he supposed they hadn’t met in person - just phone calls and birthday cards until the kid was old enough to raise hell, which in Ben’s case had been pretty young. By the time Han had gotten his shit together and gone back home, Ben was long gone. He groaned and started to type the message, hoping against hope that Ben would respond. He had been dodging calls for the past few days, and missing more meetings than was acceptable given his general mental state. 

 

_ You ok? Meet me at the gym tomorrow am. don’t care if you drink/have been. _

 

He replaced his phone. He did care, of course he cared. Han had helped him recognise and deal with his problem; now he was trying to repay that debt in helping out the kid. 

 

Hours passed and there was no response. He checked his phone one last time before bed. Still nothing. He set his alarm nonetheless - hopefully he would run into his wayward nephew if he just went to the gym. He smirked grimly to himself, sending off one more message.

 

_ Hell Kyle, I’ll even bring whiskey just show up. _

 

Minutes later his phone pinged. 

 

_ KYLO. I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t buy alcohol that’s fucking stupid. _

 

He’d passed the test then. No need to go break down his door right now which was good. Chewie was comfortable in bed, he really didn’t want to go and harass Ben right now. Leave that for the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly love Chewie so much in this. Is he out of character? Probably. Idk I'll have him massively overreact to some small injury later on, but for now he needs to be sensible to make up for Ben being stupid. 
> 
> So you guys. People are being useful. We're on the uphill again! Hope is like the sun and right now I need sunglasses. That was cheesy but I'm not going to delete it because I enjoyed it too much... It's been a long day can you tell? 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology) come visit?
> 
> For a huuge range of reylo fic by talented authors come see us in [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/)! House Crylo is the best and I am obviously not biased or overly invested in angst at all.
> 
> Comments make me very happy (and ear you points Writing Den members so just saying *eyes emoji*) :p Hope everyone is having a much better day than Ben!


	22. Working Things Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo meets Chewie at the gym. I like puns.

‘Kylo,’ The tall, broad man swept his sponsee into a hug. Kylo tried to push him away, but Chewie ignored him, squeezing him tighter. 

 

‘Can’t breath,’ Kylo choked out eventually and the older man released him, holding him by his shoulders at arms length as he looked him up and down. 

 

‘You’re not in a good way, huh?’ was all he said, but Kylo found himself on the verge of tears. He hadn’t had a drink; hadn’t wanted to disappoint his sponsor - a man who in just a few short months had become the father figure he might have wished for if he felt wishing was something he could do.

 

He should have had a fucking drink. 

 

Chewie never said much, but when he poke it was exactly what needed to be said. Kylo clenched his jaw, looking up until the tears dissipated, and shook his head. ‘Anything you can tell me?’ He shook his head again and Chewie sighed, picking up both gym bags and turning away towards the door. Kylo followed  and they walked in silence through hotel lobby and into the gym. It was a small place - not one Kylo had heard of as a gym until he met Chewie through AA, but now he didn’t go anywhere else. It was small, well equipped and because it was part of a hotel rather than being a standalone gym it was rarely busy. 

 

People nodded to the pair as they climbed the stairs up to the gym, and a few of the trainers shook hands with or high fived Chewie. 

 

‘I feel like a dick dragging you into work on your day off,’ Kylo muttered and Chewie shrugged.

 

‘I’d come workout anyway.’

 

‘That’s fair.’ 

 

They continued in silence, each going separate ways to start their routines, but Chewie kept an eye on Kylo. The younger man was going through his usual routine and anyone who didn’t know him would assume this was the norm. Silent, focussed, blocking out the world around him. It certainly looked like the way he would normally be, but Chewie saw him pushing too hard, too far with almost all of his routines, adding more sets, more reps. After a couple of hours had passed and Chewie had completed his own routine, he headed over to where Kylo was now running and turned off the treadmill. Kylo pulled out his headphones and Chewie heard something loud and fast paced, more crashing and screaming than actual music, at least to his mind. Kylo whipped round, accusing Chewie of interrupting, but Chewie just waited until his complaints died down and shrugged. 

 

‘You did extra with everything else. Let’s go shower and get a coffee or something.’ He turned and walked out of the gym, heading back to the changing rooms without looking back to see if Kylo was following, but once they reached the showers his hunch was proved right. Kylo stood beside him, undressing and dumping his workout gear on a bench before stepping under the hot water and closing his eyes. Chewie smirked at his almost blissed out expression under the water before stepping under the shower beside his sponsee and squeezing shower gel into his hand. ‘How long since you last did this?’ They were alone, he might as well start working out Kylo’s current levels of self care - it would help him ascertain how bad things really were. 

 

‘Few days… A week maybe, I don’t know.’ Kylo kept his eyes closed, just standing under the water until Chewie elbowed him and passed him the shower gel. 

 

‘Right. Pretty long time to go without a shower.’ He commented,

 

‘I washed,’ Kylo objected and Chewie rolled his eyes. 

 

‘Deodorant doesn’t count as washing,’ Chewie said and Kylo grunted, stepping out of the shower and wrapping his towel around him. Neither man spoke again until they were dry and sitting in the hotel’s coffee shop. ‘Sit down, I’ll get it,’ Chewie broke the silence, nodding to an empty table. Kylo listened and soon enough Chewie was walking over with two large mugs of hot chocolate.

 

‘Coffee or something?’ Kylo enquired and Chewie smiled broadly.

‘This is or something. Everyone likes hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows, especially if you’re not feeling great.’ Kylo rolled his eyes, but sipped the sugary drink anyway. ‘Right, listen kid,’ Chewie began,

 

‘If you say it gets better I’ll throw this,’ Kylo said flatly, still holding the mug.

 

‘Less threatening with cream mustache there Kylo.’ Chewie told him, ‘Ok maybe things are bleak, but could it get worse?’ 

 

Kylo covered his mouth with his hand, wiping his face as he did. ‘Always,’ he muttered and Chewie nodded.

 

‘So be thankful for that, and work on making sure it doesn’t happen. Small steps.’ He slurped his own hot chocolate noisily as Kylo looked down, gaze fixed on his own mug around which his hands were wrapped once more. His leg bounced under the table and Chewie noticed the pallor of his skin and the slight tremor in his hand that he was keeping just barely controlled as he gripped the mug. A wash of paleness appeared suddenly and Kylo swallowed, putting down the mug. His trembling left hand was obvious now that it wasn’t in use.  ‘How long since you had a drink?’ he asked quietly. Kylo didn’t look up as he responded. 

 

‘Yesterday.’ Chewie smiled gently at the man in front of him, extending a hand to take Kylo’s left in his. 

 

‘There’s a meeting today. Got some newcomers, so I’m running them, daily for the next couple weeks. It’d be good to see you.’ 

 

‘Maybe. I have work.’ Kylo said, non-commital. 

 

‘Then a different day. You can bring the girls along, Lumpy’s visiting so he’ll’

 

‘I lost them.’ Kylo said bluntly, pulling his hand back and Chewie’s heart sank,

 

‘Oh, kid, I’m sorry,’ Chewie paused, unsure of what to say. ‘Do you want to tell me what happened? I thought things were getting better?’ 

 

‘Yeah - I,’ Kylo looked away. ‘They were. I- I pissed off my social worker.’ He said quietly and Chewie frowned.

 

‘Whatever you tell me is confidential. You can tell me what actually happened.’ Kylo shifted uncomfortably, glancing around at the other patrons of the cafe.

 

‘I can’t,’ he said eventually, ‘not because I don’t trust  _ you  _ I- I don’t you getting mixed up in this.’ Chewie scowled, stretching and baring the scars that marked his arms. 

 

‘I’ve been mixed up in more than you could imagine, you don’t need to protect me son.’ He sat back, arms folded. ‘There’s an order to things you know. Someone helped me time ago, now I’m going to help you. You don’t get a choice in that.’ That was a risk, but one he hoped would pay off. When it didn’t and Kylo stood, leaving cash on the table to cover the drink Chewie fully intended to pay for himself, he cursed himself. Pushed too hard. He stood, leaving enough to cover his drink too and chased Kylo out of the building. 

 

‘Just leave me alone,’ Kylo demanded, whirling round to face him. ‘You don’t understand what’s happening, you  _ can’t  _ help. No one can.’ He turned and began to walk off, but Chewie called after him.  

 

‘I want to help. So does that girl,’ That worked. Kylo span on the spot, trudging back over and planting his feet in front of his sponsor, arms folded. ‘What girl?’ he demanded. Chewie grinned. 

 

‘Come to a meeting and I’ll tell you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I didn't update on Friday, and I'm using up my saved chapters because I am a very busy person right now. My sister just moved up here for Uni and she has ASC so needs a lot of support when it comes to transitions and then school is also nuts so I am doing a lot and have no time to write :( HOWEVER I hope you guys still love Chewie. I've developed him a fair amount past what we see in Star Wars because I needed to but I really like his relationship with Ben it's nice and positive. Also i crowbarred in another moment from the films because I have no self restraint.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology) and if you love reylo fic check out [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) for loads of talented authors and a huge range of stories. 
> 
> Thank you so much everyone who has commented. This fic is getting more comments than anything I've written before and I am loving it!


	23. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo actually manages to hold a reasonable conversation with his sisters at contact this week. Unfortunately Snoke also works in that building.

Kylo held the 24 hour chip in his palm, feeling the weight of the cold metal. He had another contact session with the girls this afternoon. He wouldn’t drink until after that, he told himself. He wouldn’t show up drunk. He had messed up last time, he knew that. Reading around he had seen that though he was probably not a suitable guardian or a good influence, if he just left it would hurt them more. He could do it gradually - talk to Snoke about cutting down the amount of time so that they could find someone good for them who would be able to give them a proper home. Snoke would agree, he thought bitterly, anything that brought him pain was usually something Snoke would agree to. He gripped the chip, shoving his hand into his pocket as he walked into the shop to find painkillers. 

When he reached the social services offices, it was Phasma again waiting for him. ‘Back again, Ren?’ she asked flippantly. ‘We were expecting a no show after last week’s performance. Not sure the girls are as excited this time,’ she said, a polite smile on her face for the CCTV that operated in every room in the building. Kylo scowled and walked past her into the corridor that would lead to whichever room the girls were in. ‘Blue room,’ she called after him and he pushed the door open. May and Annie were drawing when he arrived, kneeling beside the coffee table, their shoulders hunched over the pictures they were drawing. They looked up when he entered and he forced himself to smile. The expression on their faces told him it hadn’t worked, so he let his face fall back into a frown and went to sit on the floor beside them. 

‘Hi,’ he began. May looked back down at her picture, ignoring him. Annie still looked up at him through his mother’s dark eyes. He swallowed. ‘I messed up last time, huh?’ he asked, keeping his tone casual. ‘I should have stayed, I’m sorry.’

‘You’re always sorry,’ May said suddenly, looking up with eyes blazing. ‘You still do stupid stuff that makes us sad.’ Annie said nothing, but glanced sideways at her sister. Her silence spoke volumes and Kylo looked down, ashamed..

‘Yeah, I guess that’s true. I-’ he stopped. If they already didn’t like him then what was the point in drawing out the separation. Don’t you fucking dare. Stay and do what you planned.’ The small voice in his head admonished. ‘I’m going to try to do better, ok?’ May frowned, but nodded. He felt Annie lean against him, small arms barely reaching halfway across him as she hugged him. 

‘I missed you,’ she muttered into his side and he pulled her up onto his lap. 

‘I miss you too Annie,’ He said, pressing a kiss into her hair. The smell of her made him tear up, but he blinked the tears away stubbornly. May watched, her small lips pressed together as though she were wrestling with the worlds greatest questions. After a while she spoke again. ‘Daddy said people are allowed mistakes,’ she began quietly. Kylo looked up from Annie, but didn’t speak, waiting for May to finish her thought. ‘And everyone can come home if they want, even if they did bad things’ Kylo swallowed painfully and looked over at her. That confirmed it, then, his parent’s opinion of him had never exactly been positive, but he thought maybe they could see the grey. No. Of course not, it was his fault, it always was, it always had been… That was irrelevant. His parents were dead and he had a responsibility to his sisters.

‘I’ll try.’ he promised, ‘I’m going to try to get you home ok. Whatever it takes.’ he took a shakey breath and May nodded shuffling closer to where he and Annie sat. He reached out and pulled her in against him, holding his small family together the only way he knew how in that moment. 

Bringing the girls home would mean doing things he wasn’t comfortable with, but right now they were all that mattered. 

The rest of the session passed quietly but enjoyably. He had brought the book The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe and continued to read the story they had been halfway through. When the time was over Phasma escorted the girls out, asking him to wait behind until they were out of the building which he did grudgingly. 

The small blue room was silent and dim aside from the glowing eye of the security camera in the corner. He glanced around at the things that had been put into the room to make it seem like a space for family to be together. How many people had been locked here without hope? How many had been driven to despair by the falsity of the comfortable old sofa, chairs and television? How many people had said their last goodbyes in this room? He shook his head slightly, standing and beginning to pace on the small navy rug that lay at the centre of the room. Snap out of it. He told himself. You’ll get them back. You promised, you promised them and you promised Mum they’d be ok. He had made that promise at her grave, fists clenching into the dirt as he tried to make amends where none could be made. ‘I promise,’ he had forced out between sobs, ‘I’ll keep them safe, I’ll do what I have to do to make sure they’re ok,’ He would have to do that now. He didn’t know what Snoke would ask of him, but he knew he would do it.

Even as he thought about Snoke, the door handle turned. He whirled around to see the man standing before him, his expression dark. ‘Tico missed another payment.’ He said simply, watching for Kylo’s reaction. He had lowered his gaze, as was typical. Pathetic, but a pleasant sign of his subservience nonetheless. Aside from his small act of deference the younger man didn’t move. Snoke cleared his throat and walked across to lift the man’s chin with his finger, forcing him to meet his eyes. ‘I need your assistance. Truly this time, no games. You go and you make sure she knows she will not cross me,’

‘She has a child, I-’

‘I’m not asking you to harm a child, Kylo,’ he saw the man’s eyes dart up towards a camera that Snoke had turned off before entering the room. Still, it didn’t hurt for Kylo to feel he was being watched; another layer of paranoia to keep him on the edge; another layer of leverage to be used when appropriate.

‘She’d be there, I can’t-’

Snoke raised a hand and Kylo stopped talking. He suppressed a smile at how well trained the boy was. An obedient beast brought in line by his expert hand. He spoke slowly, calmly, but threat was laced through every word like a poison. ‘You’ll find a way, Kylo. You always do.’ Kylo nodded dumbly and Snoke smiled at him, an expression any outsider might view as affectionate. ‘There. Not so difficult,’ he turned to leave, but stopped in the doorway. ‘There’s a meeting I expect you to be at. Monday at the school; that girl will be there.’ Kylo frowned at Snoke’s back,

‘Wha-’  
‘A case review. Child Planning meeting, both at once probably. The girls can’t stay in foster care forever, we need to look for some sort of permanent home don’t you think? For their sake.’ 

Something snapped in Kylo. He started forwards, getting in front of Snoke as he headed down the corridor and planting himself in the way of his tormentor. ‘They have a permanent home.’ He said, standing his ground even as his voice cracked. Snoke folded his arms, looking pointedly at the light of the camera flashing from the ceiling to their left. It wasn’t recording but Kylo didn’t need to know that. 

‘Kylo, I understand that you’re angry and you miss your sisters but we have to think about what’s right for them,’ he started, following a script for dealing with slighted guardians in an almost bored tone. ‘I will be suggesting you as an option at the meeting, but I’ll need some proof that you are changing your ways and that you could, with support, provide a suitable home.’ He maintained eye contact, refusing to be intimidated. This was posturing. Snoke was still in control, there was no doubt about that. This was just a waiting game. And if Kylo did try anything he would lose his sisters, there was no question of that. He glanced at his watch. ‘I do have places to be you know.’ He said mildly, maintaining his patient facade. A few more moments though and he would have to think of some more serious consequence for this act of rebellion. 

‘I’ll see you on Monday,’ Kylo broke and turned, walking out of the building, his hands stuffed into his pockets. He felt the cool metal of the chip against his bruised knuckles and thought of his sisters on their way back to a stranger’s house. Just today. He could manage that, just one day. Hell, one hour. That could be his target. One hour and then try another, that was all. He’d go to the meeting sober. He’d do what he needed to do to keep Snoke happy and he’d sort out his place so the girls could come back. Chewie had given him some benzo to fight withdrawal symptoms when he had been insistent about not visiting a doctor. He could do this.

Filled with good intentions he pulled into the parking spot opposite his building and walked across. Some guy was standing outside, scrolling through his phone. Kylo ignored the older man and went to unlock the door, but when the man glanced up from his phone he quickly placed it into his blazer pocket and cleared his throat.

‘Kylo Ren?’ He asked. Kylo nodded, keeping his expression neutral but preparing to run if he needed to. He waited for the man to continue. ‘I’m looking for my granddaughters, are they still living with you?’ Kylo furrowed his brow. He didn’t have a grandfather that he knew knew of, not really. His Mum’s parents had died in a house fire when he was still very young, and as far as he knew Han’s parents had died years ago. 

‘My sisters don’t live here anymore,’ he said, gripping the chip in his pocket. ‘I don’t know any grandfather,’ He stopped. He was being stupid, he did know about their grandparents. This must be his biological grandfather, Anakin. He put the key back in the lock and opened the door, turning his back on the man. He had heard stories about Anakin; things he shouldn’t have been listening to discussed in low voices after he was in bed. The man who had set his mother’s house on fire when she had refused to have anything to do with him. The cop who had had some kind of breakdown and shot civilians, winding up in prison. He had heard hushed arguments between Luke and his mother - ‘He’s changed, he wants to meet you,’

‘He hasn’t changed if he thinks I could even be in the same room as him after what he did.’ 

‘Leia…’

The conversations had changed later on. The same tone, the same grandfather but this time they were about him.  
‘I just don’t want him to turn out like…’

‘Leia don’t,’ 

‘He’s so much like him. He looks so similar, don’t you think?’

Young Ben had hidden from the voices, shutting them out, but now they were in the front of his mind, vivid and real. His mother’s voice was like she was still there. He leant against the door of his flat and let himself slide down it, staring into his lifeless home. He would probably end up in prison, like his grandfather. If he did what Snoke wanted, if he hurt the Tico woman, why wouldn’t he? Hux wouldn’t go to the police because they had history. He had only ever been a thorn in the side of his next victim. He let himself breath out a sob that shook his whole body, the reminder of his own perpetual failure too much to bear. He reached into his other pocket and pulled out the flask he had stowed just in case, letting the liquor burn his throat as he took a gulp. Better. He turned around and walked back down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok now Anakin's here! Hooray! I am vastly differing from canon here because OBVIOUSLY Leia and Anakin made up because her kids are named after him and Padme, but we'll investigate that later. Or next chapter, I'm out of my back up chapters now so idk how things will progress. I have an outline but minutiae and flashbacks are not so much included. Life's a mystery. ANYWAYS. I had a much better week at work and have nowhere near as much to do this weekend so hopefully I'll have another chapter done by Monday and can update then.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has commented and left kudos - I was super busy this week and didn't get to reply to comments yet but I did read them and they made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Also I reached 300 kudos - another first! 
> 
> Come visit me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology) and check out [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/) for a huge variety of great fics!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey attends the Child Planning Meeting (CPM) for Annie and May, along with key figures from Kylo's past. 
> 
> The abbreviation ECO refers to an Emergency Care Order - basically a warrant required to instantly remove children from the care of their current guardian.

Rey woke up and rolled over to check the time. ‘Ah crap,’ she complained croakily as she saw the glowing numbers 5:42 on her alarm clock. Three minutes until it went off. There was little point trying to get back to sleep then. She grabbed the glass of water from her bedside table and drank it, gulping down the water in an attempt to make up for the fact that she had barely slept through the night.

 

She had the CPM today.

 

Kylo would be there. 

 

She still wasn’t sure how she would deal with that - would she have to pretend that nothing had happened between them? She could probably do that; maintain a professional exterior even if she was desperate to explain herself.  _ If I had known I wouldn’t have just left. I wouldn’t have abandoned you when you lost them.  _ Now was not the time for regrets and remorse though. She was going to help him, one way or another, but today would be crucial in that. She had a chance to convince everyone that he was capable of caring for the girls; that he deserved them back. That depended on Snoke though - she knew that this meeting wouldn’t end with the girls going home to their brother, but at the very least she could start to lay the groundwork. 

 

Her alarm sounded and she stretched her arms up over her head, groaning slightly as her muscles loosened up. She padded across the room to the spot where she had left her clothes the previous night and began to get dressed. Ah shit. The top needed ironing. She pulled on her robe and wandered across to where her ironing board stood in front of the living room window. She stared out onto the street for a moment, watching the rain fall onto the pavement below, before lifting the iron and dragging it across the top. It was the perfect shirt, she mused as she ironed it, casual enough that she could wear it while crawling around on the floor after her kids, but formal enough that it would be fine for her meeting. 

 

She slipped off her robe and tugged it on, tucking it neatly into her trousers before heading back to her room to quickly apply mascara and cover up any blemishes she could see. She didn’t often bother with makeup, but she had a meeting today. She had to look professional, she told herself. There was no other motive behind her titivating. She pulled back half of her hair, keeping it out of her face but leaving enough down that she liked how it looked. She checked her phone. How the hell was it already 6:15? She scrambled to find her keys and left her bedroom for the final time. In the kitchen she tapped her foot as she waited for the kettle to boil. When it finally did she poured the water over the teabag in her travel mug, leaving a few minutes for it to steep before she pulled it out and added a splash of milk. She grabbed the overnight oats she had prepared from the fridge alongside her packed lunch and left the flat. 6:28 - pretty good. She plugged her phone into the aux cable in her car and turned her music on as she drove. She would be at school by 7:00; plenty of time to get organised. 

 

The morning dragged on and on. The children seemed incapable of grasping simple concepts in her phonics lesson and she found herself wanting to bang her head against the wall when for the fifth time Britta read o-w as seperate letters rather than the ‘ow’ sound she was trying to teach. Once again she patiently sounded out the word, glancing over at the clock to see if break time was approaching. ‘D-ow-n’ she repeated, holding the card for the child to read. ‘Down,’ Britta finally said and Rey could have dropped her head to the table in exhaustion. She didn’t, she just smiled tightly at the girl and congratulated her before standing from the teacher lead station and clapping her hands to stop the children. 

 

As usual it took three or four clapped rhythms for the children to actually clap back, stop, look and listen, but once she had almost everyone focussed, she began giving instructions for each table to tidy up what they had been using and go and get ready for breaktime. Five minutes to the bell. Fifteen minutes to the meeting. Laura was covering her lesson after break so she had left detailed notes on her desk about who should be doing what, and what level of support everyone would need. 

The children were crabby today, arguing in the line and telling tales about the smallest thing; the bell was a relief when it finally went and she could open her classroom door and let them out. She went over to her desk, straightening the instructions and piles of worksheets for what felt like the hundredth time before quickly checking her emails. Nothing new - no changes to the situation. She would wait for Laura to come and relieve her then head into the meeting. She hadn’t been given a list of the people who would attend, but she could only assume Kylo would be there. She checked her phone in an attempt to distract herself but for once there were no notifications. She wandered across the hall to Finn’s room, but he wasn’t there. 

 

He must have been in the staffroom, probably messing around with Poe and whatever random props were left there from the upper school play last week. She groaned pulled out the teacher’s report she had written. It wasn’t really anything special, just saying that the girls had struggled to settle but were doing better, but that they had both been very angry following their removal to foster care and said they wanted to go back home with their brother. Educationally they were on track, though the lack of consistency in their home lives had obviously had an impact and work over recent weeks had been less than their best, they were bright kids and she was sure once they were in a permanent placement they’d calm down and continue to make good progress. 

 

She checked the clock. 10:43. The bell would go any second; it was always a minute or so early for some reason. Probably because of the amount of time it took the children to line up, but it still felt like she was being robbed of a minute of the fifteen she should have. Today that was just fine. She wanted to get this meeting over with. Seeing Kylo would be difficult; she hadn’t even considered the fact that she would see Snoke. 

 

That thought hit her like a bulldozer, but the bell went before she could recover. She plastered a smile onto her face and opened the door, letting the children file past in dribs and drabs, rubbing their hands as they came in from the cold. She crouched to talk through a few nonsense arguments that had occured with the relevant children, offering stern words and soft smiles as appropriate, squeezing shoulders to comfort those with bumps and bruises before turning to find Laura standing in the doorway. 

 

‘The planning’s on the desk.’ she told her colleague before turning to who class who were now mostly devoid of coats and hats and sat on the carpet expectantly, ‘Be good for Miss McIntock, I’ll be back soon. You can show her all your brilliant listening skills,’ she enthused before turning to her desk, face falling back to blank from the smiling ‘teacher’ mask. She picked up her notebook and forms and headed out of the classroom, down the long corridor towards the meeting room. 

 

Classroom doors stood open, the sounds of children working or teachers explaining things drifting out, breaking the silence of her long walk. Her shoes were too loud. She heard her own quick footsteps echoing back to her as she got closer and closer to the man she could have been happy with, but who she would now need to sit across from awkwardly as a group of relative strangers, including a man who had abused him from childhood, discussed the slow and painful dismemberment of his life and his family.  

 

She reached the door, knocking once to signal her presence before pushing it open. Everyone else was already there. There were four people already around the table, only one of whom she recognised. Kylo was slumped in his seat, unshaven and unwashed, wearing the same clothes she had seen him in when she had bumped into him at the supermarket. He had glanced up when she entered the room, some strange imploring expression fleeting across his face as time stood still for a moment before he looked down again, breaking eye contact. The only chair empty was opposite Kylo. She pulled it out quickly and sat down. ‘Sorry I’m late. I had to stay with my class until somebody came to releive me-’ The woman at the head of the table waved a hand. 

 

‘Totally understandable Ms. Niima, we’ll get started once you’re ready.’ Rey nodded her agreement and the woman continued. ‘My name is Mrs Tano, I’ll be the facilitator for this meeting. I’m also the Guardian Ad Litem for May and Annie,’ she paused, taking in Kylo’s blank expression, ‘I’m legally responsible for the girls while they stay with Ms. Sloane. It’s my role to make sure that the girls are safe and that their voices are heard when it comes to making this decision.’ She explained. ‘We’ll begin with introductions around the table, starting with Mr Snoke round to Dr. Skywalker,’ 

 

Rey’s interest piqued at that name. Uncle Luke, perhaps? The man sitting beside her wore a comfortable looking jumper and jeans, contrasting with Snoke’s obviously expensive suit, and a placid expression. He didn’t seem to be the monster Kylo had painted him as. She studied him subtley out of the corner of her eye as Snoke introduced himself - the social worker in charge of the case - but looked up as Kylo introduced himself.

 

His eyes remained fixed on the table. ‘Kylo Ren, I’m Annie and May’s brother and guardian. I  _ was  _ their guardian.’ He looked up, but his gaze found Luke rather than seeking out Rey. ‘To avoid confusion I should tell you my real name, Ben Solo. He’ll use it anyway,’ he spat, eyes locked on his Uncle. Luke inclined his head, gazing back sternly. Mrs Tano looked between them critically taking in the situation. 

 

‘If we can keep hostility to a minimum that would be the best way forward, for the sake of the girls.’ She reprimanded both men quietly. Luke demured instantly, but Kylo still glared, and Rey knew that his fist would be clenched beneath the table. Mrs Sloane introduced herself as the girls’ foster carer , then it was her turn to speak. 

 

‘I’m Miss Niima, Rey, I’m the girls’ class teacher,’ she turned to Luke even as Kylo’s eyes stayed fixed on his Uncle, waiting for him to explain his presence. 

 

‘Dr Luke Skywalker. I’m here as a potential carer for the girls when they move to permanency. I’ve been looking for my nieces for a while now, but Ben here has been eluding me. Fortunately my father was able to help me track them down.’ 

 

Kylo’s gaze whipped around to meet Snoke’s, wild eyed confusion obvious to everyone in the room. Snoke steepled his fingers resting them on his top lip. 

 

‘Kylo convinced me that the girls would not be safe in your care, that was an error on my part for which I apologise. Recent events have lead me to believe that you may be an appropriate placement after all. However,’ he opened his hands in a theatrical half shrug, ‘we are still in the beginning stages. Everything is subject to change right now, we’re just exploring options.’ 

 

‘Fuck that!’ Kylo exploded, standing suddenly, his chair scraping on the tiled floor as he did so. He pushed it aside, letting it fall to the ground as he walked over to the window, taking a minute to compose himself. Mrs Tano watched, noting the events on her laptop but saying nothing. ‘That’s bullshit. They should be with me, he just wants-’ He was staring at Luke who remained silent. Snoke stood, walking over to Kylo. 

 

‘This doesn’t help your case, Kylo. We have discussed the steps you can take to bring the girls home, but we need to be transparent when it comes to these things. This is just a meeting, come and sit down.’ He put his hand on Kylo’s shoulder and steered the man back towards the table, bending to pick up his seat before pushing Kylo back down into it. ‘Stop being childish,’ he murmured into Kylo’s ear. Kylo shrugged him off, folding his arms. Luke watched, concern and compassion clear in his furrowed brow. 

 

‘Thank you, Mr Solo,’ Mrs Tano said after what seemed like an age. ‘Now that we all know who everyone is we’ll move onto the reports. I’ll begin with the girls’  _ My Views  _ report which I discussed with them separately during a visit to Mrs Sloane’s house.’ She looked around the room to ensure everyone was keeping up before continuing. ‘The girls are well looked after with Mrs Sloane, though they were both clear they would prefer to stay with their brother, and they have been enjoying her cooking. Annie likes to draw when she’s at home, or play in the garden with May, May likes to play in the garden or build things with lego. They’re both enjoying school, but Annie said she’s sad she doesn’t see Ms Niima outside of school, and both children feel they’re healthy. When I asked them where they’d like to stay they were both clear they wanted to live with Kylo, though Annie told me she’d like to live with kylo and Ms Niima. I understand the two of you were close?’ She looked up from the report, gaze passing between Rey and Kylo. Rey cleared her throat to speak. 

 

‘We live close to one another, I was helping Kylo out with the girls while he was unwell. It became unprofessional and I removed myself from the situation.’ Eyebrows around the table raised, but Kylo nodded his agreement and Mrs Tano made a note. 

 

‘It sounds like that was the best course of action. Now, Mr Snoke I wanted to discuss your report, specifically with regards to the girls’ removal. It seems to me that neither of them are scared of their brother and that there is a secure, loving relationship between them. Could you shed some light on the ECO?’ 

 

Snoke nodded and pulled a report from his file, skimming through it. ‘Apologies, I handle a lot of cases so I need to refresh myself on the details of this one.’ Rey scoffed before she could stop herself, but managed to turn it into a cough. Snoke glanced up at her curiously, ‘Perhaps we should give Ms Niima a minute to get herself a glass of water,’ he said mildly, smiling over at her insidiously. 

 

‘I’m ok, thank you,’ Rey responded coldly and she was sure she saw a slight smirk tug at the corner of Kylo’s mouth before he returned his gaze sullenly to the ground.

 

‘Then I will continue,’ he said now speaking in an almost bored tone, ‘After receiving reports that Kylo was engaged in an ill-advised relationship with the girls’ class teacher, I decided to review his case again and found a pattern of alarmingly poor decision making on his part. That coupled with reports from the school that the girls were not wearing clean uniform and frequently forgot to bring snacks or lunches lead me to believe that Kylo was not up to the task of looking after the-’

 

He was interrupted by Luke speaking suddenly, voice filled with regret and concern ‘Ben, you should have contacted me. I could have helped with the girls, I-’

 

‘Like you  _ helped  _ with me?’ Kylo asked, barely holding himself together, ‘Like you helped my Mum to deal with me by sending me off to that hell-hole you taught at and not letting me see her? You’re not here to help me Luke, you can stop lying. You want to remove them from my bad influence, well tough shit, Snoke already fucking did that.’ His voice grew louder until he was shouting, but he finished with a quiet, bitten out statement. ‘You don’t need me here.’ He pushed his chair over behind him once more and stormed out of the room. Rey stood up to follow him, turning back to Mrs Tano. 

 

‘I’ll bring him back. He’ll listen to me.’ The guardian raised her eyebrow but motioned for Rey to leave the room. 

 

‘By all means. Mr Snoke and Dr Skywalker can explain the rest of the case to me. I read the file, but I am beginning to suspect that that was just the tip of the iceberg.’    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh ok so I didn't update on Monday, I got way too into Bates Motel and then it was too sad at the end and I had to just spend a day being sad about a different fictional murder-boy. One of the worst excuses I've ever had for not writing to be honest. 'Sorry I didn't do my work I was feeling too sad about Norman Bates and his brother' is not really an acceptable statement but this isn't work it's a hobby so whatever. I actually did work while I watched Bates Motel because i have to laminate and cut things out every waking minute at the moment.
> 
> I think I'll be posting once a week at the weekend from now on because work is a lot (I'm enjoying it, it's just a lot), and I'm commuting 40 minutes this year which gives me way less time to have a life outside of it.
> 
> ANYWAYS onto the story.... So Luke's here. I have decided on a few things with regards to Snoke, and Anakin told Luke where Ben was? What a dick. Or someone trying to help, but either way Kylo is not a happy bunny. Can Rey talk him down? Who knows. I haven't written next chapter yet so not even me! 
> 
> Ok I wrote about being sad about Bates Motel and now I'm sad again why this brain? Why?
> 
> My [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reylo-ology) is pretty much exclusively dumb Star Wars memes and Reylo content come check it out?
> 
> For a huuuuuge range of reylo fic by talented authors come see us in [The Writing Den](https://thereylowritingden.tumblr.com/)! House Crylo is the best and I am obviously not biased or overly invested in angst at all.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey follows Kylo out of the building and they finally get some alone time! I can't think of a way this conversation could possibly go wrong.

Rey hurried down the corridor, half running as she scanned for any sign of Kylo up ahead. The few children she passed shot her confused looks, unused to seeing a teacher running in the corridors, but she didn’t care. She reached the main door as it swang shut, caught it with her foot and rushed out through the foyer into the chilly November air. She pulled her jacket closed around her as she continued to walk. He must be here somewhere, he had just come through the door. She stopped, scanning the area; he was a big guy, he shouldn’t be able to skulk this easily, but somehow he managed. She turned as if to go back inside, hoping it might prompt him to move from wherever he had secreted himself, but as she did she spotted him.

 

Rushing to where he leant, back against the wall, shoulders hunched as he stood with one hand covering his mouth, other arm wrapped around himself in some vague facsimile of a comforting presence. She stopped just short of him, unsure of how to proceed. At work she was always so calm and collected; she had even managed to maintain professional composure in that shit-show of a meeting. Now she didn’t know what to say, or who to be. Emotional honesty didn’t come easily to a woman who had spent her whole childhood learning to hide any kind of emotion outside of genial gratitude to stave off punishment. She cleared her throat.

 

‘I shouldn’t have just left,’ she started, unsure of where she was going. ‘It’s not… it’s not relevant right now, but we should be on the same page. I know that wasn’t ok.’

  
Kylo looked up, eyes half closed against the bright winter sun, bright with unshed tears. He swallowed before speaking, voice hoarse. ‘It was a lot… in one day, it was-’ his lip quirked in a joyless half-smile, ‘not ideal,’

 

‘No.’ Rey agreed. The two stod in silence for a minute before Kylo9 spoke again. 

 

‘You should go back in there. They might- the girls might stay in your class, you should know what’s happening to them.’ He avoided eye contact again and Rey sighed, irritation welling in her gut.

 

‘So you’re not even going to try?’ She asked, incredulous, ‘You want them with you don’t you? Why aren’t you fighting for them?’ 

 

Kylo shook his head. ‘That’s not the fight. This meeting, it’s just- it’s a formality. If a decision’s been made it’s been made already. If it hasn’t this isn’t how I change things.’ He shrugged, half heartedly. ‘I can’t be in that room with him,’

 

‘Snoke?’ Rey asked and Kylo lifted his gaze to meet hers. 

 

‘Why would you think that?’ 

 

‘Hux told me,’ she reached forward, taking his hand. He looked down, conflicting emotions chasing each other across his face, ‘He told me everything, Ben, I can help-’

‘Hux doesn’t know the half of it.’ Kylo snapped, pulling his hand back, ‘I don’t need help, I can do this. I know what I have to do.’ 

 

Rey frowned, examining Kylo for a minute. ‘You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to-’

 

‘Don’t,’ he interrupted, standing suddenly and moving as if to stride past her. She stepped into his path. ‘Rey, there’s no point me being here. I’m not going back into that meeting.’

 

Rey sighed, ‘Look he’s a dick, but you’ve had meetings with him before. He’s your social-’

 

‘Luke. I’m not going back in there with Luke, he’s  _ trying  _ to piss me off and make me lose them, I can’t be in there, I’ll do something stupid, you don’t under-’

 

‘So talk to me,’ Rey interrupted, stepping closer. ‘I know you’re scared of losing them, I know Snoke’s a dick, I still don’t get this thing with your Uncle. I read up on him, Kylo, he’s highly respected in his field, his school was doing a lot of good to a lot of people before-’

 

‘It wasn’t a good place.’ He stared down at her, something blazing behind his eyes. ‘I was one of the group that di it, burned it, before we ran away. He found me, of course, refused to press charges just kept looking for an ‘alternative solution’.’ He swallowed painfully, eye twitching. ‘Snoke.’ He clarified before continuing, ‘The whole situation was fucked. He’s not a good judge of character. He wouldn’t keep them safe.’

 

Rey paused, clenching her jaw as she continued to chase Kylo’s gaze, forcing him to look her in the ey. ‘What happened? You don’t just burn down a building and run off without a reason, something must have happened.’ 

 

‘I can’t-’ he stopped, taking a breath as he realised Rey was not going to let this drop. ‘Iwent to him, there was a teacher there- It wasn’t just me, it was a few of us, but he didn’t believe me. Said the others would have to come forward, and I was just trying to cause problems again. The others they… They had other ideas. I was angry, I was already fucking angry with him before all of that started and with my mother. They just dumped me there. I was twelve years old, I just wanted-’ He blinked back the tears glistening in his eyes, looking down. When he spoke again his voice was quiet, almost inaudible.’I just wanted my Dad to come home. I wanted to be with him and my Mum and just have a normal family,’

 

A lump rose in Rey’s throat. She could understand that all too well. She thought about the long nights in a bed that wasn’t hers, not really, waiting and hoping that it would pass uneventfully. She reached out her hand, taking Kylo’s in hers. ‘I know,’ she said quietly. ‘I feel it too,’ she told him, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. ‘Let’s go back inside. We can fix this,’ 

 

Kylo shook his head, ‘I can’t, Rey. It’s not going to help anything, I know what I have to do.’ he repeated, and Rey felt her stomach turn. ‘Kylo you can’t-’

‘What choice do I have?’ He cut her off, ‘I can’t let them go to Luke.’ 

 

‘Ben,  _ please,’  _ She called after him as he walked away, ‘Please don’t go this way,’ she murmured trying to stop the tears streaming down her cheeks. She took a minute to compose herself, wiping her cheeks furiously and blinking rapidly before heading back inside. Ms Tano, Snoke and Luke stood in the entrance hall. 

 

‘Well?’ Snoke asked, false concern laced through every word, ‘Has Ben decided to rejoin us or is he not as invested as we believed.’ 

 

‘Fuck you.’ Rey burst out, surprising even herself. Ms Tano frowned and opened her mouth to speak, but Rey cut her off. ‘You know exactly what he’s doing and why. I’ll send a report to the next meeting, I won’t sit in a room with you again.’ 

 

‘Ms Niima, it would probably be wise to try to detach yourself from this,’ Luke spoke quietly, ‘Ben can be very volatile-’

 

‘So can I.’ She interrupted him. ‘I have to get back to class.’ She turned on her heel and left the small group. She would find out the outcome of the meeting, and doubtless face the consequences of her actions when the minutes were sent.

 

Fury bubbled through her like hot tar, sticky in her veins as she continued through her day. Ignoring concerned questions from Finn, she rushed off once her children were seen safely  through the narrow door out to the playground, bursting into Hux’s classroom as he straightened out the already seemingly perfect stationary table in the corner of the room. ‘Can I help?’ he asked mildly, not turning to see her. ‘I assume this is about that disastrous CPM?’ Rey fumed, pacing in the doorway.

 

‘He’s going to do something stupid and no-one is helping him,’ she fumed, ‘ _ I  _ know what’s happening,  _ you  _ know what’s happening, so do Poe and Finn and no-one is doing anything. I spoke to him in private today, he’s going to listen to that arseho-’

 

She stopped as Hux strode across the way and directly into her way as she paced, planting his feet and clearing his throat. ‘What exactly do you propose we do?’ His voice remained level, but something in his expression betrayed his frustration. ‘Reasoning with Kylo has never been anything but a waste of time, what else-’

 

‘Go to the police. Tell them everything you know about Snoke and put an end to all of this,’ A voice interrupted from the doorway. Rey turned to see Poe leaning in the doorframe, the door to his own classroom open behind him. She nodded her agreement, but Hux shook his head.

 

‘You know it isn’t that simple.’ He stated, looking over Rey to meet Poe’s gaze. ‘We’ve discussed this, Poe. It’s not black and white. If I go to the police then I’ll lose my job. Snoke has information on me that-’

 

‘So you’re just a coward then?’ Rey asked, fists clenched at her sides. ‘Fine. I’ll go myself.’

 

‘Rey, stop.’ Hux called as she started out of the room. ‘You go to the police Kylo goes to prison. Snoke has a get out clause for everything, he’s not just going to roll over and let you win. We need to think about this more strategically.’ 

 

‘He’s right,’ Poe said, walking into the room and grabbing a whiteboard pen. ‘We have to make a plan. What do we know?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a minute... Sorry gang. However, in my defense.... I have none. 
> 
> I have a long commute these days so while my new job is great and I love my tiny class (18 kids I'm so blessed like w-o-w) I'm basically out of the house 12/15 hours a day and just sleeping/working when I'm home. 
> 
> Finally got the chance to sit down this weekend and finish up this chapter + map out the rest of the story properly. We're in the home stretch you guys! 
> 
> (Also I started writing a gothic novel during half term so if metaphors get over the top I apologise, I've been writing in a different style!)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey, Poe and Finn come up with a plan. Kylo heads out on his mission.

‘Ok, so we’re agreed?’ Poe asked, the board behind him covered in barely legible scribbles connected by myriad lines and arrows, question marks and exclamation marks strewn throughout. ‘We go to Paige’s?’ Sitting on the desks at the front of Hux’s otherwise ordered classroom, Rey and Finn nodded. 

 

‘It’s the only thing that makes sense, right?’ Finn turned to Rey, checking she was onboard with the idea. ‘

 

She pressed her lips together, the anger she had been filled with numbed by a desperate sadness at the situation outlined on the board. ‘Yeah, we need to go to Paige’s. Did you ring Rose?’ Finn showed her the screen of his phone where a text conversation confirmed that Rose would meet them there. She pushed herself off the table and grabbed her coat and bags without looking back at her friends and left the room. Finn and Poe exchanged glances and followed, Poe pulling out his own phone and dialing Hux as he did. 

 

‘Still waiting for you to let me know what the fuck you’re doing Tidge,’ He said to what Finn assumed must be Hux’s answer machine, ‘we’re heading to Paige’s to stop him, you should be there. I’ll text the address, see you there.’ He hung up and shook his head to himself, muttering insults about stuck up non-communicative automaton pricks who don’t understand how to be human. Finn squeezed his shoulder and the two continued after Rey. 

 

***

 

Kylo stalked down the street, gloved hands thrust into his pockets, gaze cast toward the ground.  _ It’s the only way,  _ he told himself,  _ the only way to move forward, you can do this.  _ He glanced around before stepping sideways into a private carpark, walking carefully to avoid the cones he knew were watched by security cameras.

  
  


***

 

Paige answered her door, hair wet from the shower, a child’s book in one hand. ‘Finn, Rey, hi,’ she started a little perplexed, ‘And… your friend?’ She smiled at Poe, waiting for him to introduce himself. 

‘Poe,’ he supplied and she nodded, expression remaining puzzled. 

 

‘So is anyone going to explain why I’m suddenly having a party I didn’t know about? I’m kind of busy right now, I have a shift in a couple of hours and I’m trying to get everything sorted for when Rose comes by to babysit.’

 

‘We know who the guy is.’ Rey interrupted her, ‘it’s Kylo, he’s not- he’s a good guy, he’s just mixed up in a lot of shit. He’s coming by tonight, he’s desperate…’ Paige’s expression shifted as she spoke, from confused to frightened, to enraged and finally to devastated.

 

‘So what do I-’

 

‘We’re here to make sure nothing happens,’ Poe interjected. ‘Rose should be along soon, we let her know and Rey’s trying to get in touch with another friend of Kylo’s who might be coming too,’

 

‘So it’s an intervention?’ Paige folded her arms, leaning in the doorway blocking their path. ‘For the arsehole who’s been harassing me, and you’re holding it in my flat?’

 

‘We maybe didn’t think this part through as much as we should have,’ Poe admitted, looking back to Rey who grimaced.

 

‘Sorry, Paige I didn’t think. We can wait for him in the hall then go someplace else if that’s better?’  Paige smirked at Rey, standing up and moving out of the way. 

 

‘You’re lucky i like you Niima,’ she walked into the flat, gesturing for the rest of them to follow. They traipsed in, Rey glancing at her phone. No response as of yet from Chewie, but he would hopefully join them soon. She sat down on the couch and the rest of them found spaces around the flat to sit. Finn headed into the kitchen and took over the cooking Paige had been doing while she went to bath her daughter. 

 

‘Tea, coffee?’ he called out and various people shouted their orders. Rey glanced at her phone again. Still nothing. 

 

***

Kylo thundered up the stairs, a mixture of booze and adrenaline keeping him moving. He knew the building well; knew that the security cameras on the stairs were usually switched off to save money; knew that the lift was more likely to break down than to actually reach the floor he needed; knew the faded green paint on the door he was looking for. Reaching that door he paused, clenching his fist, willing himself to knock. ‘You can do this,’ he muttered again, speaking to himself, ‘for the girls, it’s the only way forward.’ He raised his fist.

 

***

Bang, bang, bang. Three short knocks echoed through the flat. The occupants froze for a second before moving swiftly into action. Everyone leapt to their feet, preparing for any altercation that would follow. Finn turned off the stove and walked quickly to stand by the bathroom door, just in case, while Rey went to answer the door, Poe coming to stand behind her. 

 

‘You can do this,’ she murmured to herself,’he’ll have to listen, then we can sort all of this out.’

 

‘You got it,’ Poe responded, and she glanced round, almost surprised to see him there.

 

‘Uh, yeah. Sorry, talking to myself.’ She took a deep breath, psyching herself up but paused when she heard voices outside

 

***

 

No response. Kylo scowled and raised his hand to knock again. He was well used to waiting outside this door, he would knock until he got a response. ‘I wouldn’t bother,’ A voice spoke from behind him, and he turned to see a figure emerge from around the corner. 

 

‘Hux, what are-’ he began, furiously, but Hux held up a hand to stop him speaking. He waited.

 

***

‘There’s someone else out there,’ Rey whispered to Poe and he nodded. 

 

‘Ok, well no time like the present however many there are. Let’s get this done with.’ Rey nodded back and counted quietly,

 

‘Right. Ok. Three, two, one,’ she pulled the handle and pushed open the door.

 

‘Took you long enough,’ Rose told her, eyebrow raised. ‘Apparently you know this guy?’ Behind her Chewie raised a hand in greeting and Rey smiled tight lipped.

 

‘Yeah, yeah, sorry I thought it was-’

 

‘No sign of him yet then?’ Chewie rumbled,

 

‘No sign.’ she confirmed.

 

***

‘You can’t do this, Ren.’ Hux stated, tone almost bored. ‘It’s not worth it,’

 

‘Why do you give a shit?’ Kylo spat, hammering on the door again.

 

‘About you? God only knows,’ Hux admitted, ‘seems like I do though. I’m not going to let my brother go to prison over that merciless sociopath,’

 

‘We’re not related.’ Kylo replied bluntly, ‘get out of my way.’

 

Hux shrugged, ‘What else would you call this,’ he gestured between them, ignoring Kylo’s demand.

 

‘I- ok.’ The larger man paused, caught off guard. ‘What then? What can I do?’

 

‘I’d rule out murder if you actually want to see your sisters again,’ Hux intoned, watching Kylo calmly. The other man shook his head.

 

‘He has to die. This has to end.’

 

Hux rolled his eyes, ‘So dramatic, Ren.’

 

‘You don’t think the same? He ruined your life too,’

 

The smaller man shifted slightly, clasping his hands behind his back - an action Ben knew meant he was uncomfortable and forcing himself into a confident posture. ‘He didn’t really ruin my life. I’m in a job I enjoy with a partner I love. I occasionally do things I’m not totally comfortable with, but that’s a small price in comparison to the future I had to look forward to when I was with my father. I watched him ruin yours though. Don’t imagine that I hold him in any high regard just because he stopped my father from killing me.’

 

It was Ben’s turn to look uncomfortable. He froze, looking at ux in stunned silence for a moment before speaking quietly. ‘I didn’t- How did I not know about that?’ 

 

‘You spent the vast majority of your time under my roof drunk out of your mind and I’m a private person.’ Hux shrugged, ‘It wasn’t information you needed.’

 

‘And now?’

 

‘Now I need you to understand that we are not in the same position by any means, but that I understand and will help you if I can. We all will; me, Poe, Finn, Rey, Rose - all of us. Come back with me and we’ll think of something.’

 

‘I- no. I have to do this.’ Kylo insisted, pushing past the smaller man and barging through the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still writing this! Hello, here is a chapter!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is sticking with this despite the loooong break... so close to the end now - I'll try and update weekly.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Rey, Finn, Rose, Poe and Chewie wait to confront Kylo, Kylo makes his own discovery.

‘Well where is he then?’ Paige asked, looking around her living room exasperatedly. ‘There are five people in my house waiting for this guy and I’m about to leave for work. No offense, but I don’t even know some of you, I’m not sure I’m comfortable letting you all camp out here while my little girl’s sleeping.’ Rose looked at Rey expectantly, waiting for her to answer.

 

‘Honestly I have no idea,’ she scowled. She had been  certain he would come here; that was what Snoke had asked him to do and he had made it clear he didn’t see a future outside of obeying the other man. She looked at Finn who shrugged at her. 

 

‘Sorry Rey, no clue.’ 

 

‘This is ridiculous.’ Paige said, pulling on her comfy shoes and picking up her bag. ‘I need you gone when I get back.’ Rose followed her out into the corridor and the others stayed where they were. Poe tapped his phone screen, typing out yet another text to Hux that would remain unread for the next hour. 

 

‘I guess we could just go?’ he suggested after another fifteen minutes had quietly come and gone. Rose nodded. ‘Me and Finn’ll stay and call if he comes round. It’s late now though, I don’t think he’s coming.’  Chewie cleared his throat, speaking for the first time sincehe had arrived and settled himself into an armchair, his large frame barely contained by Paige’s furniture.

 

‘Im going to go round to his place, make sure he’s not done something stupid,’ the implication turned Rey’s stomach and she stood too. 

 

‘I’ll come with you.’ She grabbed the bag and coat she had hung beside the door and followed Chewie out into the hallway, turning back to shoot the people who remained a tired, empty smile. ‘Thanks for trying everyone. It means more than-’

 

Poe stopped her. ‘You’re family, Rey. Family helps out.’ Rey turned away, hiding the tears that had risen, unbidden to her eyes. 

 

‘I- yeah. Thanks anyway,’ she cleared her throat, ‘if you find out what Hux is doing let me know ok?’

 

‘Will do,’ Poe grabbed his own coat and bags and followed Chewie and Rey down the hall and out of the building, phone pressed to his ear as he tried yet again to contact his partner. 

 

***

Hux switched his phone to silent and followed Kylo into the office. The man stood frozen in front of the desk, turning to look back at Hux, brow furrowed. ‘I didn’t- you saw, I just-’

 

Hux smirked slightly at Kylo’s stunned expression. ‘A part of my frankness in our earlier conversation may also have been me stalling while former members of my late father’s organisation who still hold loyal to our family and to yours did me a small favour’ He walked around, tugging his gloves up to ensure all bare flesh was covered, and pulled Snoke’s ring from his finger and using it to unlock his unnecessarily elaborate filing cabinets. 

 

‘Your grandfather came across me in his search for the girls and when Rey explained what was happening with the Tico family I suggested to him that we might come to an arrangement that would benefit all involved.’

 

‘You said he helped you,’ Kylo said hoarsely, his gaze still fixed on the corpse slumped over the table.

 

‘He was hurting children.’ Hux stated, his back to Kylo as he rifled through file after file. ‘He’d started the process to get Jyn, a former student of mine, emancipated. It was becoming a farce and I couldn’t allow it to continue. Jyn’s a smart girl and her parents have done nothing wrong,’ he stepped away from the cabinets replacing Snoke’s ring and letting his hand fall to the table again with a thud, distaste plain across Hux’s face as he touched their former mentor. 

 

‘I’ll call the police, they’ll find his records and hopefully we can move forward. Your sisters will get a new social worker and you can start from there.’

 

‘I’m in those records.’ Kylo stated, still not moving from where he stood. Hux cleared his throat and shuffled slightly.

 

‘That’s true. I would imagine given the whole story they will be lenient, especially given that based on the records the only person you actively harmed was me,’ Hux raised an eyebrow awaiting a response. Kylo’s gaze snapped from Snoke’s body to Hux for a moment before returning.

 

‘My fate is in your hands?’ he asked, walking shakily to lean in the doorway, fixing his gaze on Hux instead of the corpse.

 

Hux smirked, chuckling slightly before speaking. ‘It would appear so, yes.’

 

‘Wonderful,’ Kylo breathed, still trying to steady himself. ‘I suppose now would be a good time to apologise for beating the shit out of you?’

 

‘A truly sincere and purely motivated apology I’m sure,’ Hux said dryly. ‘I won’t press charges. If they need an alibi for you this evening I’ll say we were together. Let’s just draw a line under all of this.’ 

 

‘Why?’ Kylo asked, finally meeting Hux’s eyes, ‘Why are you helping me?’

 

‘You caught me on a good day I suppose,’ Hux glanced around awkwardly before clearing his throat, ‘we should leave.’

 

Kylo nodded and followed as Hux strode out of the room, down the dark corridors and into the night.

 

***

‘So what now?’ Finn asked, yawning. ‘Shit we haven’t even sorted maths for first thing on Monday, you want to get a start on that?’

 

‘I guess, yeah,’ Rey agreed, still glancing towards the door every few seconds, fingers tapping an anxious rhythm on her leg. ‘Chewie, Poe you guys can go. He’s obviously not coming. Me Rose and Finn’ll babysit, I’ll text you later-’

 

She was interrupted by a sudden cacophony of two phones ringing with the same tone, separated by a few seconds. She pulled hers from her pocket and had to look again at the screen to be sure she was correct. ‘It’s him,’ She said, brow furrowed as she tried to work out what had happened. 

 

‘Tidge, what the fuck?’ Poe answered his as Rey announced the identity of her caller. Rey glanced over at him before walking swiftly to the bathroom and closing the door.

 

‘Kylo, are you ok?’ She asked before he could speak. His pause felt like an age. After a tense few minutes he cleared his throat,

 

‘I - uh, can we speak in person? It, I think it’s over. I’m-’ there was another pause and Rey imagined him pulling his hand across his forehead as he tried to find the words. ‘I can tell you in person.’ He finished and Rey found herself more confused than ever.

 

‘I’m not home right now. Hang on,’

 

She went back into the room as Poe hung up, stony faced. 

 

‘Snoke’s been found dead.’ he announced gravely.

 

Rey’s stomach turned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did it! I felt kind of bad taking the murder away from Kylo but at the same time he hasn't actually done any murders in this universe so I feel like starting would be bad even if it is Snoke. Also nicer Hux has good motives for killing him (though obviously keeping his hands clean because he is above that nonsense) and I liked the idea of him getting a victory. I like my Hux. Canon Hux not so much, but Tidge is an ok guy. 
> 
> Anyways next chapter will be the last, then it's just the epilogue left. We're on the uphill again friends <3 <3
> 
> Thank you for reading/commenting/kudosing! Check out The Reylo Writing Den for authors who have more time on their hands than me (I assume. I'm basically just lurking there right now bc I am too busy for conversations but enjoy memes)


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben finally reunite and some serious discussions about the future take place.

‘Rey,’ Ben breathed, opening the door to his flat and inviting her in. His face was pale, hands shaking as he walked around the counter to turn on the kettle. ‘Coffee?’ he asked, voice still quiet and breathy. 

 

‘Kylo what did you do?’ Rey’s voice trembled, ignoring his question. 

 

‘What did I-?’ He turned, broad figure filling the poorly lit kitchen. The overhead light bulb had blown, days, perhaps weeks ago. He hadn’t changed it. It hadn’t been important. The uncleaned, dishevelled flat spoke to his mental state in those past weeks, and as he glanced around he was alarmed by the state things had slipped into. He swallowed before speaking again. ‘I didn’t- I would have, but Hux- I didn’t do anything. I found him, I called the police. They took my statement and said they’d be in touch, but I- he’s-,’ he stopped talking for a moment. The flat was silent save for the sound of cars on the street below and the rumble of the kettle. ‘Ben,’ he said after a moment,

 

‘What?’ Rey asked, head spinning with what any of this could mean.

 

‘Call me Ben. I don’t need- Luke found us, Snoke’s gone. Kylo’s not- he’s a mask,’ Ben shrugged uncomfortably and Rey nodded, crossing the room to stand in front of him. 

 

‘Ben,’ she murmured, looking up at him through her lashes. His gaze snapped down to meet hers. ‘It’s over,’ she allowed herself a genuine smile; one which Ben anxiously returned.

 

‘I think so,’ he said.’The police-’

 

‘Tell them everything. The truth. You didn’t do anything illegal.’ She reached up a hand to cup his cheek. ‘It’s over,’ she repeated, standing on her tiptoes to reach up and kiss his cheek. He turned and their lips met and the realisation struck like a boulder. It  _ was  _ over. Snoke was gone and he was free. He pulled away as another thought struck.

 

‘I’m going to fight to get the girls back,’ he told Rey, taking her hands in his, ‘they need to be with family and I’m- I owe them that after everything. You’re still their teacher,’ he finished.

 

Rey nodded and stepped back, stretching her arms to allow their hands to remain joined. ‘Then we can’t-’

 

‘We can’t,’ Ben confirmed. He turned, letting go of her hands to touch the side of the kettle. It had boiled and cooled again while they were talking. He switched it on again and began pulling mugs down from the cupboard. Rey stood silently for a minute, processing. 

 

‘Do you want to be your sister’s guardian?’ She asked suddenly. Ben span round to face her.

‘Do I want to-’ he repeated before stopping, gaze shifting to the ground. ‘Of course.’ He murmured. ‘Of course I do, they’re my sisters.’

 

Rey pressed her lips together. ‘That doesn’t mean you have to look after them. You’re not their father,’

 

‘They don’t have a father because of me,’ Ben murmured, glancing up for a second to guage her reaction before looking at the ground again. Something in her expression changed for a moment. Disgust? Pity? He couldn’t tell. His lip twitched as he thought about what to say next.

 

‘That’s not true,’ Rey asserted, crossing the room and pushing him aside to pick up the kettle which he was once again ignoring and pouring the water onto the coffee granules. ‘It was an accident, you didn’t mean it to happen,’

 

‘I wanted him dead, in that moment, I was so angry and I just-’ Rey placed a hand on his arm,

 

‘You didn’t crash the car on purpose,’

 

‘I don’t know- I- maybe I did, I don’t remember-’ His eyes were wild when she looked up to meet them. She pushed the black mug into his hands and leant on the counter beside him.

 

‘Noone crashes a car on purpose,’ she told him. ‘You were angry, you lost control. It was a mistake, a terrible mistake and you have more than paid the price for it. You can start again now, do things the way  _ you  _ want to,’

 

‘I don’t know what I want,’ Ben took a long drink of his coffee. ‘I want to go to bed,’ he yawned and Rey smirked.

 

‘That’s something. We’ll think about the rest in the morning,’ she swigged down the rest of her coffee and pushed herself up from the counter. ‘I’ll come by around ten tomorrow and we can talk some more,’

 

Ben nodded and took her mug, putting both into the sink behind them before he crossed the room to let her out of the flat. ‘I want to kiss you again,’ he said quietly as she turned to say goodbye. Rey smiled nervously,

 

‘I thought we shouldn’t,’

 

‘We shouldn’t,’ he agreed, leaning down and wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer. ‘It’s a terrible idea,’ She tipped her head back, lips parted slightly as she looked up at him,

 

‘Probably one of the worst you’ve had,’

 

‘That’s debatable,’ the corner of his lip twitched up and Rey smiled back, standing taller to press her lips to his. He moved a hand to her hair, fingers twining through it as he deepened the kiss. For a minute time stopped and it was just them. No sisters, no school, no barriers between them. Just them and the corridor and the kiss.

 

Ben pulled back, ‘I don’t want to lose you,’ he told her, his low quiet voice breaking the silence of the dimly lit hall. Rey pressed her lips together and stepped back.

 

‘I can’t lose my job,’ she began, ‘It’s who I am, it’s-’

Ben nodded, lip quivering, ‘I know. I love that. I think I-’

 

‘I know. I think I do too,’ she smiled sadly up at him. ‘We can’t.’

 

Ben shook his head, ‘we could- next year? Or I’ll move, they can move schools, we could-’

 

‘Ben,’ Rey said gently and he stopped, swallowing. 

 

‘Then what?’ 

 

‘I don’t know. We need to sleep. We’ll decide in the morning?’

 

‘In the morning,’ Ben agreed, stepping back inside and pushing the door closed.

 

***

When she arrived the next morning, Ben was sitting across the table from two people she didn’t recognise. He was pale, hands clasped tightly around a glass of water that he would lift occasionally to his lips. The woman was watching him with a worried expression while the man seemed unconcerned. A cane rested against the side of his chair and he sat straight upright as though held in place by a string from the ceiling. He stayed seated while the woman rose and walked elegantly across the room to take her hand and press it between hers. 

 

‘Rey, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for the girls- for Ben too.’ She smiled and Rey was struck by how beautiful she was. She smiled back, unable to stop herself mirroring the expression.

 

‘It’s no trouble, really, it’s kind of my job… Sorry, who are you?’ The woman turned and walked back to the table where Ben and the man sat speaking quietly to one another,

 

‘It was above and beyond your job, don’t minimise your efforts or achievements it solves nothing and helps noone.’ The woman smiled, ‘I’m Ben’s grandmother.’

 

‘You have a grandmother?’ Rey turned to Ben, 

 

‘Apparently,’ he breathed, gazing into his half full glass. ‘We were talking about the girls- what I should do… They want to help.’ Rey smiled and went to sit beside him,

 

‘Well that’s good,’

 

‘Yeah- I suppose. They’re going to come along later when I meet the new social worker.’ He grimaced and Padme reached out a hand to touch his arm.

 

‘And it will be a productive and positive meeting,’ beside her Anakin scoffed. She raised an eyebrow, ‘Or I will make it a positive and productive meeting. Any nonsense and I will put a stop to it, you know that.’  Anakin let out a laugh,

 

‘I do know that,’ Padme pulled her hand back and placed it on her husband’s shoulder, ‘And now onto more interesting matters, Rey. What brings you back to my grandson’s apartment. He’s been quite clear with us that the two of you can’t be together,’

 

‘And we all know how important convention and rules are to you,’ Anakin said snidely, watching Padme, who shoved his shoulder gently.

 

‘I’m not sure our path is the straightest for anyone to follow.’ She reprimanded, turning back to face Ben and Rey. ‘I want to do more than help with the girls.’ She said after a beat had passed. ‘If it’s what Ben wants we’ll take them in,’ she turned to him, ‘obviously you’re welcome to stay with us too, if that’s what you want, until you’re back on your feet.’ Ben looked at Rey who shrugged at him,

 

‘It’s your life,’ she told him,

 

‘So it would seem,’ he said, swallowing as a wave of nausea passed through him, ‘I slept on it. I still don’t know what to do,’ he spoke quietly, like he was speaking just to her, though Anakin and Padme could clearly hear what he was saying. 

 

‘Work it out,’ Anakin said breaking the spell between Ben and Rey. ‘Life’s hard, you have to work out what you want from it and fight for it.’ 

 

Ben looked up at him, still pallid and shaky, ‘I know. I’ll try, I don’t know what to fight for.’

 

‘I think you do,’ Padme said quietly, looking across the table to Rey. ‘I think perhaps you’re more bound by what you think you should do than what you want to do.’ She turned to Anakin. ‘We should get back to the hotel, we have a viewing at twelve, then we’ll come back and meet Ben before his appointment with the social worker.’ She stood and extended an arm to help Anakin. Ben stood as well, taking a moment to steady himself before he strode past the older couple and opened the door. 

 

‘I’ll see you later,’ he told them, ‘I’ll- I’ll make a decision.’ Anakin looked at him and nodded approvingly.

 

‘Good. We’ll see you later.’ Ben nodded and closed the door, walking over to sink into the couch, head in his hands. 

 

‘I don’t know what to do.’ He told Rey, ‘And if you ask what I want I’ll throw this glass at you.’ 

 

Rey sat down next to him. ‘Less distance means less momentum. I think.’ She explained. ‘I think you know what you want,’ she hazarded, ‘I think you want to be the girls’ big brother,’ Ben nodded. ‘Not their father.’ She finished.

 

He avoided her gaze. ‘I don’t know how to be their father.’

 

‘You don’t have to,’ she told him. 

 

‘I can’t just abandon them,’ 

 

‘You’re not,’ Rey told him, pulling her feet up onto the sofa and turning to face him. ‘They’re family. The girls are named after them, right? Annie and May?’

 

‘Right.’ Ben answered unconvinced.

 

‘It’ll work out.’ Rey told him, ‘they want to help. Let them.’

 

‘People don’t just help, Rey.’ All of a sudden he seemed a hundred years old and so young all at once. Rey felt tears well in her eyes again but she blinked them stubbornly away.

 

‘I did. I am, I will- Ben, I know things have been shitty, hell they were shitty for me- people help. People helped me and I have family now, I  _ made  _ my family. Yours is right there waiting.’ She stared him down waiting for an answer, watching the gears turn in his head.

 

‘I don’t know.’ He said eventually. ‘I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want, I don’t-’ he swallowed and turned away. ‘I don’t want to abandon them,’ Rey waited, sensing this statement wasn’t finished. Ben pulled the one day chip from his pocket and flipped it between his fingers.When he spoke it was so low and quiet Rey had to strain to make out the words.  ‘I’m not ready to be their father,’ Rey took his empty hand and stroked her thumb over his knuckles.

 

‘You don’t have to,’ she said softly, ‘Let someone help you.’

 

‘They’ll hate me,’ she smiled and shook her head, 

 

‘Not forever. They’ll be angry for a while, but your grandparents are moving nearby right? They’ll see you all the time. You’ll be able to be their fun big brother again who takes them out for treats before bringing them home to a secure environment where they’re safe. Once you’re back on your feet they could stay with you sometimes, but you’ll have room to breath again. You’re in recovery right? You need some time to yourself.’ 

 

‘Maybe.’ He conceded after another long silence. ‘I’ll- I’ll speak to them, and Chewie and my grandparents and probably the police and,’ he ran a hand through his hair looking bewildered as he trailed off, overwhelmed by the day ahead.

 

‘I think the girls are priority number one,’ Rey smiled at him, ‘I’ll get going and let you sort out contact.’

 

‘Ah fuck,’ Ben jumped up, ‘it’s now, it’s today I wasn’t thinking - Fuck!’ he pounded around the flat grabbing belongings and rushed out of the door.

 

***

‘Kylo!’ Ben crouched as May ran over to hug him, catching her in his arms and lifting her off the ground as she flung herself into him. He held her tightly, watching Annie’s slower, more cautious approach.

 

‘You want to see us again?’ Annie asked, small face crumpled into a look of suspicion and tentative hope. 

 

‘I do- I always wanted to- I’m sorry, Annie.’ He let May go, but she continued to cling to him so he shifted her over to his left arm, leaving his right open in an invitation to his more anxious sister. ‘I’m really sorry,’ he repeated, ignoring the tear he felt track it’s way down his cheek, ‘I messed up again and again and I wasn’t a very good brother. I wasn’t a very good person. Things are different now, I promise-’ Annie nodded slowly, processing but still didn’t move towards him. He shifted May slightly, letting himself sit on the ground beside the absurdly yellow sofa in the contact room. 

 

‘I saw Uncle Luke,’ she said after a while. ‘I don’t want to live with him, you said he’s mean and-’

 

‘I’m not going to let you go to him,’ Ben interrupted, ‘But we’re going to go back to normal ok? I’ll be Ben again. We’ll be Solos.’

 

‘No more knights?’ May said into his shoulder, indignantly. He smirked a little and squeezed her reassuringly.

 

‘Maybe if we meet a dragon,’

 

‘We read a book about a dragon,’ Annie told him, moving to sit on the floor beside him and her twin. 

 

‘Oh?’ Ben didn’t reach an arm around her, waiting for her to decide when she was ready.

 

‘He was called Zog. He was friendly though, then he was a ambulance. The knight was a doctor but the princess was better at it.’ 

 

‘They fixed the King when he was ill. Princesses can be doctors.’ May piped up, looking almost defiant at the last statement. Ben furrowed his brow for a moment before deciding he was better to just ask Rey what they were on about when he spoke to her later.

 

‘I don't remember telling you they couldn't..' he frowned looking down at her bizarrely angry expression, 'Well maybe we won’t fight any doctor dragons,’ he hazarded and felt Annie lean into him.

 

‘He’s a ambulance, not a doctor,’ she said crossly but she burrowed her head into his side nonetheless.

 

His sisters continued explaining the plot to what Ben was starting to assume must be at least two books, possibly more, and he just let there words wash over him like a salve. For the first time in a long time, despite how tired and overwhelmed he was, with his sisters beside him in the small, falsely cheerful living room in the same building he had witnessed the death of his hopes, dreams and finally his mentor, Ben started to feel human again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok phew! Loooong chapter! This is the end, but there's an epilogue in the works - maybe next week maybe the week after depending on how hectic life is (hint - pretty hectic. I'm playing a gig on Friday and have meetings after school most days next week. The joys. I am excited for the gig but also my voice is bad because it's winter and the kids are little bags of disease.) 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed reading this - it went off in a direction I genuinely didn't expect and I'm really pleased with how it turned out <3 
> 
> Thanks so much to my commenters, especially those of you who comment on every single chapter - I love you guys, and your comments brighten my day every time!!


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